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"I am what I am"
On July 27, 2007 earz


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Mega Über-Meister
3872 points


20/F/ask me, United Kingdom
Join Date: Dec 2004

My Stats
Age: 20
Gender: F
Location: ask me
Scotland
United Kingdom
Posts: 4180
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Joined:: Dec 28, 2004
Last on: Jul 27, 2007
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++AciD_bUrNed_SoUL++
a melodic blend of intense breakdowns//
Public entry my illness
October 27, 2006 @ 12:59:48 pm
well just basically going to spill my guts out on this. do not read further if you don't care.

bit of a rant at myself. i pity myself.

well for the past week i've been insanely vomiting. and since i couldn't keep anything down, i haven't been eating, so i've been really dizzy, and close to fainting a few times. went to the doctors yesterday, and he gave me an injection in my ass, and gave me tons of pills.

apparently it's just a virus which my immune system is incapable of handling.

the pills are working though. but since i havent really been out the house apart from tuesday(will post about this after lunch. Andy + me in his flat = fun) ive been really down.

and well anyone who remembers will know that i was/am clinically depressed, so right now im in a bit of a state. my mum thinks im developing agoraphobia, coz i never want to leave my room.

a few months ago i told my therapist that my life was going really well and that i didnt think i needed to see her again.but since then iv been burning myself. i stoppd cutting altogether, which believe me was a huge thing.

but my mum saw the burns and phoned my therapist, and now im going to have to tell her that i lied to her and pretended that i was okay. im really quite scared.

my oral fixation is getting worse - i bite ym fingers or nails or my dog tag, or anything i can, whenever i get a chance. i get extremly nervous when people so much as talk to me.

i wish my world - my lie - would come true. it's so much easier to handle.
Current Music: weezer - perfect situation

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Kasabian


Ogler
20155 points
October 27, 2006 @ 01:21:36 pm


I'm sure you have lots of mates online to talk to but if ya wanna speak to a strange cornish guy you more than welcome


pinksparklystars


Ogler
25440 points
October 27, 2006 @ 01:55:08 pm
i am sorry that you have to feel that way i used to be extremely depressed but my mom did not believe in all of that, so i had to get over it myself.

What happen was one day i was just like i dont wanna be like that anymore, and i spent the majority of my time trying to figure out why i was depressed and how i could deal with it better.

I just look at the world like, everything that happens happens for a reason (most of the time you dont know what that reason is tell a while down the road) and when bad times come your way it only makes you stronger as a person.

Some times i still fall back into being depressed, and i really hate it because to me it is a horrible feeling, so i always find things to cheer me up, or a different way to channel my feels.

I hope that you get better, maybe you should get a punching bag? It helps to get anger out instead of hurting yourself.

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