"Little Child of the West Wind" Grasshopper
Fort Collins, Colorado
Joined: Feb 2010
|I throw my sandwich in the air sometimes! Sayin' "heeeyyo! Where's the maaayyo?!"!|
|I remember what a little spider once said...|
Chin up, chin up
Everybody loves a happy face!
Wear it, share it
It'll brighten up the darkest place!
Let a little sunshine in
You'll be on the right side
Looking at the bright side
Up with your chinny chin chin!!
I don't know what I ever did to this resident. She still doesn't want me to serve her. And another one who is usually cool to me told me to find her somebody who "Has a brain"
I'm so tired of being treated like I'm stupid. Not just at work, but all through school. These days I feel I may as well just give up, because somebody with mental problems obviously deserves to be put down to teach me my place. Yea you go, "smart people", teach me a lesson! How I just admire their "Cowboy up" attitude. I want to be just like them. I can just see them up on their thrones, everybody worshiping them.
Right, not everybody's going to develop "Alligator skin" like you. People like me will always be easily hurt by things.
And I'm tired of people talking down to me like I'm a three-year-old, and I f***ing hate it when strangers put their hand on my shoulder. Or call me "Sweetie" or "Cute" or "Adorable". Whenever somebody calls me cute, I seriously want to break their face!
Or when people move me. For example, a relative of a friend I was with one time actually yanked me out of the way to let other people by.
DO NOT touch me without asking first! I'm not a dog. And I sure as hell am not stupid!
|After living in the city area for the last 6 or so years, I really miss the small town ways in Wellington, where I remember having no stoplight until recently, next to the interstate. Where seeing a tractor on the main road was no big deal. |
Today I was unusually moody, but this song kind of brings back good feelings.
|For the last few days at the nursing home I serve at, the residents have been very nasty to me. I seriously give it my all at this job. But it never seems to be enough. |
Sometimes my memory is shot, and I can't remember even a drink order without writing it on the order slip, which I keep with me until I have the drinks filled, THEN I hand it to the cook. And that does take more time than it should. But how can people remember all that stuff? NO MATTER the method I try to get things done on time, I fail miserably, and I end up embaresing myself in front of my boss and coworkers. I don't think many of the other kitchen staff like me at all. Is it just me? Do I really have some sort of memory/learning issue that I don't know about?
And I overhear the residents talking about me to their buddies, RIGHT behind me as I leave. Saying "I can't believe she lasted this long, why is she still here?" and "She's slow. Look at her, she's retarded. Ma'am, can you bring somebody else to serve us?"
Some tell me what to do, as in DEMAND. Causing more delay to the other residents who still have not ordered.
It's like the constant bullying in school is coming back into my life, which I am trying very hard to get past.
I am very happy at Sams Club, I love my job as a people greeter. But being a server/waitress is stressing me out to the point of doing some serious harm to myself. If I had enough hours at Sams Club, I would quit the other job right then and there. (With a two-week notice of course. I'm not that much of a jerk. lol)
|The issue where I don't feel the least bit attractive, and as always I struggle with body image. I'm way overweight my bust resembles that on a 70 year-old, and I know that guys don't want to be with me for longer than a good week. I act like I don't care about guys, but really I just feel like I'm too gross to be in a relationship or whatever.|
It's been like that for so long that I just can't get myself to bond that way with anybody.
Sure it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I really don't care right now.
|I am proud to say...|
Here comes the sun, do da doo doo.
Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright!
|My last day off from work was on April 9th. I was supposed to have today off, but my boss asked me to cover a shift today. So my next day off is May 1st. Normally I wouldn't care, but I was so ready for having today off, I had plans...I'm just tired. |
|For me, it helps when I talk about things, or just say it.|
So let's start with the reason's why I am awesome.
1. My Italian meatloaf is THE best!
2. And so is my sesame pork.
3. I can snatch something out of somebody's hand before they can even blink.
4. I draw an awesome smiley face, according to the small kids who hand me their parents' receipt at the exit door at Sams Club.
5. After almost two years of janitorial work at a store, I can clean a bathroom like you wouldn't believe.
Reasons why I am crazy.
1. I sometimes get a warm tingly feeling when women in movies die a miserable death, especially if they are good looking. (Except for Amanda Seyfried in Red Riding Hood. She's cool with me. )
2. I think men's porn is freaking awesome. Not sure which is more awesome though. This, or the above.
3. I do talk to myself, repeatedly.
4. Ever since I was around 5, I've had dreams of desperately trying to kill myself in various ways. The thought of it always excites me like no other.
5. sometimes, When talking to somebody in person, I have to fight to not imagine them nude, or dead.
I will think of more later on, but it is nearly 3:00am, and work comes early.
But I still can't decide if I am a normal 21 year-old lady, or somebody who should stop skipping her therapy sessions.
|Woke me up at 2:45am, been up since. Gusts of over 50mph wind are actually shaking the floor and walls of my trailer. It's gonna be FUN driving to work this morning. I'm so looking forward to this. |
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