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matchstickman On March 04, 2020




, United Kingdom
#886New Post! Sep 08, 2017 @ 15:16:51
good Irish text

"Mary, I'm just having on more pint with the lads. if I'm not home in twenty minute's, read this message again."
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#887New Post! Sep 10, 2017 @ 02:49:04
I've tell you about my family dog, dolly, she was a genius. she was an inventor.

one evening, after we ate fried chicken for dinner, dolly took the bones that we put on a plate after we ate fried chicken. dolly grabbed the plate of bones ahead down to the basement.

a couple of hours, we haven't seen dolly, she never came up from the basement.

my family and I was concern, we head down to the basement.

with our amazement, there was dolly sitting beside of the plate. on the plate, there was a skeleton of a really bony chicken.
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#888New Post! Sep 20, 2017 @ 12:33:01
in old west, the indians capture a man and tried to a tree, and this man had hiccups.

the Indians was going to eat the man, despite his hiccups. the Indians was getting the fire going and the big pot was boiling for the man.

the man couldn't stop sneezing, and the nearest indian by him that working on the fire. the man ask the indian, " I haven't been able rid these hiccups, can you scare me? "
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#889New Post! Oct 07, 2017 @ 11:44:12
do when you know an elephant in your refrigerator?

when he leaves his footprints on your cheesecake.
mrmhead On March 27, 2024




NE, Ohio
#890New Post! Oct 07, 2017 @ 11:52:20
@twilitezone911 Said

do when you know an elephant in your refrigerator?

when he leaves his footprints on your cheesecake.



When I was a kid I had a book "101 Elephant Jokes"

How do you make an elephant float?

2 scoops of ice cream, 1 elephant and a very large glass.
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#891New Post! Oct 07, 2017 @ 12:13:31
@mrmhead Said

When I was a kid I had a book "101 Elephant Jokes"

How do you make an elephant float?

2 scoops of ice cream, 1 elephant and a very large glass.



when I was a teenager, I was taught some " dead baby " jokes ?

how you make a dead baby float?

2 scoop of ice cream, 1 dead baby, half bottle of root beer in a mixer. turn that suck on?

not only you make a dead baby float , you make a great dead baby root beer float.


what you need get to when you have 101 dead babies together?

you need a big trash despoiler truck, with two trunk drivers with shovels ,and they are drinking dead baby root beer floats.
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#892New Post! Oct 09, 2017 @ 03:28:18
what is best way for a man to get a woman fall for him?

a left hook
shadowen On March 22, 2024




Bunyip Bend, Australia
#893New Post! Oct 15, 2017 @ 15:31:31
Two sheilas had hit the local for a Girls Night Out and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Maggoted and walking home they suddenly realized that they both needed to relieve themselves. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone. The first sheila had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them, and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers. After a quick dekko she was lucky enough to spy a large ribbon on a nearby wreath. She grabbed it and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first sheila's husband phones the other husband and says, "Mate, these bloody girls nights out have got to stop. My missus came home last night without her panties."

"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her arse that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'"
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#894New Post! Oct 15, 2017 @ 16:27:28
@shadowen Said

Two sheilas had hit the local for a Girls Night Out and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Maggoted and walking home they suddenly realized that they both needed to relieve themselves. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone. The first sheila had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them, and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers. After a quick dekko she was lucky enough to spy a large ribbon on a nearby wreath. She grabbed it and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first sheila's husband phones the other husband and says, "Mate, these bloody girls nights out have got to stop. My missus came home last night without her panties."

"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her arse that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'"



i heard almost the similar joke about a guy walk in a doctor's office, complaining about he had something stuck up in his butt.

the doctor look up his butt, and found a rose with a card with it in there.

the doctor was amaze by this, and said, " do you know have a rose in your ass. "

the guy said to the doctor, " did you read the card? "
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#895New Post! Oct 18, 2017 @ 19:29:28
what is this oldest body that floats around the sun?


William shatner
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#896New Post! Nov 08, 2017 @ 01:37:03
why the shoe saleman buy a computer?

because he married to an idiot.
mrmhead On March 27, 2024




NE, Ohio
#897New Post! Nov 10, 2017 @ 00:41:41
What's worse than finding a worm in an apple you are eating?
...


1/2 of a worm
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#898New Post! Nov 10, 2017 @ 00:54:25
@mrmhead Said

What's worse than finding a worm in an apple you are eating?
...


1/2 of a worm



I know what worst than finding a worm in an apple, the worm look better than your wife.
chaski On March 28, 2024
Stalker





Tree at Floydgirrl's Window,
#899New Post! Nov 10, 2017 @ 02:15:03
So... Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus were...

Oh, wait, that one is not PC... my bad...
matchstickman On March 04, 2020




, United Kingdom
#900New Post! Dec 01, 2017 @ 20:08:25
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. And you should have heard him play the piano! He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with. And he could fix anything. Not like me -I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well... I never actually met Frank. You see, several years ago Frank died, and I married his wife."
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