miscellaneous jokes

what you call a german shepherd mix with a giraffe ?


a german shepherd that works security on 8th floor.

a man goes a pyschiatrist 's office.

the man said the doctor, " i fell like a man trapped in a woman's body. "

the said to the man, " go home, turn off your light in your bedroom. make it complete dark. so she can escape. "

my friend took his parrot everywhere. one day, he took his parrot to the bowling alley.

the bowling alley won't let his parrot come in the building. due " no animals allow " in the building. my friend left the parrot in his car for hours without the car's windows down. he came out his parrot is died.

for next two weeks, his car smell like kfc fried chicken.

my friend took his parrot everywhere. one day, he took his parrot to the bowling alley.

the bowling alley won't let his parrot come in the building. due " no animals allow " in the building. my friend left the parrot in his car for hours without the car's windows down. he came out his parrot is died.

for next two weeks, his car smell like kfc fried chicken.


tell this more funny version of this joke. i add a the word " the parrot ". the parrot was in the original version.



my friend took his bird everywhere. one day, he took his bird to the bowling alley.

the bowling alley won't let his bird come in the building. due " no animals allow " in the building. my friend left the parrot in his car for hours without the car's windows down. he came out his bird is died.

for next two weeks, his car smell like kfc fried chicken.

i could make the bird or the parrot joke, worst for fun of it.

the bird or the parrot was made in japan.

Husband: Oh, come on.
Wife: Leave me alone!
Husband: It won't take long.
Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Husband: I can't sleep without it.
Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?
Husband: Because I'm hot.
Wife: You get hot at the darnedest times.
Husband: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Wife: If you love me you'd be more considerate.
Husband: You don't love me anymore.
Wife: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Husband: Please ... come on.
Wife: All right, I'll do it.
Husband: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?
Wife: I can't find it.
Husband: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Wife: There! Are you satisfied?
Husband: Oh, yes.
Wife: Is it up far enough?
Husband: Oh, that's good.
Wife: Now go to sleep, and from now on when you want the window open,
do it yourself.

once i had a girlfriend was soo dumb.

how dumb was she, twilite?

she was soo dumb need to use a recipe book to find a recipe to learn how to boil water.

i read this sad news from yahoo just now.

the man invented " the boomrang grenade " - DIED today.

i almost married a refrigerator years ago. she really love me. she really had a shine, especially when she open her door in front of me. i put a spotlight inside for her love me to shine on me.

sshh, shame, and boom

what the sounds of a sheep exploding?

a american tourist walks in a bar in jamerica.

the tourist see the bartender behind the bar. the bartender had orange hair and a big black crow on his right shoulder.

the tourist shock, he is know him. he get excite, and think this last place, anybody would expect him to here.

the tourist walks closer to the bar. he think, it's him. really donald trump!

the bartender can see he was discover, and donald grab the tourist's hand and shake his hand.

donald said to him, to calm down the tourist. because the tourist is shaking donald hand and donald said. " yes, son, i 'm donald trump, what's your poison? "

the tourist really nervous and said, " be ee er, please! "

donald hand him a beer. the tourist shaking the glass with his nervous hand, and try drink the beer. donald is just smiling to him, to the tourist was staring to calm him down little.

the tourist was thinking. i have said something to him.

the tourist said, " omg, you're here , you are him. you were born innnn, i mean, where did you came from ??? "

before donald could say anything. the big black crow on donald's right shoulder. the crow look up and down from neck to toes of donald. the crow look straight at donald's eyes. the crow turn back and looking into donald's eyes.

then the crow look at the tourist and said.

" africa! "

i recently read that my sex life will increase after 60 years. i'll be 60 next year.

my wife of 25 probably want to know about it.

but, i'll better call my insurance man, first to buy my third life insurance on her.

frankly, my wife hasn't been looking lately. i want her to last till next year.

a old man walk in to a church one day to pray to god.

nobody in the church, when he was there. he start praying to god, and he said, " i need to win the lottery. let win, god! the money is not for me.

is for a little boy that has a peg leg. the money for his operation to fix his leg so he will have a small limp, when he walk.

i also need to win the lottery for a family that their house just burned last night. they need my help.

please, me god, for to these people in need. please let me win the lotto."

the old man got up and he left the church. then a week later, the old man come back to the church. nobody in the church with him. so, he sit down and pray.

all sudden, a voice come out of the blue and to the old man. it said, " no, sir, i did hear your prayers last week, but i am not the reason , you didn't win the lotto last week! "

the old man look around the church, and the old man seen there is nobody in the church. who is this voice , he just heard?

then the voice said the old man, " i am god, sir! " the old man said to god, " why did you didn't let win lotto, and i could help those people, i mentioned last week. tell me why. "

then god to him, " sir, i could have let you win the lottery to help you with people, you want. but i can't help, i am not allow to. you must be the one to do help those people. you do something first. "

the old man said to god, " but god, what part could do that you can do. that god almighty can't do? "

god said to the old man, " sir, what you can do that i can't do. is buy a lottery ticket! "

i hate eating ice cream.

you get sick put cows in your freezer. i have a regular size refrigerator. it give you a small size freezer.

with a cow in a freezer take so much room, where my other food need to freezer. why groceries stores can't sell cow parts. i stick cow's legs in the freezer have popicles. the cow's body is too big for my freezer. you cut up pieces of cow that take too long.

do you hate ice cream, do you hate put cows in your freezer, just have ice cream?