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zenlady
Über-Commander
151 points
42/NA/Winnipeg,
Join Date: Nov 2009 | Ï'm not going to go into all the "good" reasons I have to end my life, as I don't think their relevant. Survise to say I live a isolated life with a permanent disability, grown kids that ingnor me, and below the poverty line... Well, after reading a book on the subject I made a plan and carefully carried out my plan, ALMOST, I did OD on sleeping pills but that was not the intended fatal blow. When it came to the last part the part in me that has always fought and seen me through the worst kicked in and I changed my mind.
But, unfortunately the OD of zoplicone caused me to black out for a couple of days and I have no memory of my actions. I know I wrecked my car, among other very embarassing acts.
So, I am not only left with all the horible feelings that brought me to that point, but the very expensive consequses of my actions. (And yes I already realize I am very lucky I did not kill anyone else)
I FEEL LIKE THE WORST PERSON!! How can I begin to get on with a normal life? (and counselling is not avail where I live)
Any feedback would be apprecieated |  | | Edited: November 11, 2009 @ 03:32 |  |
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zenlady
Über-Commander
151 points
42/NA/Winnipeg,
Join Date: Nov 2009 | Allyson said:
Google a help site on line,thats the best place to be 
You have a car at 13????
Why do you think I am 13? I am 42 (I do not provide birthday info on profiles for security reasons) | | | |
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Allyson
Ogler
26438 points
Deleted
23/F/, Michigan
Join Date: Oct 2008 | zenlady said:
Why do you think I am 13? I am 42 (I do not provide birthday info on profiles for security reasons)
sorry,I just noticed the age and asked
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annski729
Giggity Goo+
126785 points
19/F/Washington, District of Columb
Join Date: Jun 2005 | zenlady said:
I am NOT suicidal. It's dealing with deciding to live that's got me confused and scared.
Glad to hear & sorry I misunderstood your post. | | | |
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ReadsALOT
.Outrageous
Über-Monkey
57432 points
54/F/Somewhere on Earth,
Join Date: Oct 2008 | zenlady said:
I am NOT suicidal. It's dealing with deciding to live that's got me confused and scared.
I'm confused,
You want to live, yes ?
There are hotlines everywhere, start there. If you want to just vent go ahead. Getting it all out of your system is a start. There are better places to get help. | | | |
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eternus_somnium
Random Letter
Monk+
30752 points
16/F/, United States (general)
Join Date: Jan 2008 | Find something you love to do and put all your heart into it. Deal with what happened and then leave it behind, don't get scared about living your life, just know that you're in it now and being scared really just makes it a lot less worthwhile than what it can be. | | | |
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ReadsALOT
.Outrageous
Über-Monkey
57432 points
54/F/Somewhere on Earth,
Join Date: Oct 2008 | zenlady said:
No prob, I guess that would be odd. It was nice of you to comment. Would you believe I am actually a counseller by trade. But I am also BiPolar.
It happens to everyone. 
If you're a counselor by trade, why is this unavailable? Do you know someone that's good or do you have anyone at all to trust? Just concerned, you're in a difficult dilemma. | | | |
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zenlady
Über-Commander
151 points
42/NA/Winnipeg,
Join Date: Nov 2009 | readsalot said:
I'm confused,
You want to live, yes ?
There are hotlines everywhere, start there. If you want to just vent go ahead. Getting it all out of your system is a start. There are better places to get help.
I know this sounds bad, but I have tried those hotlines a couple of times and they are not effective for me because of their obligations. If I tell them that yes I have been thinking of it seriously. Or if that I have tried it they have to send the police.
As for venting, I have but a couple of friends and I worry about becoming a "emotional sponge" or drag on them. | | | |
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zenlady
Über-Commander
151 points
42/NA/Winnipeg,
Join Date: Nov 2009 | readsalot said:
If you're a counselor by trade, why is this unavailable? Do you know someone that's good or do you have anyone at all to trust? Just concerned, you're in a difficult dilemma.
It's unavailable to me because the resources in my community are so small, everyone knows everyone. I would be risking my job. | | | |
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chisa96
Supreme Goddess
Monk+
35107 points
23/F/Out in Nature, Wisconsin
Join Date: Mar 2008 | zenlady said:
As for venting, I have but a couple of friends and I worry about becoming a "emotional sponge" or drag on them.
hun, you just basically tried to kill yourself... it's okay to drag on them just this once... | | | |
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zenlady
Über-Commander
151 points
42/NA/Winnipeg,
Join Date: Nov 2009 | eternus_somnium said:
Find something you love to do and put all your heart into it. Deal with what happened and then leave it behind, don't get scared about living your life, just know that you're in it now and being scared really just makes it a lot less worthwhile than what it can be.
I like this advice. I have not worked out in quite a while. I know that does not sound like much, but it made me feel good. | | | |
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Nov 11, 2009 @ 03:30:47
