"i'm not lost, just undiscovered"  cole
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Minister
14178 points
33/M/Stirling, United Kingdom
Join Date: Apr 2006 |
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95% of the world's population will at some point experience Arse Grapes [aka Piles/Hemarroids]
This was news to me and if someone had told me this prior to Friday i would have done my level best to stay within the 5% that don't have to suffer this uncomfortable and slightly embaressing condition.
I did a house move on Friday and the heavy lifting was apparently enough to provide me with an Arse grape, which incidentally hurts like f**k, i can't describe the pain and uncomfortablness as i have never experienced anything like it 
So after aquiring some "cream" on the saturday i have been smothering the little blighter with this nearly every hour, but it grows, evertime i do the cream it seems to double in size and hurts even more, when they hell will this shrink? i feel like lancing it with a hot needle but i have been told that will serve no purpose 
I thought old men and pregnant women were the only ones to suffer from this, not healthy young men in their prime  i don't have constipation, i eat pretty healthily, i eat plenty of fruit, i'm regular as clockwork  so why me
Anyone got some old wifie remedies for this thing, i'm think about tying some string around it till it withers and dies  | |
treacle
Über-Monkey
52129 points | Ok firstly all of my collegues are looking at me strangly as i have just burst out laughing. So thanks for that, what had seemed to be a pretty crap day has just been made light by your funny journal.
Never had piles so i really wouldnt know what to suggest. Perhaps its immune to the cream now, so instead of it going away it uses it to bulk up?!? It may grow so big it eats your ass?!? (btw that could happen, i saw it in a film)
Go to the doctors cole. Pull your trousers down, bend over and hope theres something he can prescribe.   |
sazzie
Monk
35902 points |  You poor thing, I know exactly how they feel.
Mine was caused by my medication making me constipated and yes the cream didn't help at all so I just grinned and bared it. After a week or so it went away by itself. |
christa
Über-Minister
16715 points | owch thats not good
sorry i dont know any home remedies
hope it gets better soon!
i was lucky i never had them through both my pregnancies |
twohot4u
Minister
10227 points | | I have got a site for u. it is www.myhomeremedies.com. they do have a topic about hemorroids. I hope this helps your situation. Unfortunately, me being pregnant, i have not ever experienced hemorroids, and i hope i don't ever have too!! i hope this helps and get better cole, let me know if this helps. |
pete
Über-Monkey
59729 points | | Arse grapes haha never heard them called that before, |
Silver_Lining
Monk
33001 points | | this reminds me of an episode of two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, gaz gets piles goes to the doctors and apparently when all the woman does is poke it back up, but not sure if that is true or not |
mollymalone
Über-Minister
15065 points | | I know how you are feeling I had them a few times. Keeping using the cream and they will dissappear over time. I also took a bath with salt in it. It helps relieve the itch. |
kasabian
Minister
10017 points | cole said: 95% of the world's population will at some point experience Arse Grapes [aka Piles/Hemarroids]
This was news to me and if someone had told me this prior to Friday i would have done my level best to stay within the 5% that don't have to suffer this uncomfortable and slightly embaressing condition.
I did a house move on Friday and the heavy lifting was apparently enough to provide me with an Arse grape, which incidentally hurts like f**k, i can't describe the pain and uncomfortablness as i have never experienced anything like it
So after aquiring some "cream" on the saturday i have been smothering the little blighter with this nearly every hour, but it grows, evertime i do the cream it seems to double in size and hurts even more, when they hell will this shrink? i feel like lancing it with a hot needle but i have been told that will serve no purpose
I thought old men and pregnant women were the only ones to suffer from this, not healthy young men in their prime i don't have constipation, i eat pretty healthily, i eat plenty of fruit, i'm regular as clockwork so why me
Anyone got some old wifie remedies for this thing, i'm think about tying some string around it till it withers and dies
Hahaha
I'm 34 and never had em, your obviously and old get in a young body  |
kasabian
Minister
10017 points | tosser?
your the one telling everyone ya have grapes hanging from your rectum |
Shug
Minister
10784 points | | I can't wait! |
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