bobbimay said:
I know that I would have a hard time letting my child go to jail....But then their is something to be said about tough love

vizzy said:
Man, that's a tough one. At some point we have to let our kids suffer the consequences of their chocies and behavior, but I'm not sure I could let my child go to jail. You really do not know what could happen to him, even in county jail. I've heard horror stories. Dos he live with you? Is there some way to pay his fine, but get the money back from him?

babyjane said:
Yeah he lives with us. He's 19 (20 in May) and the boy seems to have no capacity for common sense. It really baffles the heck out of me. We have four boys, he's the oldest, and then my 18 year old step son who also lives with us, plus our two younger sons. Our 18 year old is very mature and responsible, goes to college, studies hard and is the polar opposite of our oldest, so I really just don't understand. He's not bad as in criminal bad or doing drugs bad, he's just a knucklehead. He does work full time and pays a token amount of "rent" but most of his money goes to his car, insurance and whatever else he blows it on.

I think part of the reason my husband is so furious and willing to let him learn the hard way is that he just got his income tax return about three weeks ago, bought himself an X-Box 360 and a bunch of new clothes and crap, and didn't take of these fines he knew he had. And on top of that just last week when his car broke down, we reluctantly bailed him out by paying for the repairs on the promise of being paid back...so it's just like never ending. Still, the thought of my kid going to jail makes me feel physically sick, I can't do it. My husband is absolutely furious and I think not really thinking about the big picture here.

vizzy said:
Maybe it's time to tell him he has to move out and pay his own way? Cover this so he doesn't end up in jail and then let him know he has to cover his own expenses. He's gotta know you love him, but that doesn't mean you're his lifetime financial supporter...that you love him enough to teach him, to MAKE him, become self reliant.
I know it's hard. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

babyjane said:
Thanks I needed a little sympathy. That's pretty much how my husband feels, except for the bailing him out this time part. I think he just doesn't want to give up his vacation money which is understandable but I don't think worth letting the boy go to jail. He says the only way he's going to figure things out is to be on his own and that he won't grow up until I can figure out how to turn off mommy-mode. It's just so hard.