The defective parrot

A guy is not getting along with his wife. He thinks maybe he'd
like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around
he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. He notices that it
doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud,

"Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot."

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually
understood what I said and answered me."

"I understood every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly
intelligent, thoroughly educated bird. "

"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto
your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but
since you asked I'll tell you. I wrap my little parrot willy
around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see
it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer, can't
you?"

"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion,
sports, physics, philosophy ... and I am especially good at
ornithology. You ought to buy me. I am a great companion."

The guy looks at the price tag. "£200!" he says. "I can't afford
that."

"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing.
"Nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can get me for
£20 -- just make an offer."

The guy offers £20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by.
The parrot is sensational. He's funny, he's interesting, he's a
great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, gives good
advice. The guy is delighted.

One day he comes home from work and the parrot says,

"pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up
close to the cage.

"I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot,
"but it's about your wife and the mailman..."

"What?" says the guy. "What?"

"Well," the parrot says, "when the postman came to the door today
your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the
mouth."

"What happened then?" asks the guy.

"Then the mailman came into the house and lifted up the nightgown
and began petting her all over," reports the parrot.

"Oh No!" the guy says, "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nightgown, got down on his knees and began
to lick her body, starting with her bosom and slowly going down
and down ..."

The parrot pauses for a long time.

"Then what... what happened next... WHAT HAPPENED?" says the
frantic guy.

"I don't know," says the Parrot, "that's when I fell off my
perch."