Okay so my step sister found me on myspace, and added me as a friend. Before I approved her, (how could I not, right?) I had to delete or private a lot of different things.

I mean, these are people (my whole step family) that I wouldn't hang out with or have anything to do with were it not for my dad getting married in '88. Yes, I grew up with them, and dramatically away from them. My mom and husband's family know exactly who I am and I don't have anything to hide, but these people are just so different. In every way. I don't want to be rude, because they do want to see my son and they like him and I assume they like me at least a little, of what they know anyway.

But I don't think they have any real knowledge of who I really am. They don't know about my creative side, or what little they do, they have ignored. When I'm around them, I feel so out of place. Not sure honestly why I even do go around them at all. They are by far not bad people, but nothing like me. And I feel like if they knew the real me they would criticize if not chastise who I have become as an adult.

And I'm not sure that she even added me because she likes me, but rather just to be nosy. I don't know. I'm definitely glad they don't know about the forum site.

Then, when I looked at her page, after carefully looking over my own for things I didn't want them to know, hers was really sad to me. I mean, she's a stay at home mom like me, but under movies was "whatever my husband rents" under music "whatever my boys are listening to" and under books "the bible" and that is just so far away from me. I like maintaining my identity and being my own person, not just whatever my family is at the time, and I definitely have broader literary perspectives other than the bible.

I just think these people have no idea who I am, only what I have shown them.

Should I continue the facade for the sake of my dad's sanity (he's always picked them over me) or should I eventually just say f**k it, I am who I am, they aren't going to like it, so f**k 'em?

I've always wanted to maintain a relationship with my dad, but it seems like he loves these people more, and certainly wouldn't like me if he knew the real me.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Why couldn't I just have a normal family?