I'm getting tired so easily, (almost falling asleep during lectures!) the tiniest little thing feels like the end of the world, I feel as though I have no time for anything, I feel slightly panicky, always on my guard, I'm getting sick and faint quite often and I have trouble letting things go. And this list feels like a short-list.

I'm having the most disturbed dreams too and I don't want to get into those. Half the time I just wake up with a vague sense of unease which makes me crazy enough anyway. I actually screamed out the window "How much water can the sky hold?" when it rained again yesterday. I take every small criticism pretty hard. I was left to mind the changing rooms whilst helping a customer try on shoes and I got a reminder from the deputy manager to take the box to the till so the customer doesn't just walk off with them and I didn't argue that N had just left me to take care of about 10 customers at once because I felt like crying. L keeps reminding me to be happy and talk to customers and I just feel like that's just beyond my scope of things.

I think part of it is the latest developments in this saga with my dad. My gran sent me a text message saying that she wasn't taking sides and to stay in touch. At first I was happy, just so relieved but now I keep questioning it. Like, why wait 3 weeks? If you weren't taking sides then why let me three weeks? Did you believe him at first and then just feel guilty about what he said? Did you talk to my Aunt Katherine and find out the truth? Or my mum's cousin? Or what? But why wait 3 weeks to let me know that you're still there?

Plus I keep imagining not seeing either of my two youngest sisters til I'm 26 and them having been told all these lies by my dad and I don't think I can take that. I try to block it out but it hangs there in my brain, this awful image of barely even recognising them. Chloe would be 19 and Meighan 16 and that hurts so much to think that. ANd then I get mad because I'm letting him get to me. I'm in the right here because a) if I'd done what he wanted we'd both go down for tax fraud and b) it turns out that he was trying to screw me over financially and if he has any conscience at all then he'd know that he was wrong.

It doesn't help that you can't get a student counselling appointment within 5 working days this time of year because of all the people with homesickness and SAD and I had to cancel the one they gave me because of work and I can't get another for weeks. Int he meantime I feel like I'm dancing on the spot, trying to keep up with work, stay sane and not look like I'm bothered. It's totally killing me.

Not to mention that my flatmates are being whiny little b****es again. S was muttering to himself about having to hoover the hallway which since I've done the chores for both of us the last few weeks is really only fair.

I'm so sorry

Sounds like total exhaustion; it happens to a lot of students.
Lay off the caffeine, it won't help if you're drinking a lot of it.

I feel like crying because I just saw a quiz entitled, "Who's Your Daddy?"

Don't know what advice to give other than eat ice cream, relax and get some rest. I hope things get better for you soon.