"You can't see me, I'm lurking"  sarahf
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Minister
12537 points
18/F/ottawa, Canada
Join Date: Aug 2005 |
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Is been a while since I’ve written anything and I suppose if I start I may be able to formulate an opinion.
I’ve been looking at all my pics recently cause I have to upload the ones I want to keep, me holding my little sister, pics of my ex and I, pictures of myself I thought were so good. And I realised that that’s not me in the pictures. I hardly recognise them. Actually I don’t recognise myself in the mirror anymore, there is something different. I think a part of me is dead..or dying, or maybe its been dead for a long time and I’m only seeing it now.
I don’t listen to music the same way anymore, instead of it being my life and being able to put me into any state I wanted, it now is just something familiar I can sing every word to but never know the meaning of them.
I don’t talk anymore, I’ve stopped fighting with my teacher and now simply ignore him and throw the occasional insult if he sets himself up. I really have no zeal for any activities, the internet holds no interest to me again. I do the same song and dance every day.
I’m really getting sick of going over to Wendy’s house for a shower and getting up retardedly early. I’m sick of my cold house and crappy food selection.
I donno. I think Barney’s impending death is hitting me or something.
Maybe I’m finally getting lonely. I don’t do lonely, I’m always self sufficient. So this is a new thing.
I guess I need a change in scenery, more than Ottawa every week for basically the same thing. I want to go there and be wowed like before. I want my busses back.
I want to stop having teenager moments where it dons on me how typical I am and just be typical. I need it to be summer cause I’m sick of this rut, make some money and settle in somewhere else.
I can see the excitement on the horizon, I’m just impatient and want it now
i reilised i never actualy finished any of the thoughts i started
Current Music: Silver and cold- AFI
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jeanettesianrachel
Monk+
35305 points | i read the bit about barnets impending death and it sounds like your grieveing before any thing has happened,we were told my mum in law was passing awayin jan 06 but she waited to this jan so were on tenderhooks waiting for the phone call but dreading it at the same time,my hubby has taken his mums death very bad and hasnt been able to grieve he wants to his just on the edge of it and it stops again,he is waiting to see a grief councillor,cos his emmotions are being turned in on themselves and are making him physically ill,so i do have empathy with you and it is an almost unbearable pain to go through knowing is something will happen but you dont know when,i am a medium and the only bits that have helped me is she allowed me to see her spirit raise up out of her body during the last rites and having total faith in what i believe in,when ever you need a hug,or just want someone to listern to you can p.m me cos ive been through what you are going through and its very hard thing to do and if your friends dont get the significance of it all it makes you feel alone.  lots of hugs i feel you need them jeantte x |
sarahf
Minister
12537 points |
aww thanks, i give him till thursday next week. hes really old and really sick so its for the best.. he has no quality of life anymore.
ive been though the whole death thing before, its not new.. still sucks tho |
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ZOMG i used actual first person this time guys!
