there's nothing interesting or inspiring left i could write here. i am down to my last bottle of pills and my head is killing me.

let's get down to basics i hate almost everything. i am not cool, and i am not egotistical. i am a little insane, and i have multiple anxiety problems that make me come off as a jerk. maybe for the fact i am a jerk. i have dry humor, and a lot of wit, that is one of the few things i have going for me. i have been in love once, i have been engaged the same... but did i mention i am scared of marriage?

i am conventionally unconventional. they start most rumors that go on about me only to see how much the story changes by the end. it is like we are all in kindergarten again and they are the kids making up something that could easily be slurred into something unthinkable or unacceptable, or something so vicious that people would take a second between whispers to say it, but still would because people love the outcome of anything so malicious.

did i mention, my name wasnot really andy, disregard the rumors - i officially changed that one too. the truth and reality are interwoven, what is true vs. what is not really doesnt matter anymore, it is what sells. that is the media, that is the world. i am the crazy silent kid, you cut, i bleed, i do awful things behind closed doors. i will never tell, sorry mom. sorry aaron. sorry ashton. sorry rose scout. the more i donot tell the more people want to know. mystery is what we strive on, things out in the open shed no interest to people out there. they want to know what ,s so awful, what ,s so terrible that people cannot say. what that kid in the corner is thinking, why he is so closed off, so quiet. i will be the biggest thing that noone ever knew about.

cryptics is really were my talent lays but i will go onto the more blunt and factual parts of this entry. i am sixteen years old, or is it nineteen? i don't know birthdays anymore than i know friday from monday. my concept of time is warped, along with my concept of many other things. i live in my own world, i stray from the facts - which i am doing right now. we soon have an ep and lp out, that is the reality of it. notes and photographs is my morbid take on life, sleepwalker is the positive side of love, yes for the record - i did say positive. we are on tour right now, we will be on tour still in agusut. but my health problems doesnot let me get on stage anymore. when we are not on tour we are in the studio, when we are neither place i donot know where to go. i bum off aaron's parents, but i prefer my fiancee's place in alabama. yes, i have a fiancée, oh i mentioned that already didnot i? i have no sense of memory, i have no sense of anything. it is the here and the now, not the past or the future. the past you cannot dwell on and the future is something to surprise you. i hate things staying the same, i hate trends. i hate the fact that my hair and style becomes both without my acknowledgment i hate that i strayed from the point, that is even if i ever had one. go pick up sleepwalker, make it possible for me to splurge on the essential things in life.

see:
prescription drugs
hard liquor
mac makeup

did i mention i am from vegas but also ohio? i am... my family has another house in ohio. i spent many years in ohio. might go back there soon. or i may move to LA for recording. i guess i am not beachy enough, i shared a lot of personal time with their backroom. by the way i have been told i am not enough of a lot of things during my life, that doesnot stop me. i am still here. what point am i getting at here, except for none at all, this has been a ramble and i apologize. i will try to be wittier next time, if i remember. i think that is all, i am sure i probably forgot something, regardless...
but anyway...

give me closure.