"HeY hEy HeY,,,!!!"  midnightmoongoddess
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Über-General
407 points
18/F/Hell, New York
Join Date: May 2006 |
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i wonder why there is two boxes i can type in, i kinda wanna type in the other ne to see what will happen,, but im too lazy to...do...that..um..? yea....so lets see, if i had to say something,,,,and jus so yall kno im jus,,what-ya-call-it, im venting... if i had to pick one word to describe life right now id say,,,well, hm, im not quite depressed, but i am lonley, i jus wanna get laid and make it mean nothing jus to feel in control again,, is that wrong? hmm im not happy, im so far from it, im not content, im not at peace, im angry, im scared, i feel stupid. i feel bad, im annoyed with myself,, i wanna cccuuuuttttt!!!!! i want to so bad, because the way i see it, i am the stable grounds for my friends, and im not quite sure i even have as many friends as i thought, i mean there was leah, but shes jus so fake and trying to make the world think shes someone shes not...i think shes making this s**t up about her uncle being perverted with her, cuz she knos my situation, i mean what does it do for her, beside get people uncomfortable around her...plus she got herself banned from tops...I MEAN TOPS???!!! wow,,,,then i had this guy friend Doug,, i dont kno whats going on with him,, hes jus changing, and theres nothing i can do to change that, and like i told him before, he was changing and leaving me behind,,, i mean god i sit here hating myself for ever believeing in 'True Love'...or ugh! heaven forbid 'Soul Mates' ugh! whats was i thinking,,and I TOLD HIM WHAT I WAS THINKING!!! wow,, what a dumbass, who tells a guy she thinks hes her soul mate.....and WHAT GUY AGREES? GOD! what a f**king situation i find myself in...*sigh* what to do? well i guess im jus going to ignor Doug, i dont think he needs my presence around him. i want to hurt him, but i dont want him to be in pain, wow what a sissy i am...i jus wont talk to him anymore, but even when i dont, then i find myself thinking about him even more, ugh! revoling my world as is around but a memory, of me and him, oh so many of them i have, but one in perticular, in pure darkness, idky i cant gt this out of my head,, i had this party... and afterward we went to this dance club in Niagra Falls called the Krows Nest, but on the ride back to my house, i was laying in the back of the van, and he was sitting kinda like right by my side, i was jus laying there and i looked over and he was jus looking at me, all he had was a street light here and there to see me, but he jus gazed through the darkness down at me, and he reached out and touched my face, i remember closing my eyes because his touch, jus whips through my body like a thousand knives, and it stunned me, but in an extremly exctatic way, he jus held my face, and i wanted so bad for him to jus lift my face, or come down to mine SMTG..i wanted him to kiss me, with the feeling behind it, that tells me everythings okay when im at your side,, but o kno i cant have some stupid memory to think about like,, um,,,the akwerd seconds walking next to each other at a bombfire last year to the bleachers...i guess partly i cant stop thinking about doug because he broke my heart, but hey at least weeks before he warned me first i should have ran right then but kno dumb jessica keeps on keepin on...WTF!
im being homeschooled again this year,,which totally sucks because jus one year made me a million times more depressed then i was b4 it, now i got another year of it,, oh joy...
Im gonna pierce my lips!!!!! im so excited...im jus waitting for the perfect moment when im pissed at my mother and i can jus BAM pierce it, and go to bed,,! im excited...
so no i dont have a word yet to describe life...alright? ummmmm.... ---dead--- thats my word, it describes everything, my mind, my heart, my body, my soul, my thoughts, my feeling, everything,,, i feel dead.....im tired and i cant find my candy so ill b back later     
Current Music: theory of a deadman
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