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silver_lining
Monk
30679 points
21/F/stoke, United Kingdom
Join Date: Jul 2006 | B & Q JOB
APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that a
75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells
They hired him because he was so
funny.....
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy
Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I
am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will
cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief
Executive or Managing Director.
But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED
SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style
redundancy package.
If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management
hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than
I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My
incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it
notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION: It was a
crap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30
p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY
SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate
environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY
PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50
lbs.?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more
appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that
runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest
Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU
SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits
and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced
bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST
RELATIVE?: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE
TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes,
absolutely.
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May 12, 2008 @ 14:29:16
