13. No more sunny breakfast nook, now the kitchen is a methamphetamine lab.

12. Your vacations are planned through AA instead of AAA.

11. Your mother and your pre-teen sister always fighting over the last beer.

10. In the middle of family reunion, FBI cuts power to ranch.

9. Bikers next door always complaining about the noise.

8. Local police save money by making your house a precinct substation.

7. Your new little sister is named after a famous serial killer.

6. Your son informs you he doesn't care to be your cellmate anymore.

5. You have to buy separate Mother's Day cards for each of Mom's personalities.

4. Family discussions usually begin with, "Put the gun down."

3. Instead of saying grace before dinner, father reads a passage from Penthouse Forum.

2. Thanksgiving Dinner consists of Wild Turkey instead of roast turkey.

and the Number 1 Indication Your Family May be Dysfunctional...

1. New bill to ban assault weapons specifically mentions your family.