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723 points
20/F/menomonee falls, Wisconsin
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angelstar529
Debater
5116 points | Oh The Agony!!!
December 01, 2008 @ 07:08:22 pm | Anyone here participate in "extreme sports?" My boyfriend, myself and some of his/now our friends went out riding quads yesterday for several hours. The bumps, the hills, the slamming of my upper thighs into the handle bars (and the resulting breakage of the gas controler on my quad)...omg the pain I am in!!! 
Can't complain too much tho...here's what happened to my man when he flipped his quad into the wrong gear and gunned it! (He's fine, btw, just a little bruised up)
More... | 2 comments | Reply |
angelstar529
Debater
5116 points | I Am So Disgusted...
November 22, 2008 @ 08:56:25 pm | With a majority of the people I work with! This week I attended two funerals. Both were for relatives of people that I work with. The first was the alleged suicide of the 40 year old son of a woman on first shift AND the life partner of another woman on first shift. This was out of the blue and the funeral was during regular working hours. The second one, which I just returned from attending today, was for the 34 year old daughter of a close friend and co-worker on my/second shift. She passed away after a long and courageous fight with cancer.
At the first funeral, which I attended cause I used to be the man's manager at a previous job, I and one other person from my current employer were the only people from work to attend. At the funeral today, I was the only person from our company to attend. Mind you, this is a company of over 600 people and doing the job that we do, we are all very well known.
My disgust is with the people who call themselves our supervisors! When I was a manager for Wal-Mart, I was the one who attended every funeral for employees and their families. That's expected! Where was the company support NOW for these two grieving families?!?! I went, not only for myself, but for the families as well. To offer my condolences and support. The plant manager did not attend either, nor did the direct supervisors. What the f**k is wrong with these people? I know that work is work and personal life is personal life but come on!!! Your employees are hurting...they should know that the company they work for is there for them!
UGH! The whole thing just angers me and has caused me to lose respect for a lot of people who talked the talk when the deaths happened, but couldn't be bothered to a take an hour out of their days to walk the walk of support!5 comments | Reply |
angelstar529
Debater
5116 points | Thinking about the kind of person I used to be....
July 24, 2008 @ 07:16:52 am | I've been doing a lot of thinking about the past lately. Why? I don't know.
Perhaps it has something to do with knowing that next year is going to be my,
gasp, ten year high school reunion, or maybe I am just having a nostalgic
moment in my life. I don't know. Along with the awesome memories of all the
good times that I had come things that I remember doing that, at the time, just
seemed like the right thing to do. In retrospect, I have realized that I used
to be a person that I am not very proud of ever being.
I pride myself, now, of being a person who is unique. A person who lives her life
for herself, not anyone else. A person who is not afraid to be herself, not matter
what the costs. And above all, a person who doesn't feel the need to follow the
band wagon of people out there who decide what is "cool" and what isn't. Looking
back on myself and the things that I have done and the people I have likely hurt
in the process, I realize that I was not always like this and it kind of makes me
sick.
Let's look at college in particular because there are definately a few things that
happened while I was there that I wish I would have handled differently. That, if
given the chance to go back and do over again, I would like to think that I would
have made some different choices. Things that, if I were faced with the same situations
at this point in my life, I would have definately made different decisions, treated
some people better, and probably have been a much happier person in the long run.
To start with, I was friends with a group of girls whom I tried VERY hard to fit
in with. So much so that I changed who I was and what I thought just so that I would
be liked and not made fun of. Worst of all, I liked and disliked people for the same
reasons. These girls were the type of girls that I had always wanted to be like in
highschool, and when they wanted to be friends with me in college, I was thrilled.
It was like I had been given another chance to be "cool." Instead of being this
outcast that I had been for the four years I spent in highschool, suddenly I was part
of this popular group of outgoing, pretty, rebellious girls who were everything that
I never had a chance to be in highschool cause I was the chubby girl who did theatre.
I was popular and that felt great, which was probably why I put on the act that I did
in college and did so many of the things that I now look back on that wonder what the
f**k kind of person had I become then. I became very judgemental of other people.
I made fun of people I should have probably never made fun of and wanted to date people
that I honestly wouldn't have really wanted to date had I been really being myself.
I can say that I wasn't this fake a** version of myself the entire time I was in college.
