 eab
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346 points
22/M/melbourne, Australia
Join Date: Apr 2007 |
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Ok it's been a while since i updated my journal so this might be a bit long. so i figured i'd put it into sections to help me sort this out
Exams: well the uni semester is over and i'm now into my exams. i have 5, i've completed four and i'm thinking i should pa** these but the maths one coming up is the one i'm most worried about. University maths just sucks. I'm not a theory person so i don't really get the point of any of this stuff and because of this i hate learning it. Unfortunately if i fail two subjects this semester i'll get kicked out of uni, put simply i've failed too many allready. I'f this doesn't work i'm joining the army (i'm not kidding)or the salvo's (joking)
Cars: My car is really bugging me now, i've spent maybe 4 grand on it and the entire electrical system is still shagged. I'm going to re-wire the whole thing during holidays which will hopefully fix it, I'f it doesn't i'll be pissed and it would just hurt to sell it cause i dont have the money to fix it right now. Did i mention that the battery needs to be charged if i run the lights for more than an hour?
Money: Something i don't care about but yet has so much influence over my life. It's something i wish i could live without most of the time, trading would be better with me as far as I'm concerned. I'm working at a property maintenance place at the moment but not getting enough hours to make it worthwhile. This should change after exams but it takes so much out of me i don't have the energy to do anything once i knock off and since it usually starts at 7am i don't do anything before hand either. On top of this one of my housemates is moving out in june and now i have to cover part of her rent as well.
Girls: this is still a problem for me, if you've read my other journals you'll know this. My ex is still after me to the point of obsessive and I've said I'll hang with her again but made it clear nothings going to happen, she keeps pushing it and it's driving me nuts. On top of this i've had a crush on another girl for ages now but don't think she's into me like that and i'm too gutless to find out otherwise. I'm so used to having a girlfriend that i have no idea on how to actually go about asking someone out anymore anyway (havn't been single for about 7 years (different girls but always wrong for me)i have a strange habit of picking the girls with serious insecurities and erattic emotions. I'd say my last relationship was 30% good and 20%don't care and 50% dealing with irrational abuse. So yeah i'm screwed on all fronts so i think staying single is the right thing for me for a while.
Other: got new strings for my guitar so i can start writting my songs again which has always been a good way for me to cope with things. i'f you want to know more just ask. I think i'll start doing my art stuff again too, i really want to get into some photography but maybe thats just wishful thinking. what i really want to do is take my skates, my board and dissapear from everyone i know and start somewhere else without anything just basically backpack across the globe helping people out with their problems. Somehow i'm alot better at that than solving my own. I want a world where people aren't afraid to stop and help someone, where no-one walks past the beggar in the street abusing him and most of all forgivness. Seems like a pretty hopeless dream sometimes but hey if i stop trying i'll be what i hate.
Anyway thanks for reading, just needed to open up for a bit. Even if no-one reads this i think writting this stuff up it's just good to get it out.
Night all, wish you all the best
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