miscellaneous jokes

my sister moved to a new house a couple of months ago.

she heard about this vegetarian moving company, and she try them out on the moving day.

she had fired them after an hour, because they were too tired to lift anything.

you know how to play " 21 " in las vegas?

when the hotel detective burst in your room, and you said to him, " she told me, she was 21! "

all these weeks, my cousin, ted could afford a new tv, so he watch his favorite quiz games.

ted is a really a whiz kid with knowledge everything.

ted finally got his tv set, now he watched his quiz shows.

he actually won 100 dollars on a quiz show, now, he could afford a telephone to call the quiz show to win 100 dollars.

what do you call an American destroyer?

a 400 pound bell dancer

you know that pinocchio had a rough time, in school. he wasn't that bright as a boy, he had bullies always tease him how dumb, he was.

you always heard them said to pinocchio.

hey dummy, where do you come from? a lumberyard!

A pretzel walking down the street got assalted

What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Megasoreass

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Eatalottapuss

What so you call a blind dinosaur?
Dooyathinkeesaurus

What do you call a blind dinosaurs dog?
Dooyathinkeesaurus Rex

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the referee was blowing fowls.

you know the real reason, why the question " who bury in grant's tomb " came up over the years?

today, mrs. grant still looking for ulysses. " he is a good hider! ", according to her in this week, " national enquirer ".

two ladies are laying down in lounge chairs around a swimming pool, watching a little boy swimming in shallow part of the pool.

the two ladies is the aunt and the mother of the little boy.

the little boy said to his aunt judy, " come in the pool and play with me, aunt judy! " the lady, who is aunt judy, said to him, " I don't like the shallow part of the pool, and I don't want play with you now. "

the little boy is confuse, what his aunt judy just said, and then he said to her, " my mommie said that you like this part of the pool, because you are so shallow! "

Creditors have better memories then debtors!

While in front of an delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten, lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. He sauntered into the store and offered two dollars for the cat.
Proprietor: It's not for sale.
Collector: Look, that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I am an eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to five dollars.
Proprietor: It's a deal (the he pocketed thee five spot)
Collector: For that sum I'm sure you would not mind throwing in the saucer.
The kitten seems so happy drinking from it.
Proprietor: Nothing doing! That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer alone, I've sold thirty-four cats!