B & Q JOB
APPLICATION

This is an actual job application that a
75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells










They hired him because he was so
funny.....



NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy
Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I
am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will
cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief
Executive or Managing Director.



But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?


DESIRED
SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style
redundancy package.



If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle.


EDUCATION: Yes.



LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management
hostility.


PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than
I'm worth.


MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My
incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it
notes.


REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION: It was a
crap job.


HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.


PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30
p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.


DO YOU HAVE ANY
SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate
environment.


MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?


DO YOU HAVE ANY
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50
lbs.?:
Of what?


DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more
appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that
runs?'


HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest
Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.


DO YOU
SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!


WHAT
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits
and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced
bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.


NEAREST
RELATIVE?: 7 miles



DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE
TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes,
absolutely.


"If I had myself a flying giraffe,
You'd have one in a box with a window"

I live well near Tunbridge Wells!



"If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

Wow that's great! Maybe I should try that sometime and see how it works.



If you Love me like you say you do, Prove to me that your Love is True

haha that's great!!


Sophie is not a sedate cat; she will play with anything. Haha Thank yoooou Googlims!

I'd employ him


"If I had myself a flying giraffe,
You'd have one in a box with a window"

I might print that out and take it into Tunbridge Wells to see if it's true



"If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

ive seen a similar one for MacDonalds



The site where anything can happen, clicky to join in

I think I found my new resume.


The Truth, even if you don't like it, it's still the truth.

Can you hear me now? Through all that the world is screaming, my voice will reach you somehow.

thatd be an awesome resume to look at

Kudos Good one