Here is a story that I wrote a couple of years back when I was younger. I think it was probably my second one that I had written but
since then, I have written over more than ten stories so far. It's unfinished but I am thinking about re-writing it.(Note: This is not the beginning of the story). In the meanwhile this is the original version. Feel free to tell me what you think.




Millions upon millions of lost souls wailed and screamed in agony and pain as pillars of fire repeatedly consumed them until their
flesh literally fell from the bones. All that remained of them were
charred and burned skeletons with a small gray mist inside of their rib cages. These mists were the souls of the damned, representing the
filthy and horible sins in which they indulged when they were alive upon the earth.

"Oh God no hope!" yelled a man nearby in vain. Just to his right were four imps continuously taking shifts tormenting the man by jabbing him in the heart with a sword. They danced around him and chanted in a wicked glee."You don't belong here...you're not one of us...you dont belong here", whispered a faint feminine voice from behind. Angelica wheeled around finding a teenage girl about her age being scorched by flames and consumed by huge gross worms which repeatedly bit off chunks of her flesh. Her strawberry red hair was suddenly lit aflame.

"You are a missionary, I know you are", the girl groaned. "You aren't one of us.....we are forever lost and doomed to everlasting torment because of our sins. I am here because I used to serve the Evil One himself. I was a witch and a sorceress for most of my life and I even practiced black magic despite warnings from friends or true-hearted Christians. Now this is my reward for following the Wicked One". She paused, straining to talk in her pain.

"We will forever be bound and confined to this place of torment never to be free again", the girl continued. "But no, not you. You have a chance, you have a calling upon your life. You have that chance to serve God and to do His will. That is why you are not being tormented this moment. Don't give in to the Evil One just as we did.....for your soul's sake whatever you do don't give in!" she concluded before her entire body was set aflame and engulfed by an invisible force.

Horrified, Angelica cringed and coverec her face with her hands. At that moment a blood-red door opened in the distance, highlighted against the pitch black darkness. In the doorway stood a tall, masculine and ominous figure. It was then that Angelica percieved that this was none other than Lord Hades himself who had with no doubt came with vengence.

He slowly advanced towards her but she firmly stood her ground. "Angelica my dearest, it looks as though you are comfortable with your new home, said Hades sarcastically. "Home sweet home", he jeered. Wh-what do you want?", asked Angelica furiously. "No need to be frightened my dear. Now come along and follow me...come see the precious award that awaits you", he smiled. With that, he escorted he through the door and out of the feiry pits of the Dark Kingdom.

"Angelica, we need to talk", said Hades in a suave, sophisticated manner. They walked down the long misty corridor and came to an abrupt stop at huge black door. "We have arrived" he said retrieving a key out of the pocket of his long black trench coat and unlocking the door. When Angelica looked up, she discovered that the room number was 666 in bold print. "The Mark of the Beast!", she gasped in horror and dismay.


To be continued...


All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.

All that remained of them were
charred and burned skeletons with a small gray mist inside of their rib cages. These mists were the souls of the damned, representing the
filthy and horible sins in which they indulged when they were alive upon the earth.

Angelica wheeled around finding a teenage girl about her age being scorched by flames and consumed by huge gross worms which repeatedly bit off chunks of her flesh.

quote]

1st para... excellent imagery... the description of the girl needs work tho... particularily the worms... huge and gross doesnt say too much... also... we need a vivid picture of satan approaching... u didnt really describe him... just told us who he was...


living life for its random experiences and their consequences

Thanks for the advice I am re-writing the story as of now because I was younger when I wrote this. The next post will be in much more description and detail. And as for Lord Hades, I am currently changing his identity.(The original Hades was pale with white hair, purple eyes and a scarlet trenchcoat ) But he will be much more sinister this time though.


