I am the Very Model of Environmental General

(Tune: Pirate's of Penzance - I am the very model of a modern major general - for melody see link [www.youtube.com]

I am the Very Model of Environmental General
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the inconvenient truth, I quote the guru Goracle,
From Gla-ci-ers to Oil Spills, in order categorical;

I’m no alarmist I just shout the Sun is burning humans out;
And floods will come to highest peaks since Global Warming’s all about
Because of floods, Earth’s evil people soon will all be dead of drought
Because of SUVs and greedy carbon criminals no doubt.

Greenhouse gasses make me mad they’re all from smelly chemicals
So, almost all is H2O? – why make this point empirical?
Our charts display our very earth’s warm periods historical
CO2 raised but not till warming starts – - - and that’s so paranormical.

I am the Very Model of Environmental General
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the inconvenient truth, I quote the guru Goracle,
From Gla-ci-ers to Oil Spills, in order categorical;

I’m expert at inventing stats for IPCC gab-a-longs
I’ve never questioned science cause its many points are never wrong
I worship people who talk Green no matter what degree they got
I’ll not confront a fact that questions planetary tommy-rot.

The medieval warming and Ice Age - they do not prove a thing
I have it on authority we can't list every damn tree ring
Objections overcome this way will always wipe out facts that bring
Suspicion green politicians aren't scientific climate kings.

I know this matter’s settled; there is never need for looking back
Of every inconsistency I’m all for losing every track,
When sceptics whine I say they’re just more loonies going on attack;
Since they’re outclassed in use of soot that Gore and David credit back,

Manhattan will be flooded from the melting giant Polar cap
But I can say no more until the great Suzuki prints more crap.
The Hockey stick will stick with me, no heed of many made up stats
If Polar bears still live --- I’ll base my case on rare Norwegian rats.

(c) posterdot 2009

With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan.