How can husband and wife / partners reach the age when children can't be had without ever having them

@Conflict Said

At the age of 50+, most men and women have reached the point in their lives when they can no longer conceive children.

@Conflict Said

Some marriages break down because kids don't play a part in it.

@Conflict Said

How can living together without raising a family be done without the relationship falling apart?

@Jennifer1984 Said
... for those who have made a conscious decision not to raise a family, and have stuck by that, there is no reason why they shouldn't have a happy, fulfilling and meaningful life with each other.

@DiscordTiger Said

Not everyone wants or can have children. It's not the only purpose in an adult relationship.

@Jennifer1984 Said

Many women put off having children until the time feels right, and then find themselves in their 30s, wondering how fertile they still are. They know their most fertile years are in the 20s.

The number of women having babies after the age of 30 has risen in recent decades (I was just short of my 29th birthday when I had My little girl).

Fertility starts to decline for women from about the age of 30, dropping down more steeply from the age of 35. As women grow older the likelihood of getting pregnant falls while the likelihood of infertility rises.

Most women will be able to conceive naturally and give birth to a healthy baby if they get pregnant at 35 years old. After 35 years, the proportion of women who experience infertility, miscarriage or a problem with their baby increases. By the age of 40 around two in five of those who wish to have a baby will be able to do so.

The average age at which women have in vitro fertilisation (IVF) treatment in the UK is rising. This reflects the increase in infertility due to age. However, the success rates of IVF treatment for women over 40 using their own eggs are low, and have not increased much over the past decade.

From a purely biological perspective, it's best to try to start a family before the age of 35.

Men can remain fertile for much longer than women. Even though male fertility also declines with age, it tends to happen more gradually.

While many men remain fertile into their 50s and beyond, the proportion of men with sperm disorders increases with age.

Women over the age of 35 who do conceive have a higher chance of having a multiple pregnancy. The older a woman is, the more likely she is to conceive non-identical twins. Current biological thought on this is that an older woman's body has to produce more of the hormone that makes her ovulate. This is called Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH). Women's bodies produce more FSH because there are fewer viable eggs left in their ovaries.

Over-production of FSH can result in more than one follicle ripening and releasing an egg. The result? More than one egg fertilised and more than one baby.


OK, biology class is now out. The human factor takes over from here.



Women are smart. We know our bodies and are pretty much aware of what is going on with our girlyworks. We are capable of making conscious decisions about whether or not / when to have babies.

While it is true that attitudes, emotions or other considerations may bring about changes of mind over our fertile lives, the vast majority of women are aware that their biological clock is ticking. In the vast majority of cases, women make decisions with their eyes open.

Whether or not the decisions taken affect the strength of a relationship is a matter for the individuals concerned. Everybody is different. As Chaski quite rightly says above, relationships require patience, communication and honesty. I would add understanding, trust and consideration to those requirements.

But for those who have made a conscious decision not to raise a family, and have stuck by that, there is no reason why they shouldn't have a happy, fulfilling and meaningful life with each other.

@mrmhead Said

That would have been sufficient


But then, it wouldn't have been a Jennifer1984 post! We'd think someone hijacked your account and started posting brief statements!

@Conflict Said

A very informative reference that the rest of us should bear in mind. Thanks for taking the time to post this. I read it all and I thank you, Jennifer, for making the effort.

Now, to give an example, the professional wrestler, Randal Poffo, better known by his moniker known throughout the world of "Macho Man" Randy Savage and Elizabeth Huelette, were a couple that had no children and their relationship did not last.

For the record, they married in 1984 and divorced in 1992. In an open letter to WWF magazine, Poffo stated that it was no one's fault. They went eight years without children and seemed to be happy together.

So, in their case, would children have helped the marriage survive? Would they not have helped?

@DiscordTiger Said

Children can't fix a marriage.

In general kids are great, raising a family is important for many and there are a lot of positives. However, it's a lot of work and stress. Lack of sleep, frustration, worry -and that's assuming the kids are healthy. In general I'd hope the positive would outweigh the stress, but if the marriage is not strong enough to begin with, it is going to suffer.

In the end, whether or not a relationship makes it, is not about kids (or money or health or sex..etc) or any one factor, but how well the two people love and support each other. As well as similar goals. If one person really wants kids and the other does not, no matter whether they have kids or not, one person will be unhappy. That will take a toll on the relationship.

@Jennifer1984 Said

I agree your first paragraph wholeheartedly and the vast majority of everything else you say. However, re: my embolden. That comment reads as a definitive statement which, if that is how you mean it, is something I disagree with.

I had a very strong instinct to become a mother, my wife Amanda had never had any desire to bear children, but it was something we began to discuss after we met and then moved in together while we were still at university. We talked about it A LOT even after we got married.

I'll skip the lengthy process by which the event actually happened, but once Amanda got her head around it and we committed, she did so wholeheartedly.

When Megan was born her commitment was total. No doubts, no holding back, no regret.

The IVF process cost us a fortune, was lengthy and difficult, it's meant that Amanda is the sole income provider for us all (we both agreed that I would stop working and be a full time mum until Meg is at least in Junior School) and it's put a lot of restrictions on things we did when we were a childless couple. But if you ask if she has resented the baby in any way she would say no. Rather, she loves being "Mummy 'manda" to our little girl and is a wonderful parent. The non-biological aspect of her relationship to our daughter isn't any sort of impediment.

Had she really, REALLY objected to my desire to have a baby we would still have been together. Absolutely, 100%. I would not have left her over that. Sure, I would have had regrets but I wouldn't be the first lesbian in the world that has ever happened to.

Things could have gone badly after the baby was born and I have no idea how our relationship might have panned out if that had been the case. Did we take a risk..? Perhaps, but it was our risk to take and we knew that the responsibility for that would have been not mine, not hers, but ours. We make such decisions with our eyes open.

Everybody is different and there are no "absolutes". Feelings can change when another person is involved. It would be a pretty rigid world if nobody ever altered their view on anything.

After that, life takes over and that's the great unpredictable. In my case, I now have a wonderful wife, a beautiful child, a happy home and my life is blessed.

We must be doing something right.

@DiscordTiger Said

I meant it in the sense that resentment is toxic. And it festers.

Also in a spectrum if a person is at one end, dead set against having children and the other person has done nothing more than dream of being a parent, there is little middle ground. Not even saying a lot of couples even fall in that category.

If one is just unsure but open to it, it can be worked out and people can be happy.

Just not everyone is willing and able to be a parent. Forcing the issue, can lead to a bad outcome and resentment will set in.

I was thinking more of a forced situation of my way or the highway, rather than two adults working out their goals together.

@Conflict Said

A very informative reference that the rest of us should bear in mind. Thanks for taking the time to post this. I read it all and I thank you, Jennifer, for making the effort.

Now, to give an example, the professional wrestler, Randal Poffo, better known by his moniker known throughout the world of "Macho Man" Randy Savage and Elizabeth Huelette, were a couple that had no children and their relationship did not last.

For the record, they married in 1984 and divorced in 1992. In an open letter to WWF magazine, Poffo stated that it was no one's fault. They went eight years without children and seemed to be happy together.

So, in their case, would children have helped the marriage survive? Would they not have helped?