keanbean13

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Über-Commander 106 points
22/M/Oak Harbor, Join Date: Sep 2007 |
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Minister 11426 points | as the holidays draw nearer... November 26, 2008 @ 10:27:36 pm | | my thoughts just get worse and worse. I want to be happy and excited, for my sons sake. this will be his first Thanksgiving and christmas, but I can't help but dwell on the fact that is could very well be my dads last. I can't imagine life without him, and the holidays were always extra special. they were the times that I knew everything would be good and my family would algl be together. but the past few years, I have been stuck here, they're there, and it makes me so depressed. I love my family, and its hard enough not seeing them everyday, bu the holiday, a time for family, will b spent alone. I can only hope and pray that I will get to see my dad again before he passes away. his cancers spreading so rapidly now, that we have no idea when that moment might be. I can't even get into the holiday spirit because I worry so much about him. I only hope that this holiday season is extra special for him and te rest of my family, and they will make some great memories to remember him by, even if I can't. 10 comments | Reply |
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Minister 11426 points | my goal! November 21, 2008 @ 12:30:24 am | | im currently at 10,900 points! I want to make it to 11,000 points tonight. that mean I have to post me ASS off. I need to make long and meaningful posts so I can earn more than 2 points a post. I have 100 more points to earn, so who will go with me?! who wants to help me earn my 100 points tonight so I can make my 11,000 post goal? 31 comments | Reply |
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Minister 11426 points | love for a child... November 19, 2008 @ 08:10:14 pm | | each and everytime I look into my sons face I get choked up. looking at his beautiful face and curly blonde hair reminds me of the love only a mother can feel for their child. his smile brightens my day, and makes the stress and pressure of everyday living disappear for that moment. his cries tear at my heart and makes me want to comfort him until all his fears and hurts go away. every little thing he does is like another mountain climbed, and the pride I feel is overwhelming. the love for a child is such an amazing feeling and can not be replaced. 3 comments | Reply |
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Minister 11426 points | unavailable numbers.... November 14, 2008 @ 04:41:36 pm | im sick of people calling from unavailable numbers. if you don't have the balls to call from a valid number don't f**king call at all. its been happening all morning. ill get a call, answer and nobody will answer. bad thing is the hospital and someone I work with have unavailable numbers so I can't just ignore the calls. im sick of it and am pretty sure I know who the bitch is who keeps doing it.  6 comments | Reply |
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Minister 11426 points | had some tests run today... November 14, 2008 @ 12:12:15 am | I had to be at the hospital at 8AM this morning to have an ultrasound of my gallbladder. they found something, but I have to wait 72 hours to find out what exactly. the lady had me turn from side to side so much I began to forget what way I was supposed to turn. lol. I talked the lady into showing us the baby again. it was nice. we could see the heart flickering it its chest. the babys spine looked awesome, sow I don't think we are going to have any problems. the whole time we were doing the ultrasound the baby was playing with its face, it was adorable. I can't wait until next month to find out what we are having!5 comments | Reply |
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Minister 11426 points | i swear people want to stat shit November 13, 2008 @ 02:23:22 am | | if its not one thing its another. I hate people who are to bitcha** to say s**t to my face. if you've got a f**king problem with me, say it. don't go starting s**t behind my back. I swear to god right now I will beat the bitches face in if she starts anything else. 11 comments | Reply |
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Minister 11426 points | just got done at the doctors November 11, 2008 @ 08:53:40 pm | | and everythings good! my baby is good, and thankfully its only one!!! they have scheduled me for a gallbladder ultrasound on Thursday to check for gallstones. they're concerned about my weight loss. im so glad everythings going good! can't wait until December 10th! I get to find out if its a girl or boy finally! and we have decided to get a 4-D ultrasound with this child as well. that's exciting, I can't wait. 6 comments | Reply |
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Minister 11426 points | random mumblings November 11, 2008 @ 04:31:28 am | I dnt know why but lately I have been thinking too much. im always down it seems. I keep letting people get to me and im not sure why. people who have no reason to just seem to constantly want to attack me about stuff. I hate it. im so fed up with feeling like I have to please everyone. I know a lot of it has to do with the relationship id had for so long with men. they all hav ended the same way. relationship after relationship seems to go wrong. they all are abusive, and have completely destroyed my self esteem. I know im attractive, but just don't feel like it. honestly, I don't want people constantly telling me not to worry I look fine because it just makes me more aware of my flaws. I hate living this way. wish I could magically snap out of this funk and be mysef again.  1 comments | Reply |
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Minister 11426 points | another bad night.... November 06, 2008 @ 06:28:09 pm | I don't understand what's wrong with me. three nights in the past week or so, I've woke up with my stomach cramping and twisting in knots and then throwing up. each time its happened, I've ate something different. it doesn't seem to matter what I eat really. it doesn't have any prereqs. I will just wake up suddenly at like 3 AM and have to rush to the bathroom. ill throw up for about 30 minutes, get all shaky, dizzy, clammy, and get the chills, then an hour or so after that im fine. im really concerened. I can't keep it up being pregnant. im losing energy constantly, and am afraid something will happen to the baby. why me?!
*yes, im whining, but im miserable...*5 comments | Reply |
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