"HeY hEy HeY,,,!!!"  midnightmoongoddess
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Über-General
407 points
18/F/Hell, New York
Join Date: May 2006 |
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im leaving on a jet plane i dont kno when ill b back again, blablabla, i said im sorry mama, i never ment to make you cry but tonight im cleanin out my closet,,,,,gobble gobble bitch bitch rebel rebel party party sex sex sex and dont forget the violense blablabla got ur lovey dovey saddle on stick ur stupid slogen in EVERYBODY SING ALONG,,,,,,Drop it like its hot drop it like its hot, drop it like its hot,,,,i dare you to move, i dare you to move, i dare you to lift ur self up off the ground,,,,,,,,,miss molly mack mack mack all dressed in black black black,,,,,im bringing home a baby bummbl bee hope my mom will b so proud of me,,,, IM OUT!!!
Current Music: yea
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i wonder why there is two boxes i can type in, i kinda wanna type in the other ne to see what will happen,, but im too lazy to...do...that..um..? yea....so lets see, if i had to say something,,,,and jus so yall kno im jus,,what-ya-call-it, im venting... if i had to pick one word to describe life right now id say,,,well, hm, im not quite depressed, but i am lonley, i jus wanna get laid and make it mean nothing jus to feel in control again,, is that wrong? hmm im not happy, im so far from it, im not content, im not at peace, im angry, im scared, i feel stupid. i feel bad, im annoyed with myself,, i wanna cccuuuuttttt!!!!! i want to so bad, because the way i see it, i am the stable grounds for my friends, and im not quite sure i even have as many friends as i thought, i mean there was leah, but shes jus so fake and trying to make the world think shes someone shes not...i think shes making this s**t up about her uncle being perverted with her, cuz she knos my situation, i mean what does it do for her, beside get people uncomfortable around her...plus she got herself banned from tops...I MEAN TOPS???!!! wow,,,,then i had this guy friend Doug,, i dont kno whats going on with him,, hes jus changing, and theres nothing i can do to change that, and like i told him before, he was changing and leaving me behind,,, i mean god i sit here hating myself for ever believeing in 'True Love'...or ugh! heaven forbid 'Soul Mates' ugh! whats was i thinking,,and I TOLD HIM WHAT I WAS THINKING!!! wow,, what a dumbass, who tells a guy she thinks hes her soul mate.....and WHAT GUY AGREES? GOD! what a f**king situation i find myself in...*sigh* what to do? well i guess im jus going to ignor Doug, i dont think he needs my presence around him. i want to hurt him, but i dont want him to be in pain, wow what a sissy i am...i jus wont talk to him anymore, but even when i dont, then i find myself thinking about him even more, ugh! revoling my world as is around but a memory, of me and him, oh so many of them i have, but one in perticular, in pure darkness, idky i cant gt this out of my head,, i had this party... and afterward we went to this dance club in Niagra Falls called the Krows Nest, but on the ride back to my house, i was laying in the back of the van, and he was sitting kinda like right by my side, i was jus laying there and i looked over and he was jus looking at me, all he had was a street light here and there to see me, but he jus gazed through the darkness down at me, and he reached out and touched my face, i remember closing my eyes because his touch, jus whips through my body like a thousand knives, and it stunned me, but in an extremly exctatic way, he jus held my face, and i wanted so bad for him to jus lift my face, or come down to mine SMTG..i wanted him to kiss me, with the feeling behind it, that tells me everythings okay when im at your side,, but o kno i cant have some stupid memory to think about like,, um,,,the akwerd seconds walking next to each other at a bombfire last year to the bleachers...i guess partly i cant stop thinking about doug because he broke my heart, but hey at least weeks before he warned me first i should have ran right then but kno dumb jessica keeps on keepin on...WTF!
im being homeschooled again this year,,which totally sucks because jus one year made me a million times more depressed then i was b4 it, now i got another year of it,, oh joy...
Im gonna pierce my lips!!!!! im so excited...im jus waitting for the perfect moment when im pissed at my mother and i can jus BAM pierce it, and go to bed,,! im excited...
so no i dont have a word yet to describe life...alright? ummmmm.... ---dead--- thats my word, it describes everything, my mind, my heart, my body, my soul, my thoughts, my feeling, everything,,, i feel dead.....im tired and i cant find my candy so ill b back later     
Current Music: theory of a deadman
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“I’M GOING TO DIE ALONE!”
