 morlaboborla
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Über-Meister
2492 points
15/F/,United states, Virginia
Join Date: May 2007 |
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This past week, I've been in my pajamas, in my bed,staring at a picture of an out dated picture of him,but its all i got...it all i have left. Then my mom forces me to go out with friends to some birthday party for a kid I hate, but she doesnt know that, and its my fault for not telling her. So some of my friends are there, but only one i really care about, I dont know, this one girl there has no inner monolouge at all. Some how she found out about derek, how? I dont know. But I'm trying to have a good time and out of no where she says "Dereks dead, dereks dead,dereks dead,dereks dead, thats really hard to say, dereks dead" So when she said that, I start bursting out into tears. And the one person i cared out there is holding me and hugging me. I dont know why she said that, she's really imature.
So out of the corner of my eye I see alcohol the parents are too drunk to notice, so i take a half finished cup of beer. I just stoped caring what people think of me, i dont care.
I'm starting this whole new chapter in my life, and I'm getting rid of all the negative people in my life, i dont need you, i dont need you right now. And i dont mean negative as in always doing bad things, but i mean negative as in people who make me feel bad about who i am.
I use to go to church every sunday, i was agnostic and i went to church, after this, i dont need judgement from you anymore, and you're mad that i'm not coming to church lately and I called our church a f**king cult, i dont give a s**t, you're all robot, you feel nothing. | |
jeanettesianrachel
Ogler
29872 points | hi i know how much it hurts when someone we love passes and there is no time for grief,it just takes as long as it does and then you never forget,what you need to do is go to the dr so he can either put you on mild meds but moe importantly get you to talk to somebody who understands what your going through and wont judge,as well as crying with grief we may also feel deserted,or angry,these are all normal feelings and so is not caring what other people think of you,but you do need to talk to somebody to at least understand that its normal to feel the way you do.so if you can start by talking to your mum if you cant be vocal about it show her your entry then she will know how much your hurting.  x |
jeanettesianrachel
Ogler
29872 points | I am Jennette's (above) husband.
Some people do not relise that pain, suffering & anguish
at the loss of a loved one has no age attached to it.
Try not to feel the loss too much but have the memories & joy
of them. Mostly, deal with it YOUR way, nobody else's.
If you choose to feel the pain or joy, whatever by shouting
from the rooftops in your bathrobe or a full 3 piece suit,
then bloody well do it that way. It is your hurt or memory of
joy, no-one has the right to tell you different.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND ALL YOU CARE FOR,
Mick & Jen in Gillingham, Kent.
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morlaboborla
Über-Meister
2492 points | thanks guys, I mean, I've been in this house for like 5 days straight, and havnt gotten out of my PJ's. and the only one to really cheer me up is my friend Kelly, because she knew him too, and i guess we're going threw the same thing, but i think im going threw it harder. And i just, dont want to leave my house, if she wont be there. I know, im weird.
My friend are telling me, that its un healthy the way im in my bed all the time, holding a picture of him. but i cant go out....i cant... |
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