I wrote this a few years ago and posted it as Mysteria. I'm not sure how many words there are.

EVAN BESIDE ME

I am 88 years old today. As I sit alone by the fire, I watch the snowstorm raging outside the window of my tiny cabin. My dear husband has gone to bed. Oh, what would I do without him? He stocks the cabin with plenty of wood and food before the winter weather sets in every year. We have been married for 70 years this month! I have been blessed with a wonderful life but there are things I have done that I must now put to rest.
I recently received unfortunate news that I have terminal cancer. My life will be over very soon and it is my wish to die with my conscience clear. My husband and I have three wonderful children, eight grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. Although I have asked God’s forgiveness for the terrible mistake I made many moons ago, I will now do what I know is right. My journal and pen lie waiting for the truth to be told. I hesitate only for a moment. I begin to write, my great burden lifting, slowly, from my shoulders…
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On my 16th birthday, I was allowed to drive the short distance to the Fosters’ house. My boyfriend insisted that he had a surprise for me and he could not come over this night. I had no siblings so the Foster twins, Evan and Eric, were like brothers to me. Of course, this all changed when Evan and I fell in love! Eric seemed rather jealous at times but he never admitted to it. My parents trusted the twins and allowed me to spend most of my free time with them. They were very happy for Evan to take me out! We had been chaperoned until this special night!
I was nervous when I arrived at the house. There were several cars in the driveway and I became very uneasy. I was expected home before 10:30 p.m. It was snowing heavily at this time but I did not worry about the weather at all. My concern was that I had only a few hours to be with Evan! The door flew open before I reached the front porch and there was Evan, grinning from ear to ear. He rushed me inside. Suddenly, the lights came on! “Surprise!” Everyone yelled in unison. I was so glad to see all my friends from school. Some of the guests were older but I recognized most of the faces. My first impression was that the party had been going on for a while before I arrived. Quite a few of the older boys were showing signs of intoxication!
Evan offered me a drink and I accepted, knowing that I would not “fit in” if I did not join the party! We laughed and drank and had so much fun for that short time before Eric announced that the liquor was all gone. Everyone “booed” and yelled at Eric, telling him he must go to the local bootlegger’s place, 8 miles away! He refused and received another round of “booing. After singing happy birthday, Evan proposed to me! He presented me with a beautiful engagement ring! I accepted, of course. I told him that we would be married after high school. Everyone cheered and I remember being so happy that night!
Finally, Evan and Gabriel, an older student, decided to go out for the liquor. I was asked to come along. Of course, my dad’s car was the only accessible vehicle so we decided to take it. The roads had frozen by this time but we were foolish teens without a care in the world! I remember Evan’s laughter. His brilliant smile and how much we loved each other. I have never forgotten the moment that the car went out of control, skidding, and the terrible crunch of metal as we collided, head-on into the tree. I have dreamt of the sweet face of Evan beside me for 72 years…
Gabriel and I survived with little injury. I believe that we lived because we were wearing our seat belts. The car hit the tree on Evan’s side. He did not make it out of the car alive. My only consolation was that he did not suffer. This accident was a terrible, preventable tragedy. Evan might still be alive if we had not decided to drive under the influence of alcohol!
Gabriel was charged with involuntary manslaughter and was sent away. We never heard from him again. Eric was devastated! He went into therapy shortly after the accident and continued seeing the doctor for many years. I suffered in silence. My loss was so great! Evan’s parents could not deal with the grief and later decided to move away. They both died young, only a few months apart.
No one ever knew the truth. Not even Eric. You see, it was I who drove the car on that awful, tragic night, not Gabriel! It was, in fact, his idea to take the blame for Evan’s death. Perhaps he knew that the guilt and the terrible loss of Evan would be too much for me to bear. I believe Gabriel was named appropriately, for he was the “guardian angel” that I needed that night. I have prayed for him many times over the years and I intend to find him before I die so that I can make my peace with him…
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My secret is written, finally, and I feel the tears roll slowly down my cheeks. When I think of Evan, his parents, and poor Gabriel, all the lives I ruined, I wonder if Eric would be able to forgive me if he knew…I can only hope that when I see Gabriel again that he, too, will forgive me.
“I have always known,” I drop my pen, startled. “And I’ve always loved you, just the same, Irene.”
As I turn to my husband, I notice that there are tears on his cheeks as well. “Oh, Eric!” I stand quickly, lose my balance, and Eric is there to hold me, as he was so many years ago…(to be continued)

FOR HOLLY---WRITTEN BY ANGELA D. A. aka Mysteria/Panda