 tlfindley
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351 points
29/F/chatsworth, Georgia
Join Date: Sep 2005 |
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trencher
Monk
38155 points | 5 Bogeys!
March 27, 2007 @ 04:19:17 am | 3/25/07-
I find it astonishing that I can limp home with my third consecutive "$100 Dollars In A Fish Bowl 3-Point Shootout" victory on Saturday, but I cannot make a pair of 8-foot par putts to jump start my round on Sunday.
From time to time, I'll go back and play the short but demanding practice golf course at my old Junior College with a group of guys that I know very well.
The weather conditions were perfect, but my course management wasn't. If it wasn't for my short game I could have easily recorded the highest score ever for that course.
Holes 1 through 5 are extremely difficult due to its length and obstructions. My short game was on target as I desperately needed it to dig myself out of numerous holes with all five of my tee shots missing their intended targets.
By the time we reached the 4th Hole... I was not only in last place, but I also found myself battling a severe case of fatigue.
Having to work my a** off to write down a +1 for the round on my scorecard proved to be too much for my body to handle on this day.
Holes 4 and 5 were not much different: Errant tee shots, good iron play and solid putting. I was already out of contention by the time these holes reared its ugly head. But I used those holes to scrape off some rust and to get my juices flowing for next week.
I was dead tired after finally tapping in my fifth consecutive bogey of the round. I could have overextended myself by playing a competitive round of golf after winnng a grueling basketball contest. I'm glad that I lost the way that I did. Next time, I'll take it slow and easy following a draining victory.Reply |
trencher
Monk
38155 points | Welcome... To Monster Island!
February 19, 2007 @ 06:04:51 am | 2/17/07-
My life is an absolute mess. I am surrounded by the biggest collection of smothering, pestering, snapping, nauseating, griping females known to man. I adore women, but what I saw and heard on a sunny Saturday afternoon, did nothing but confirm my deep... dark suspicions.
All that I wanted to do was to slip quietly into my brother's home... hand him his gifts from my most recent beach excursion, chat for a little while, and head for the driving range. Instaed, I ran head on into a creature feature unlike anyone has ever seen before.
There lounging and cackling in the living room was the Ice Queen (the eldest of my sisters-in-law) and her four gargantuan female friends. These women were enormous. The word, hippopotamuses, doesn't even come close to describing the middle-aged quartet.
I felt like a cow being led slowly to slaughter, as I strolled by them with my unshavened face, my hat turned backwards, and wearing an ensemble that featured a Nike golf shirt and khaki shorts.
It was mild outside, but it was freezing on the inside. King Kong, King Ghidora, Mothra and Hedorah... gazed at me with hungary, probing, solemn eyes before returning to do whatever it was that they were doing. Their conversing could be heard from every room in the house.
It took longer than expected to conduct my business dealings with my brother, but I was quick to make my exit because the golf course was calling me. I shook my brother's hand, waved to the Ice Queen and her ginormous friends... and headed for the hills!
I am all for women's rights, but those widebeests should be caged for all eternity. It should be against the law for creatures of that immense size to be running loose.
The steely looks that they giving me... was something unholy. I suppose that it would feel eerie if four brontosauruses were gawking at you, like you were the last piece of pecan pie.
Thank goodness I was able to get out of that house with all of my body parts still intact.
2 comments | Reply |
trencher
Monk
38155 points | Back To Basics!
January 31, 2007 @ 05:59:33 am | 1/28/07-
The man who once exhibited nerves of steel in draining back-to-back 25-foot putts to earn the nickname "King of the Greens" in college, has now found himself in the midst of a losing streak.
Where is the fire? Where is the determination? Where is the control? What happened to that flawless swing?
These are all questions that I've asked myself a tousand times during this streak of 6 consecutive Sundays without a victory on the golf course.
My tennis game is also collapsing before my very eyes, but I think that is fixable. Maintaining my focus on the links is my chief concern at this moment. Because if I'm forced to hang up my clubs, then that would mean spending more time at home staring in disbelief at that hermaphrodite Hillary Clinton on those ultra-liberal alphabet channels.
This past Sunday went down as one of the many moments in my life that left me scratching my head.
It was a cloudy afternoon... with the temperature in the upper 50s. I had a 3 holes to 2 lead on my opponent going into the 6th hole of a best-of-seven round. I was extremely confident that the streak was going to come to an abrupt end. But that wasn't the case. I found myself missing very makeable putts in clutch situations.
I missed a 10-foot putt on the 6th hole. And followed that up with a missed 15-footer on the final hole that would have won the match.
Once known as Mr. Reliable! I've now watched as my athletic prowess has taken a nosedive. I'm not going to blame the cold weather or sore feet for my inability in getting that little white ball to go into the hole when the match is on the line.
I hate losing. My competitive spirit is alive and well, but something is holding back my progression. Perhaps, my arrogance is interfering in how I close out matches.
There is no excuse for me losing in such a humiliating fashion. Golf is no longer taking center stage in my life. I have other priorities. Maybe I should get back to basics and start hitting the links on a more consistent basis.3 comments | Reply |
trencher
Monk
38155 points | Humbug!
December 26, 2006 @ 07:02:50 pm | 12/26/06-
I could go on forever writing about the Baltimore Ravens taking care of their own business: Winning the AFC North title and eliminating the Pittsburgh Steelers from postseason play.
But what really pissed me off was the Seattle Seahawks handing the San Diego Chargers a victory with less than minute to play in the game. Now the Ravens have to hope that the Arizona Cardinals can beat the Chargers, so the Ravens can secure the No. 1 seed.
On to new business:
Q: Did I get everything that I wanted for Christmas?
A: Nope. Not even close.
I felt terrible on Sunday and my condition worsened on Christmas Day. It wasn't the first time that I fell ill on Christmas Eve... and it probably won't be the last. But this Christmas of 2006... resembled last year's in the fact that the gifts that I unwrapped were not the items that I requested.
And if not getting the gifts that I requested wasn't bad enough, members of my extended family ran off like thieves in the night with the leftover slices from two cakes that I baked. Leaving me with none.
It's a crying shame that I didn't get anything golf related! Not a sirt, 5-iron or any of the numerous hybrid sets I had wriiten neatly on my wish list.
I am not that hard to shop for! My list was as clear as day: Golf, Yankees or both. And when in doubt... go to any golf shop and buy, buy, buy!
Clearly those instructions were thrown out the window, because this is what I ended up with:
(1)- 2 sleeveless Florida Marlins jerseys.
(2)- A stack of gift cards.
(3)- Cash.
(4)- Checks.
(5)- Assorted DVD movies.
Not receiving the New York Yankees Callaway golf set was a massive blunder.
The best gifts were given by non-family members:
(1)- 3 Miami Hurricanes throws.
(2)- 3 Flannel blankets.
(3)- 4 framed movie posters.
(4)- 2 Baltimore Ravens mini helmets.
Well, my 2006 Christmas will be remembered for... Missing Christmas dinner due to illness, losing my temper watching the closing moments of that Seahawks vs. Chargers disaster and family members heading for the hills with my leftover slices of cake.
I am feeling much better, but the sourness still remains!
Reply |
trencher
Monk
38155 points | "Cute! But Pompous And Brash!"
December 04, 2006 @ 06:37:51 am | 12/3/06-
I was all set to write about what caused me to pull my hair out during my third viewing of "The Queen" but the events that unfolded at my older brother's dinner party was far more frightening.
If one of my sinister, uppity sisters-in-law and their witch of a mother wants to unfairly label me as an arrogant, chauvinist...then so be it. But I will not under any circumstances take some empty words from a woman that resembles the Michelin Man lying down.
My older broter phoned earlier and revealed some terrifying news: I have an admirer. And she's enormous. According to my brother, the woman, who was one of the guests at his dinner party...asked repeatedly about my absence from the event and has given me the green light to move in and claim her.
YIKES!!!!!!!
The phone conversation was one-sided in the beginning, as he gave me the low down on what happened a his party. When the conversation shifted to my gigantic admirer...is when my hair turned completely white.
His vivid description of that overweight monster and the conversation he had with her has led me to take a long look at myself.
I should have never left Las Vegas! I felt safe and secure in Sin City. There wasn't a soul hounding me, begging me or lecturing me about my lifesyle. But I came back and draped myself in that same dark, ugly evil that I left behind for those four glorious days.
In high school and college... I attracted my fair share of skinny/average chicks. But since reaching my peak n studliness...the only "things" chasing me is "something" that Bill Clinton wouldn't stick his dick in!
I'm a very busy man! I've neither the time nor the desire to involve myself in a lose-lose situation.
This is definitely a good thing! I'm happy that my brother told me about this woman. If it wasn't for Gigantor... I would have never come to the realization that something has to be done to "Reverse the Curse."
If I don't find a cure for what ails me! I'll spend the rest of my days dodging the advances of sweaty fat broads...like Clinton Portis does against linebackers on Sundays.3 comments | Reply |
trencher
Monk
38155 points | Quiet! She-Devils!
November 27, 2006 @ 07:44:10 am | 11/26/06-
Sin City was a non-stop, roller coaster ride of adventure. And I loved every second of it. Then again, I've always enjoyed myself immensely whenever I visit Las Vegas.
This particular trip was special on so many levels because of all the baggage that was left behind.
The trip was all about me! And I made certain that every itch, craving, need and desire was fulfilled.
What happens in Sin City! Stays in Sin City! And I'm a firm believer in that motto. But what happened in Vegas couldn't compare to the unholy events that unfolded when I arrived home from my 4-Day extravaganza.
I didn't want my little excursion to end. And I quickly found out why that was when I made an innocent phone call.
I called my older brother to let him know that had arrived home safely, but instead of talking about my trip, when spent the entire time discussing what was said or interpreted about my decision to spend Thanksgiving in Las Vegas.
Apparently, there were a lot of hurt feelings. Most of them were from the females. The two biggest moaners, bitchers and complainers was my ugly, treacherous sister-in-law and her mother.
It didn't at all surprise me that those TWO would be be the ones screaming bloody murder. The three of us have a long, nasty history. They've accused me of being an arrogant chauvinist. And I've said some things that I shouldn't have.
The two of them were hoping that I would have a change of heart, but quickly turned sour when my plans didn't change.
I had an exquisite 4-Day vacation all by lonesome. The majority of the males i attendance didn't raise a stink about me skipping out on Thanksgiving. The last time I checked... I was a grown man.
I'll find out the whole ugly truth when I meet her face-to-face and hand her that big bag of overpriced trinkets that she requested tomorrow night.
1 comments | Reply |
trencher
Monk
38155 points | 4 Days In Sin City
November 22, 2006 @ 06:33:42 am | 11/21/06-
It's almost time. Tomorrow morning... I depart for a long, mild, 4-Day break in Las Vegas. Honestly! This trip couldn't have come at a better time. With work, the misadventures at the multiplex and hearing through the grapevine that my sister-in-law was inviting all of her ghoulish relatives over to her home for a Thanksgiving feast.
It's been a brutal, stressful month. And I'm so thankful that I won't be seated in the middle of that ugly mess with all of those uppity liberals gushing with glee over their latest triumph.
It has been such a long time since I took time out for me! And I have plans of letting my hair down and taking full advantage of everything that Vegas has to offer in the second longest stay of my brief life.
I have a laundry list of gift requests, but I am not even giving them a second thought at this stage of the game. These four days are being used to recharge my batteries and get healthy. If I feel like buying a few things for the people on that list...it's going to be on my terms.
I'm also eternally grateful that I'll arrive back in town long after those snakes have slithered back under the rocks where they came from.2 comments | Reply |
trencher
Monk
38155 points | Viva Las Vegas!
November 17, 2006 @ 06:46:20 am | The Countdown To Vegas: 6 Days.
11/15/06-
On this particular evening, my brother and his uppity wife finally made good on their promise to pay for dinner.
After I finished my delicious meal and stuck my fork into my massive piece of chocolate cake, my sister-in-law, who was seated directly across from me with her arms folded asked me a question that I did not expect.
"So, have you changed your mind about going to Vegas for Thanksgiving?"
I was stunned, but I looked her square in her beady eyes and replied, "No. And there's nothing that you nor your mother can do about it. Hell, I've already started the countdown."
My sister-in-law has a very bad habit of filibustering. She was the only one at the table who didn't order dessert, so her fat mouth was free and clear to spew the same old tired nonsense that she ranted and raved about when it was first revealed to her that I was not going to be home for Thanksgiving.
It seemed that the more I salivated over my chocolate cake...the more hostile she became. It's really none of her business. I know that she's a aging diva who's trying to make feel guilty about leaving, but after what happened last year, I decided that getting out of town is the best medicine.
My sinister sister-in-law and her mother are two of the most controlling, vindictive, calculating, venomous women I have ever met. These two broads refuse to keep their noses out of my affairs.
Her mother and being spent emotionally and physically are the two contributing factors in my decision to spend 4 full days in Las Vegas.
I'm proud of myself, because for once, her scolding and gloating over the results of "Election Tuesday" landed on deaf ears.
This trip is way overdue.1 comments | Reply |
trencher
Monk
38155 points | Achieved Minor Celebrity Status
November 12, 2006 @ 08:27:30 pm | 11/10/06-
I've been a foul mood ever since it became a reality that the 66-yer-old haggard crone from the great state of California was going to be the Speaker of the House.
It's been a long, exhausting week and I was looking forward to engrossing myself in the movie of my choosing.
I desperately needed some good news after the results of "Election Tuesday." And I got some.
I have achieved minor celebrity status at my local movie theater. Every person employed there now knows and has become quite fond of my pretty, unshavened face. Despite voicing my displeasure on not being able to enjoy myself to the fullest extent on numerous occasions.
I know all too well...that when there's good news, evil is lurking around the corner. And evil reared its ugly, horned head before, during and after my viewing of "Stranger Than Fiction."
"Stranger Than Fiction" is a phenomenal work of art.
I prefer movies that are made with the adult in mind: Complex plot, engaging story and forces you to use your brain.
There were two things that bothered me during my second viewing of this film. There were the enormous amount of kids running around like wild animals and the inconsiderate family of three who wrecked yet another opportunity for me to sit in my darkened corner and relax my mind.
I can't help the fact that the image I project is pleasing to the eyes. I'm at the movie theater to be entertained by what's on the screen mnot spending 2 hours wondering why this happening to me.
What is to gain by sitting next to me when there are numerous empty seats elsewhere in the auditorium? The answer is absolutely nothing.
I'm just your average male who wants to stretch out his legs, sit in his dark corner and watch a movie in silence. But I just can't seem to avoid those nasty pitfalls.
If there was a movie made about the mating practices pf turtles and I went to go see it, you could bet your last dollar that there would be a multitude of giant, abominable obese women who'd be summoned to ruin my quest for peace and quiet.
"Stranger Than Fiction" is a film that requires a person's complete and undivided attention. Since this was my second viewing, I knew all of the hidden tricks, but I still would have liked to enjoyed the experience, which I did not.
After getting approx. 40 minutes of sleep, I felt pretty good. As the previews ended, I felt a calmness and a coolness that I haven't felt in quit awhile. Exactly 5 minutes later, that calmness was quickly replaced with bitterness.
A young woman zeroed in on my location and sat two rows in front of me. I frowned, but found it acceptable. A young man followed and sat down by her. Exactly 3 minutes goes by and the young man bolts from his chair and does the unthinkable: He climbs those steps that seperated us and sat in my completely empty row. His lady soon followed and plopped down right next to him. The insanity didn't end there.
Exactly 6 minutes goes by and I watched as a little girl slowly climbed the stairs to where I was seated and took a seat right next to me them. The little girl not only refused to stay in her seat...she also had trouble closing her mouth.
If she wasn't talking, she was either bumping in to me, which reulted in her stomping on my last nerve.
To say that I had a rotten time....would be a severe understatement.
1 comments | Reply |
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