There was a point where I had blue hair, listened to punk rock and was exploring another
side to my personality that I didn't know existed. It didn't last very long because
I succeeded in only making myself feel more like an outcast than I already did, and
eventually I went back to being blond and wearing the college labels of the time. All
cause I wanted to fit in. It never really worked for me, at least not on the inside.
I wasn't happy with who I was. If I had been, I doubt that I would have downed a bottle
of pills mixed with a bottle of rum one night and woken up talking to the tv and watching
imaginary bugs crawling up the walls of my room. I wouldn't have wanted so much to make
it all end that I tried over and over again to do just that. Somehow I survived myself.
I am not exactly sure why but when I look back on it, I am glad that I never succeeded
with those attempts to take my own life. Times like this make me feel like I was
given this second chance to really be myself and I am happy, daily, that I am still
here, and more importantly, that I am who I want to be for once - myself.
It's not easy to look back on some of these things. It's not easy for me to talk about
them in all seriousness. And it's even harder for me to sit here and type out the truth,
mostly cause it's kind of embarassing how stupid I was and how just down right evil I was
to a few people inparticular, including myself. Even now, years removed from the sitation,
when I can look back and say, I should have done this, I should have done that, blah blah blah,
it is very hard for me to admit to some of the mistakes that I made. Mistakes that clearly
haunt the back of my mind and one inparticular very recently. But I am going to make myself
type it out, if for no other reason than that I think it might end up being somewhat cathartic
to get it off my chest and out of my heart and, while unlikely, off my conscience.
I was recently given the opportunity to be able to meet again, someone from my past, from
college, that I honestly wasn't very nice to. I dated him for a while my freshman year.
It wasn't all that long but when we were alone, I remember generally having a good time
with him, no matter what we were doing. Of course, he was not someone that my so-called
friends approved of. They made fun of him to his face and behind his back and to their
faces, I was embarassed to be with him. I don't think that I ever told him that. I mean,
who in their right mind tells someone they had actually grown to care about that, hey, guess
what? You're a great person, I like you a lot, but my friends don't, so I can't be with you
any longer. The funny thing is that since then I have learned that with friends like that, who
needs enemies. He was someone that I was able to actually be myself around. I wasn't able
to be that person with those frenemies I held in such high reguard, or rather, such stupidity.
Perhaps that was why I enjoyed being with him most when we were alone. I was afraid of losing
that "cool" and "popular" feeling I had when I was out with my friends so much that I was afraid
to actually let them know that I wasn't just screwing around with this guy, that I actually
liked him. I did such a good job of convincing them of this that I had actually managed to
convince myself of it, till now. If memory serves me properly, and it might not as there have
been many things I have done since then to deplete my brain cells (smart, I know, right?), I
went home for spring break or something of the sort, while I was dating him and I came back
and broke up with him. I think it was maybe a week later, tho it could have possibly been
that same day, that he told me that he thought he had been starting to fall in love with me.
Now, honestly, I can say that that DID scare the s**t out of me. The real and the faux me.
I wasn't ready for love at that point in time. Clearly, I didn't even love myself to be able
to be myself around people I considered to be my friends. But, to make a long story short, I
bolted. I bolted in every way, shape and form. I was scared, not only cause that was the first
time I had ever heard that from someone I wasn't related to by blood, but also because I
think that I had more feelings for this guy than I realized - more feelings than I wanted to
have for anyone, including myself. Worst part of it is, that I didn't break up with him
because of anything that he had done or because I didn't like him, because I honestly did,
more than I let on to anyone, ever, until right now. I broke up with him because I knew that
my freinds at the time, the so-called ones that I apparently wanted more than anything else in
the world to be able to fit in with, couldn't and/or wouldn't accept him as someone worth my
time to date. How horrible is that?
As I was saying, I was recently given the opportunity to meet this guy again, for the first time
in almost ten years. I was headed there, I was looking forward to it, and I was scared of it
at the same time. I was bringing my best friend Jessica with me. Things happened so that she
was not able to attend the event we were supposed to be headed to Saturday night. I was disappointed,
not only that I wasn't going to be able to share a fun night out with my best friend, but
mostly cause I knew deep down that I was too scared to go it alone. Mother nature gave me the best
excuse in the world to not be able to attend the show - she decided to make it down pour and flash flood
so bad that I decided that I couldn't drive safely down there by myself. It was just the out
I was looking for, no matter how unhappy I was about the circumstances. It wasn't that I was
scared to go out on a Saturday night by myself and it wasn't that I was scared that something
was going to happen that I wasn't going to be able to control. I WAS scared to face, alone, a part
of my past that I am not proud of. I was scared of having to look him in the eyes and try to
explain what had happened all those years ago, to have to relive it again in my mind. And I was
scared what he must think of me, after what I had done to him, whether he understood it or not.
