I've asked Jesus Christ repeatedly why is it that only the large and disgustingly fat women are attracted to me. Even my best friends have heard the rumors/leaks and have resorted to calling me "The Fat Magnet". Several run-ins with these behemoths at popular bars left them rolling on the floors in laughter and shaking their heads.

I adore women... I really do. But the gargantuan women of the world have got to get a grip or a clue, because I am way passed the days and nights of layin' the wood to lonely, overweight pork bellies.

I recently celebrated a birthday, and one of the many portly women that my older brother works with has decided that I need a more mature woman in my life. This woman, who is a very nice lady, is plagued with a body type that is absolutely atrocious. She is the type of THING that guys wake up next to after getting plastered the previous night.

I've told this lady numerous times that I have priorities and an image to uphold, but the broad is clearly fixated on me. I don't have time for this bullcrap! She knows damn well that she's way out of her league, but that hasn't stopped her from making wild, off the wall comments and foisting her monstrous a** into my life.

My brother is of no help at all. He's just sitting back and enjoying the ride! There are millions of men out there in the world who'd jump at the opportunity to treat a fat woman like a princess! I keep praying that she finds one of those poor bastards, so that she will leave me the hell alone.

I don't mean to sound cruel, but Hillary Clinton is to blame for this. She's pulled the wool over your eyes. Her empowering speeches may have given you confidence, but I don't want what you're selling. Especialy if you're running around looking like a hippopotamus!







I keep wondering if God is punishing me for my narcissism by dmping these fat chicks in my lap. The nerve of these rhinos embarrassing me in front of my golfing buddies by showering me with their ill-advised lewdness.

you are shamless

and what do you look like?