LOST IN THE WILDERNESS

Can’t I ever get rid of
This f**king sensation
Of saturated lonliness?
No is here with me in this wilderness
I continue to cry out for others
But no one can hear my cry
No one
No hiking trail
Lost
Lost in the wilderness.
Finally the wind blows
The wilderness sounds like it is crying
Crying. The trees sob in pain.
I may soon be one with the trees
I must get out of here
If there is a way out.
Besides suicide’s way.

JOURNEY THROUGH DEPRESSION

I have tried and tried throughout life
But I still have this painful desire to die
It is like the sun shines on everyone else
But never will shine on me
Like a rain cloud is above me
Not letting me see what others can
They see the light I see the dark
They are in the world of the happy
I am in the world of depression
I watch the happy in sadness
And depression puts its hand on my shoulder
And it tells me, “You are in my world now.
You will never ever know what it is like
To be happy just like everyone else
Perhaps it would be best if you died.”
Why can’t I ever get out of the pain?
I sit down in the chair and just think
And I think what it would be like if I were dead
Finally something had clicked inside me
Time to get the f**k up
I throw myself out of the chair
And walk towards the light of the sun
I try to get through
The work of attempting happiness
Is not an easy task
All of this and more, if I try, is in my reach…

WHAT IS THE PRICE OF HAPPINESS?

All I ever really wanted was to be happy.
Happy.
All I ever really wanted was to be happy.
Happy.
It is scary seeing that everywhere you go
And everything you see
Is an attempt of suicide waiting to happen
The swing sets where the children play
I shall be able to hang myself
The pretty stain gla** church windows
I shall slit my wrists
Just watch the red tears flow down my arm
The beautiful cliffs in this wilderness
I shall jump to my death.
Can I just ask you this one thing, God?
What is the price of happiness?
Please tell me
I am lonely, depressed, suicidal
Everything and everywhere I see is good suicide attempt for me
Please just tell me the price
Is it within my reach?
If not please kill me
Shoot me, cut me, hit me, whatever it takes
Just let me finally die.
I sit here on the lonely house stoop
No one out here with me
Just the blowing wind
And the fall leaves slowly, peacefully passing by
I am lonely. Please let me die.


THE WALL IN BETWEEN

The wall stood tall and mighty
Above me, my head, my power
I cannot get through.

My side is dark
with grey clouds tears raining on me
They rain on me.

The other side is bright
with sun color and happiness
They're happy

Before me is a sledgehammer
what should I slam it into?
Never slam that sledgehammer to yourself!
Instead slam it into the wall
Tear it the f**k down
into the land of happiness
with everyone else

Keep in mind
that the wall
will never be completely destroyed
There will always be a brick building somewhere
When that happens, get that sledgehammer and slam it down
Don't let it build!
Don't ever back down!
Don't let it build!
Don't ever back down!