It's been tough ever since my gram died last August 22. A few weeks after she passed away, my aunt died as well. My grams died from gallstones and my aunt discovered she had cancer after they extracted her gallblatter. In between the two deaths, my mother discoverd she has stones aswell. My mom allready has Lungemfasema (pardon the spelling) and had a tumour removed 2 years ago. Now she has to have an operation that for her is a uge risk to take. The anasthesia might be to much for her, she might be way to weak. And after the two that have allready died because of the same condition this scares the cr*p out of me. I'm so terrified of losing her... I couldn't deal with that. And especially not the same year that I lost my grams, who was like a 2nd mother to me.
Now less than a week ago my girlsfriend broke up with me. Wich hurt like Hell. Since she did I felt even worse, if possible.
For days I walked around only able to cry, scream and stuff. I couldn't even pretend I was ok, something I'm usually realy good at.
It wasn't just that, there were a lot of little things that if you put it all together... Well you get the point.

But sincce yesterday I think I'm back. I've been talking to one of my best friends and that helped. Funny enough I was realy angry at the girl that left me last week, but when my friend started attacking her (verbally to me offcourse) I started defending her. She's not the enemy here. I have been my own enemy.
I still miss my grams and my aunt, but it's ok now. I know I'm supposed to. But it's not ruling my life anymore. Breaking up is never easy, especially when you know for a fact that the other person is making a mistake, but it happens and I can't change it.
I think that was the whole thing, I wanted to change all of it. And when I discovered I couldn't I got upset. I wanted to make everything better, for me and for my family. But it's not for me to do that.

So now I can concentrate on the other things in my life. The things I can change and that I can do something with or for.
I've started singing again, something I hadn't done in months. I even recorded some of it on my laptop. It's terrible quality but it made me feel better doeing that. Today I'm gonna go see my mom. I have her laptop here and she needs it back.
I'm not there yet, but I'm getting there... It's a start.

(P.S.: Anyone know where I can put a WMA file online for others to hear it???)

Love,
Annie
Current Music: Walk On - Reba McEntire