All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.

cool cool... i like the concept that youve got going there... it has real potential so i wish you luck with it... be happy to read whatever else you come up with for it... i just started up again with something i wrote when i was younger... no real responses to it tho... but its in the works neway... the really slow works, but the works nonetheless... best of luck with ur endeavor...


living life for its random experiences and their consequences

Now here's for part two. I have come a long way in writing stories. Sometimes I look back and laugh at how I wrote them when I was younger. Recently I have just finished up the improvements with the middle segment, and although I have not started on improving this segment yet, I decided that I would post the original version anyway. Once again, feel free to tell me what you think.


(After discovering the mark of the Beast on the door)

"Ladies first", said Lord Hades opening the door and giving a curt nod in a gentlemen-like manner. As she made her way through, he quietly shut the door behind her. Upon entrance, Angelica was met with unbelievable and almost sureal awe as she stood in the midst of this celestial room trimmed with gold and imbedded with multitudes of the finest of rubies, emeralds and other unknown precious gems. Words simply could not describe the beauty of this magnificant room. Cups of crystal and silver were neatly arranged on a table of pure gold, while napkins of the finest linen were placed around a bronze fruit bowl.

"Oh my God", gasped Angelica in awe. "Yes it is beautiful isn't it?", boasted Hades. On the ceiling were chandeliers of luxurious diamonds and curtains of amethyst reflected hues of rich purple throughout the room. This was truly a place of magic, awe and wonder. "Do you see all of this Angelica? This could all be yours you know", he said plucking a cherry from the fruit bowl and steadily advancing towards her way.

Angelica was standing in front of the window admiring the topaz and opal ornaments which laced the amethyst curtains. She suddenly turned around when she caught the last of what Hades said. "All of this mine? What do you mean?" she asked in bewilderment. Hades gulped down the cherry and softly placed both of his hands upon her shoulders. By now his look had grown strict and serious.

"Angelica, because you were a servant of that miserable God of yours I wanted to destroy you and condemn you to the Dark Kingdom for ever lasting torment just for my pleasure in the begining, but now I see.....I see something wonderful about you that you yourself have failed to notice", informed Hades in a suave and thoughtful manner. "Hunh? What are you saying?", Angelica asked in puzzlement. "Within you there is great power...a power beyond comprehension. You Angelica, hold the key to the destiny of the world. A powerful fighter you are whether you recognize it or not, and it is for this reason that I would like to recruit you as my own.

"A powerful warrior would you be my sweet goddess, yes a lovely sorceress indeed", he smiled smoothly rubbing her shoulders. Immediately following his word came confusion. Afterall, here was an entity which basically hated her guts and placed her through various forms of torments, horrors and tests during the previous two weeks because she was a missionary of God. Now this same force was standing beside her, caressing her almost as if she were his lover. On the night before, he constantly mocked and jeered at her calling her a weakling, but now he was suddenly calling her a person with stong and unbelievable powers. What did this mean? Angelica could not make any sense of the ordeal.

Meanwhile, Hades guided her closer to the window and with a wave of his hand lo and behold, a giant television screen appeared before her very eyes. Images and photos of the world's riches stars and socialite figures of this day flashed on the screen before them along with expensive cars, yatchs, jets and homes. Suddenly, a giant image of Angelica herself appeared on the television and people from all over the world made towards her and began to kneel down before her. Her garment then tranformed into a long, scarlet robe flowing with grace in the winds. Hades himself appeared beside her garbed in a masculine black robe with red on the inside. Everone became totally silent as he had begun to speak. "Unto all the earth for every human to witness, I now present to you my bride", announced Lord Hades boastfully. "I have given her insurpassable powers, therfore you must submit to her in my favor. She is my queen and I her king, and because of the power granted to her by me Lord Hades, it is a command that you all worship my name instead of God's because truly, I am a master of awe and might", he concluded.

"All hail the queen of the Dark Lord, who is his bride to be and who was chosen over all mankind to rule the earth in Eternal Iniquity with him forever", rang the crowd in a harmonous chorus. "What? No!", exclaimed Angelica in denial. "You need not fear my precious", Hades reassured. "Do you see all of this? Look at how those people are admiring your beauty. I mean, you've got the whole package. Think Angelica, about how much honor and power you will have", he smoothly hissed.




To be continued...


All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.