Mental isolation

'subjugated' thanks for the more accurate term.

Once the situation is understood
we stop faulting ourselves
we know there are artificial means in the works to fail us, no matter how hard we try, in certain instances & for unknown reasons.

Some say that the damning of our hard worked crops are for our benefit in foresight - a foresight we're not always readily aware of.

Others say it is a device to starve those who would pose threat to a meticulously woven system that otherwise rewards the selfish.

I've seen evidence of both and suspect that there are more than just one batch of cooks in the kitchen; funny how some humans can understand so much yet still not understand the simple basic wisdom of consideration.

I would love the ability to isolate myself from time to time, but it isn't really something practical or possible for me as a father and husband. I love my family and I am happy when I am with them. That being said, when I think of what brings me the most peace, it's solitude.

If I close my eyes and try to imagine the ideal situation for me to be in, it invariably and instantly leads me to imagining myself totally alone in some distant wilderness shut off from the rest of the world. The closest I ever felt to being at total peace with my perceived singularity in the world was one night on the Sonoran desert twenty years ago, miles from anything manmade and completely alone. Just because I could, I screamed as loud as I was capable of screaming and it was amazing to know that no one could hear me. I was totally free.

I suspect that after some time I would begin to miss other people. I love humans. I really do, and I love trying to understand them, but I believe that understanding myself is something of a private endeavor practiced in solitude for the most part (I do learn about myself in how I interact, but it's a fraction of the whole).

Here's the rub:

Often when I can't sleep, I try to imagine myself in a post apocalyptic world. What I would do if I just woke up one day and everyone was gone. I think of how I'd survive, both psychologically and physically. The question always arises: if I was the last human alive, what would be the point? What meaning is there in being alive if I am completely without the company of others, even distant others? Does the fact that we do not live alone in the world give life more meaning to most of us?