 blue_oval_baby
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Debater
6623 points
44/F/Sterling, Colorado
Join Date: Apr 2008 |
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Hi! My name is Ferd (aka Ferdinand, aka Ferd The Turd). I am a studly, large, black 4 year old neutered male cat. I am staying with my friend, Sheri, while my owner, John (aka Johnny Hollywood) tours with his band.
I would like to start off by saying that I hate Sheri, and she's a bitch. My owner lets me outside. Sheri won't. She keeps spouting some inane bulls**t about it not being safe to let cats outside. I plan on clawing her eyes out while she's sleeping, or at least, getting in the cupboards and messing up s**t.
My "roommates" are... a stupid cat thay call Stubbie. He thinks he's the s**t, but I knocked some sense into his dumb-a** real quick-like. The second is HUGE fat cat named Anna. All she does is sleep and bitch. Typical woman. The third is an ancient geriatric cat named Thomas. He spends his time sleeping, eating and s**tting nuclear waste in the cat box. I don't know what good he is except for fumigation.
So, I've spent my day being incredibly pissy. I snort and smack when I'm upset, so everyone's had a piece of me today. I hear my owner called and asked how I was doing, and that Sheri-bitch had the nerve to tell him I was doing fine! Fine? FINE??? I'm living in a house full of morons, and she says I'm FINE???
I'm going to crawl under the covers on the bed, get hair everywhere, and continue to be mad. Ferd out. | |
discordtiger
Ogler
20774 points | OMG!!! 
I sense your pain Ferd, being on house arrest in a strange place is awful. I think that maybe you should try and touch Fat Anna in the belly, I hear the girl secretly loves that! |
plebian_angel
Ogler
24139 points | OMG. you poor kitty. Sheri is an evil bitch!   |
wingsy
Ogler
25803 points | | Oh Ferd, you poor thing! |
40isnotsobad
Debater
6229 points | I am sorry Ferd, but that is the funniest story I have ever heard!
You need to take that act on the road! |
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