And I didn't want to know what he thinks about me after all this time. I have become a different,
much better person than I was back then but would I ever really be able to overcome how awful I
was to him all those years ago, in his eyes, or in my mind. Clearly, I cannot in my own mind,
because I still feel bad about it.
OK..this will have to be continued...I don't know what else to say at the moment...lost in the
past I guess.Reply |
sarahf
Minister
12526 points | AP Math class Ruins lives
February 14, 2008 @ 06:56:50 am | | sitting in math cla** today, after deciding that i would have to switch out because it was too hard and what it meant to my future, i thought to myself ” what if i’m just not cut out for a life of success” with so much focus on succeeding today it is obvious that not all of us will make it, so why not just relax and let the people who deserve it take the lead. i also think that its unfair that my performance as a teenager should affect the outcome of my life. i mean, we are at the peak of confusion here and they expect us to put that aside and think of the futures we probably wont have, strive towards the goal we wont reach. and in the end be let down and be forced to settle into our lives working the desk job in your cubicle with the picture of the window drawn in purple crayon. if your that lucky, see because you dropped out of mixed math in grade 11 means you cant GET that job because you are OBVIOUSLY not able to do math, not that we ever use a parabola again in everyday life or could remember it at that point in our lives, but that doesn’t matter because you needed to know it 12 years ago to be able to pass. anyways, i’m headed for my life of banality. see you there. 1 comments | Reply |
angelstar529
Debater
5116 points | NERVOUS!!!
December 24, 2007 @ 09:36:45 pm | | I am heading out for Christmas Eve dinner and such with my boyfriends family. I am meeting them for the first time today. That alone would make one nervous...but to top it all off, I am meeting his three girls today as well! it would be totally different if they were all young and like babies or something but they are 8, 10, and 12! I am sooos scared! Ok, enough procrastinating, i actually need to leave before i am late! 6 comments | Reply |
angelstar529
Debater
5116 points | Thinking about things....
December 21, 2007 @ 10:26:10 am | It's freaking Christmas time again. I think I am supposed to go around dancing and singing carols about something that I don't believe in, just so that I don't appear to be one of those wonderful people who is biased against what some believe to be the true reason for the season. Let me tell ya what, tho. For the last seven years I have been a slave to the retail store environment. Not just any retail store but the worst of them all, the one that everyone loves to hate....oh yes, thats correct, I spent almost six of my seven retail years with Wal-Mart. This year, in fact, is my first official NON-RETAIL nightmare Christmas! And everyone keeps telling me to have a merry one - oh how they have NO idea how merry it already has been in these weeks that have been leading up to one of the biggest retail nightmares ever. And finally, I can say with full honesty, I am enjoying the damned holidays! Number one - because I dont have to deal with bitchy customers all day long, wondering why, if its only one week till Christmas, we MIGHT be sold out of the latest, greatest movie, game, toy, whatever. Number two - I am having a relatively stress free holiday season thus far. And number three - of course I am going to have a happy new year - things are soo much different than they were a year ago and yet it still feels hard to accept that everything has changed in my life. A new house, a new job, a new man to spend my time with....its like a whole new me, literally. And its great!
I just gotta say this one last thing as I am still in the bitterness stages of my last break up, even tho I have moved on for the most part. There is absolutely no way in Hell this year could be any worse than last year! This New Years HAS to be better than last years - being dumped on a Holiday was NOT the highlight of my year last year....but it happened. And now I know, that no matter what this holiday season brings, it HAS to be better than last year. Even knowing that the plant that i work at caught on fire while i was there last night at work and will subsequently not be running any production for the next couple days, if not weeks, STILL makes this year better than the last!Reply |
sarahf
Minister
12526 points | i have mono.. halp
September 06, 2007 @ 05:05:34 pm | | there is " nothing they can do" for me and no advice ( i got a s**t doctor) so any advice other than advil.. if i take anymore i'll die 9 comments | Reply |
sarahf
Minister
12526 points | so i quit my job today
June 14, 2007 @ 10:00:39 pm | well yestrerday lol
:D AND its pay day so i gte money for nothing, then another one next week.. life is grand3 comments | Reply |
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