When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive.... So, I took her to a gas station.....


and then the fight started....




************************************************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your
shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said,
'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application.



When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.
You might have gotten disability, too'



And then the fight started.....

************************************************************************
********
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed,
'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after
we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....


************************************************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little
things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a
DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....