-“Someone was shooting at me, but why? OUCH! I am in some kind of dark room, cold, so cold. My hands are soaking wet, and dripping with my own blood. I look down, I have been shot, and there are two open wound holes right under my left shoulder, one in fact going through my shoulder. The person standing in front of me, the shooter, is standing in a shadow, face covered. My shoulder is gushing blood. I realize someone is behind me, but as I got to turn the person behind me shot me again, right under my right arm, in my back. That bullet knocked me clear across the floor, and to my knees. I can not hold myself up, and I collapsed to my stomach. Lying on the floor; breathing harder, and harder.
Then someone starts screaming at me, “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE NORMALLY? YOU ARE RECIEVING NOW, WHAT YOU TRULY DISERVE! YOU WILL DIE LIKE THIS; NO ONE WILL EVER HEAR YOU SCREAM! ... ANY LAST WORDS?” I whisper back…”Over my dead body, Go to Hell!” Then they say “Its funny you use those words…See you there!” Yell voices slowly going away. Then one of them kick me in the ribs, and then stomach; knocking my air out, and ran away. ---Silence---
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Then I hear another voice, a very familiar voice. It’s him! He says “You need to get up…Please Jessica, get up, Please, Don’t let this stop us from being together!” I can barely talk; my air, still knocked out of me, “What are you doing here, tell me you did not just see that!” I breathe harder now. “Jessica Get up, you need help!” I look up to see him, and he was not there, he disappeared. I put my hands flat on the ground and push up; make my way to my knees, then to my feet. Looking all around me without turning my chest, because it hurts. Gone. Again! A tear runs down my cheek, but then I remember what he said “Don’t let this stop us from being together!”
I stood up, all the way, still wobbling, and take one step, then another, grasping on to the doorframe I see in front of me; blood on my hands and running down my arm, makes it slippery, and I fall again to the floor, hitting my head on the concrete, and cracking it open. With blood dripping down my forehead, I stood up and continued on. Holding on to walls, doorframes, and every once of my life that I had left. I made my way to a window, and looked out. I was in…a shed, it looks like. I looked around for a door; it was not too far away, I was hoping I could get to it in time.
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I made my way to it, and out the door I went. I looked around it was so familiar; the voices, the surroundings…I knew where I was, and looked around for something more familiar, to show me the path to get to her. And I found her, still wobbly, and breathe slowly receding; I moved my feet as fast as my body would let me to get to her. “Mom…I need…to get…to a…hospital…” I managed to say in between breathes, using every once of my strength to steady myself.
She ignored me. “Help…me! She turned, looked me right in the eye, then down my body, skimming over my pain, and said, “If people were suppose to go to hospitals, God would have made them when he made the earth. People die in their own time; when it is there time, and this is your time it seems.” My eyes were burning, my body is shaking, and its weight to hold up strong, is taking most of my energy. Holding my balance as much as I could, and the tears back with all I had, still managing to breathe, I said it again. “I need…to get…to…a hospital…PLEASE!” Once again she ignores me. I collapsed again, hitting my head, and cracking it further. I moaned with pain. I crawled like a soldier on dirt, as far as I could, and stood up again, walked into the nearest room, turned around, looked into the mirror, and began to cry. “Why Me?! Why Now?!”
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I screamed, “I am not ready to die…I love Him…I need to tell him…!” I scream, loosing my balance, grasping my hands on the vanity to hold myself up. “I LOVE YOU…all of you!” I scream with every once of energy I had left, as I collapsed finally to the floor. Trying so hard to keep my eyes open “I am so sorry” I whisper my last words, and take my last breathe, close my eyes, and my life, crying…to a low moan…using all I have to breathe. I breathe in once more and let it go with my life. My heart pumps, “Baboom…Ba…boom…Ba…BOOM!”
My agony call
To die alone without warning
When nobody knows whats up
To BE...one
of those unsolved murders.
When nobody knows Im even missing
When nobody knos to search for my remains
When nobody hears my agony call
Day after day, still no one knows
Day after day, still no one bothers
Day after day, and again no one knows
When no body knows im even missing
When nobody knos to search for my remains
When nobody hears my agony call
To BE an unsolved murder
Dead without warning
covered over like dust under a rug
Unseen
Unthought of
Unknown
When nobody hears my agony call!
I woke angry and crying and with this need to cut myself. I had to forget what I had just seen; what I had jus been through. I began to go over in my head, what happened in my dream. Why this? Why that? Why would she do this to me? What did I do? I remembered my mom, why didn’t she help me? What good is a god that would let this happen to me? How can he have the power to move a mountain, and not have the power to stop a bullet? If he loved me so much, why would he leave me? Was he even there? I began to hate my mom for letting me die, for ignoring me when I needed her the most. How could she do this to me?
But she didn’t, and I remembered it was only a dream, but I still couldn’t shake the fact that she would do that, and I was still so angry with her, and I showed it everyday from then out. Everyday I remembered that dream, and everyday I see her in a different light.
‘How do you deal?’
How do you deal with stress,
That refuses to go away?
How do you live with knowing,
You’ll die another day?
How do you deal with knowing,
Tomorrow could be your day?
How do you deal with,
Just wanting to go away?
When do you know your life,
Is about to end?
How do you seize the day,
Without pretend?
How do you live through it?
How do you prepare?
How do you get ready,
For something so unfair?
When do you know you’re ready?
How do you feel?
How do you know you’re ready?
How do you deal?
But what if I did do something wrong? What if I hurt someone? What if my mom was gone and in her place, an alien type human took over her heart? What if I was getting exactly what I disserved and my dream was just telling me so? I mean, no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone goes out of there way to upset people! Not everyone can, in two seconds, hit someone directly with their deepest hardcore thought, hitting them right where it hurts. Maybe I disserve all this. Some people would agree with me. “What goes around comes around.” So now I have the world telling me I am a horrible person, on top of myself, but I am trying to get better, I am trying to find myself amongst all the other people inside me, all on my own!
Current Music: PANIC! at the disco...'lieing ias the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off'
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V. 1
He wakes up in the morning
All that’s left is her perfume
He got rid of her shoes and packed her clothes
Nothing of hers left in the room
How’s he suppose to get over her?
How’s he suppose to live?
When is his time to die?
When can he forgive?
He was driving the car
Never seen it coming
Now it’s all over with
And her heart is but slow humming
In a hospital room
With nothing left to live for
He slowly leaves her body
And then closes the door
Chorus:
Nothing but a tear, and a broken heart
All her memories consume him
He doesn’t want to live without her
The lights in his soul grow dim
Nothing but a broken heart
And the smell of her perfume
Nothing but a wasted cradle
From the flower that now will never bloom
V. 2
A memory flashes before him, taking his breathe away
As she reads to him, that E.P.T.
And then again to one happy day
When he and she built the nursery
The paint would soon be dry
The room would all be done
A celebration was in need
Because any day they’d have their newborn son
They’re life was going great
Everything was fine
The baby was on the way
But someone ran a stop sign
(Chorus)
Bridge:
Got home that awful night
And took a few pills
Slit his wrists in the night, and took a few more
Called up some people, to say his last goodbyes
But instead dropped dead
How could anyone ever think
He’d ever forgive himself for what he’s done to her,
Forget their everlasting love,
And live forever now alone?
Her hero dies a dreadful death
Because you should have known
Current Music: Ozzy 'Gets me through'
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Look into those eyes
And say you’re still alright
Feel my shaking hands
And me give up the fight
The angels scream now
From up above
Their final words
Release their devoured love
None ever seen it coming
No one ever watched her close
None knew how much she hurt
No one knew she hate the most
Flinching from a touch
Waking up out of breathe
Wanting to die with only despair
Wanting nothing but her choice of death
Chorus:
Why won’t anyone ever see me?
Why won’t anyone ever know?
Why won’t anyone choose to hear me?
HERE I GO!!
YOU’LL NEVER SEE IT COMING!
YOU’LL NEVER KNOW THE END!
BUT ONCE YOU’RE DEAD, YOU’RE DEAD!
MY PAIN TO YOU I SEND!
