when everybody loves you, you can never be lonely.
sometimes...
sometimes it is not that easy.

i am the ghost in the bed. you can touch because i cannot rest. and the lights are always off so i can mold you in the dark. i can shape and pretend. "i just want to have a good time, just like everybody else, but i do not want to fall apart"

having my feet back on the ground makes me feel secure and even the windstorms of the middle east couldnot knock me down. i am on top of everest, on top of the world- atop of the stars, i am the universe. i am the king of the feeble, the king of hearts found fifty two times in your magic deck of thin cardboard. we are two leaves left on the last dressed tree, but we are not crumbling like the rest because my love is so fresh and has the sweet scent of the rarest flower of sensuality. when i am sober, i am the strongest man on earth on display in the steriod department the largest of people envy me and i stare back at them with that couragous look in my eye i am the most beautiful porclain doll you have ever seen, limited edition understocked in city windows. i am pined for, i am envied, i am everything anyone has ever wanted- but i am yours and that is all i want.

wishes are coming true like snow is falling maybe each flake is a prayer i sent. my friends are back where they belong with me keeping my soul warm when scarves and hats no longer work. home for the holidays is with you guys though forgive me when the sun does set and i need to return to someone who needs me more than anything.

i have not lost hope, but when the phone rings at 12:03, my heart sinks at the sound of truth and silence of a woman's voice. i lost everything i ever had, yet, i have everything i'd ever wanted- but it comes down to the stern whisper on the end of the line that goes "i am sorry". losing your family is like losing where you came from- my mother's gone. brother's gone. my sister's gone. and what was left of me, the bitter man i called home has farewelled without a goodbye. i am more in shock than pain. more in anger than in mourning. funerary plans are up to me but i must wonder, who would attend the ceremony of a man who tore up his son... who drank away his son and died alone with precious family?