 beobscureclearly
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Mega Über-Meister
3637 points
30/F/Back of Beyond, Australia
Join Date: Nov 2005 |
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erlend
Ogler
21447 points | Erlend Goes Emo All of a Sudden
 June 11, 2008 @ 07:01:53 pm 0 Kudos   | So I just stood there, feeling big and dumb. You don't really know what that feeling is like until someone tells you they don't love you anymore. The woods around me turned into a gray mist. All that was left in the world was her big, bright eyes and the massive lump in my throat.
After a few seconds my voice came back to me. I spoke, but now i know it was mostly bulls**t. Most of it made it worse, I am sure. Still, I managed to say a few things I would normally have forgotten. For the first time in a long time, my full attention was on her and what I was telling her. Her eyes shone up at me. Looking into those eyes didn't make me cry at the time. I guess the oncoming hypoglycemia helped.
I must have said all the wrong things, because the first few words of her response turned her sweet voice into tears. I held her close, and I realized I hadn't held her like that in a long time. Too long.
I convinced her to have another talk about it, soon. The words "just friends" and "bad breakup" kept bumping into each other inside my head. I smiled and kissed her on the lips, probably for the last time, and said "see you later". I tried to make it sound like the truth.
Walking away, my legs felt like they were about to give or simply break apart. I looked over my shoulder about a dozen times, but she kept her back turned until all that was left of her was the voice calling for her dog. A part of me hoped she didn't want me to see her crying again. Another part of me cursed myself for thinking that. It still does.
The walk home was a close fight between anger and sorrow. The winner was fatigue. I fell onto my bed and got a few hours of sleep. It felt like I dreamed more than I slept, which was new to me. In the dream, everything was okay again. She sent me text messages telling me she'd changed her mind. When I woke up, there were a few terrifying minutes when I couldn't tell what was dream and what was real. Well, hey. At the time I would have done anything to postpone reality. I still feel that way, although not as strongly as before. Maybe I've started to recover. Problem is, I'm still not entirely sure if I have anything to recover from. When it comes to placing myself in painful positions, I'm quite the expert.
Next time: What the sane part of me really thinks about all of this.6 comments | Reply |
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Anyways I'm back now and about to go to work to plough through a ton of paperwork. Its nice to be home 
