Hard worker

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
>> She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep
>> the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she
>> decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
>>
>>
>> Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other
>> a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else
>> applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would
>> be safer to have him around the house than the drunk
>>
>> He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every
>> day and knew a lot about ranching.
>>
>> For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing
>> very well.
>>
>> Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,
>> "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great.
>> You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired
>> hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
>>
>> One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
>> Two o'clock and no hired hand.
>>
>> Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering
>> the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the
>> fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She
>> quietly called him over to her..
>>
>> "Unbutton my blouse
>> and take it off," she said.
>>
>> Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
>>
>> He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my
>> socks."
>>
>> He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
>>
>> "Now take off my skirt."
>>
>> He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in
>> the fire light.
>>
>> "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did
>> as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
>>
>> Then she looked at him and said,
>>
>> "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
>>
>>
>> (I didn't see it coming, either)

A doctor addressing a large audience in Oxford...

Opening the floor for questions can be disastrous.

"The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High trans-fat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"


After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake"