"Saying sorry is the same as saying I apologize, except at a funeral."  njust1
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Über-Meister
2123 points
25/M/bloomington, Indiana
Join Date: Jul 2007 |
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| That they don't go just by size, I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some great ideas...I kind of hope dogs would conquer the Earth Maybe make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it, and a water bowl that automatically refills, But,I also hope they don't try and pet me, Dogs have sharp nails... | |
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| I went into a deli and got an egg sandwich and a hot chocolate. And then I went outside and I had to get a cab, so I had to put up one of my hands. But I already started eating my sandwich; I took it out of the bag, I was impatient. So my choice was hold up an egg sandwich or hold up a hot chocolate to get a car. So I chose the hot chocolate. And I put it up there and no cab stopped and I realized it was because I looked like I was toasting traffic. Standing on the street, ‘Here’s to you guys, to everybody heading west, I just wanna say I like what you do… but one of you needs to stop, pick me up. | |
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| My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance.Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you’re stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. ‘Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.’ | |
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| The Mimes not going to make any noise, and if you miss he's not going to give up his "Mime-hood" by screaming for help. If somebody else hears the gun go off, just make up a quick excuse before the Mime gets a chance to "charade it out".Who are they going to believe anyway? The guy in tights and face paint, or the guy with the gun? I wouldn't believe the Mime and all of his shenanigans, He's probably just acting out anyway, expecting a good tip, I would shoot him twice to make sure he wasn't "miming" being shot...Those Mimes are tricky little bastards.. | |
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| I like parties, but I don’t like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there’s a donkey with some pizzazz. Let’s kick its ass. What I’m trying to say is, don’t make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did..... | |
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| 'Sort of’ is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It’s just a filler. Sort of - it doesn’t really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means EVERYTHING. Like after ‘I love you’ or ‘You’re going to live’ or ‘It’s a boy.’ or,'The test came back negative.' and last but not least, 'Those pants make you look great babe!' | |
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| Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I’m swimming, sometimes I’m not sure which one it is. I gotta go by the outfit. Pants - uh oh. Bathing suit - okay. Naked - we’ll see. Should I be swimming faster, or am I getting laid? , lets wait around for a moment and find out....lol...see what happens when I'm left to my own devices, I think about things like this... I'm deep, Super Deep....;p...lol... | |
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| I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater. I also made bacon, eggs and hash browns, but suddenly wasn't hungry for pancakes...Imagine that.... | |
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| Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, I was drunk when I saw this. I actually think I may not have even seen it, I may have dreamed it for that matter I may have just made it up all together, I can't even tell if I'm lying to myself right now...Wait a second I didn't drink last night.... | |
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Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny now would it?  | |
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I Hope if Dogs ever take over the world and they have to chose a dog king...