She was once so sweet
Always told the truth
She was always ‘just there’
Purely through her youth
A smile that warms your heart
But a touch of pure sadness
Everyone’s so close-minded, and about themselves
Never foretold her madness
Hells gates are open wide
Waiting for their fallen angel
Diablo sends out one demon to devour her mind
And 1 demon to conquer her soul
Fighting, screaming, scratching,
Kicking, yelling. Giving up
Possessed now by the ground on though she used to walk
Her final drink of pure blood from hells cup
Chorus:
Bridge:
With her skin now as stiff as rock
Dead and forever disqualified
Buried beneath her own sweet tears and blood
She is now, but cold, cold candy eyes
Through all the sadness
Among all her grief
Though she used to always walk so tall
Forgotten now she dies
Current Music: The 69 eyes 'the lost boys'
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I open my eyes,and all i see is him,
i open my eyes,and the lights go dim.
what have i done?what did i do??
it doesnt have to end like this!but now im afraid thats how it do.
i look into his eyes,see deep within him,
all i wanna do is cry,but im still dieing inside.
life hurt, and i resorted, to leaveing the earth,
but wut kind of person would i be,if i took my own birth.
he looks down at me,his eyes crying my thoughts,
his tears attempting to heal my internal torture,but they will never heal my cuts.i dont kno what to do now,im dieing on the floor,
im lost inside myself, here closes the door.
my eyes begin to close, my heart beats its last beat,
all these memories flood, and i try hard to get to my feet.
It was my choice to live at first, and it is my choice to die,
but why like this,what have i dun, WHY??
life came crashing down, i never did anything right,
now im begging to stand, but my chest begins to get tight.
i always made the 'bad' choice, and i always found myself in trial,
but now i had the chance to take it all away,and all i need to do is dial.life was good, at one point, life was bad the next,
but now im dieing,, and i recieve a text.
' i love you', signed by my sis, now i cant take this bak,
it cant end like this, i lose consiousness,
and fall into a deep sleep,I feel woosy,
but I don’t hear a peep, the next thing i kno,
im standing in a black room,there is nothing anywhere,
im doomed,and then i hear a small voice,
it echos in the back, it says im not dead and it says
wut i did was wack...i scream at the top of my lungs for it to stop,
i scream for it to mind it's own, i scream, 'go away!!
leave me the f**k alone!' it teases me, and says
i had this to come, it teases me and says
that i have never been so dum. i tell it to leave me be,
and to go away please, it says ' no' and
i fall to my knees. across my mind i hear
' thats wut i thought,if u change ur mind,
u kno how i be caught'...
i fall inside myself, and im whirling down a dark whole,
i cant grab onto anything,and then im joined again with my soul,
i hear across my mind 'now open ur eyes'
i hear across my mind 'i will erase all the lies'..
i feel my breathe come bak to me,and i listen and open my eyes, im in bed,and im sweating and crying,
but hey at least im not dead!
----------written by jessica c.--in honor of all those almost suicides out there, that turned into a fight for your life!!
Current Music: 30 seconds to mars 'the kill'
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Where do u get more smileys?
-and-
Does anyone kno what 'RSS' means? | |
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| i mean seriously,, this is information i need,, i jus got 1oo points and i have no idea in the fantas how it happened,,,o and the whoolle no idea,,,i dont kno wut i was saying,, i jus heard it b4, and i doubt they even say wut i interpreted it as so,,,Peas and cheese!!! | |
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| dont tell me to jus tell him,,,it wont work!! he knos but i screwd it up,, doesnt make hurt any less | |
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i cant write,
because i have nothing to say,
i cant think
because i always think to that day
i cant b with 'people'
because im too lonely and distracted
i cant laugh
because by only him im deeply attracted
i cant talk to him
because i dont kno wut to say
but i cant not talk to him
because with him is where i long to lay
i cant forgive
because i cant forget
and i cant forget
because i refuse to forgive
i cant cry
because im too confused
, but i cant laugh
because im not amused
i cant b happy
because lifes unfair
and i cant get better
because i cant care
life hits me while im down
and i dont kno what to do
life hit me when i didnt kno
what or who
i know that i cant
ever change the past
but i dont seem to kno how
to ever make them last
i love this guy so very much
and i so very wish he knew
that i for him, is juliet,
and he for me, my boo
------me
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