the onion website

when watching tv and you see those fast foot commercials for macdonalds, burger king, and so-called fast food restaurants throughout usa. most of time on the right of the photo above, we usually seek a preeky ( i don't mean watching her boobs on tv. " they are called boobs, ed! " ) these so-called fast food commercials has college students, who win a soda at mcdonald. they just jump up and down and win a soda or a hamburger, like a big deal to audience. give the winner just v-8 than soda better for them. burger king has little kids eat those charocoal hamburgers. you know what that mean the cooks at burger king doesn't use a timer, they burn those raw hamburgers to death. when last time on a burger king commercial, you saw actually that plastic burger king eat one of the burn hamburger. i rumored over years the internet, that the plastic burger king and ronald mcdonald been secretly married for 20 years.

the left side of the photo that this article is about if you look at both photos above. the young woman eat the whopper from the burger king, she just properly show how eat her whopper. ( i have whopper she see can. ) i would prefer that she cut the whopper in half life a proper young lady should. she handle the whopper with both hands right. ( two handle or better than one. ) that what you see in the commercial not that pig on the left side of the photo. that real customer who is go to fast food restaurant like burger king and mcdonalds. any person at ages, if you lucky they find their mouths with hamburgers. the real customers are just slobs, right, they use napkins. do you think know what is napkin is? do think the real customers know how to eat over their plates. you see how degrade this to real customers, why are tv commercials,shows these oik, oik people on the air? i think they are prejudice to arnold ziefield customers ( pigs) than show these people, normal people who eat properly at restaurants. these commercials so one side like go to a chinese restaurant look forward drink tab water out of a dirty drinking glass. here is article below, you can make own decisions.


Fast Food Customers Less Appealing Than In Commercial

a single man, i am. like most male members on the forum, that still has a pulse. the male members that has wives, better luck next time. if your wives let you! as you see above, this photo, that woman wish she was dead. single men like our boy, cory watts. you see cory is attempt to pick up this woman is trying watching one of our preseident ohamba or what every president this week is doing the state of address. this lady in the bar has folded her arms and not making eye contact, even this, cory still he has a shot with lady. women on this forum, you know this experience, no escape. you have to married them, all good-looking men has left with your best friends. who are married, they just don't care, they don't remember your friend's names in the morning. you get stuck with dorks, with pimples left in the bar. are still virgins, because women are at this bar, are desperate, but not suicidally. every time, i go to the bar, these women are already left.

this article is will show cory is breaking down the lady's defense, and you see the crowd of the bar root for them. now, the lady is starting to leave now, this last attempt for cory to strike rich. now, read now. good luck, cory may the force be with you.

Courageous Man Overcomes Woman’s Body Language To Continue Hitting On Her

most women members probably use wedding planner for the divorce. i mean their wedding day. women, i haven't seen your husbands. i just joking, you did your best you can, and the other one was a gay. speaking of wedding planners, i have story about one. Maureen Crompton - a local wedding planner working with her client Ali Peterson. ali had an usually problem for maureen, ali's problem is consider replacing the unsightly groom she had chosen. ali is referring to her future husband as ' the unsightly groom ', we have a winner! the article below, ali saying, “Now, I know you have your heart set on this one, but I feel like it clashes with everything else.” so ladies of the forum - does your husbands clash with everything in your home? do your husbands goes with everything about you? ali doesn't want this, she want trade-in for another model. right now, ladies - who want to trade? settle down ladies - one at a time. maureen is trying helping ali to make work. trying to ali go not find another man, maureen convinced the unsightly groom is best for ali. i would tell more about the conclusion of the article, but i just found out i am the best man for the unsightly groom. this a big deal for me. wish me luck!


Wedding Planner Suggests Replacing Unsightly Groom

you think that in the capital, senators in congress devote to believe in bill that want pass to stand and wait. you think each senators are like jimmy stewart in ' mr. deed goes to washington '. no, are, here is a senator is not like jimmy. Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT) is still lying patiently at the spot where S. 2685, the USA Freedom Act, died in the Senate chamber several weeks ago. when they are said senator leahy is literally lying down a rug like a dog normally sleep and curl up like a ball. our old boy is waiting patiently every day, hoping for his bill to come for another vote. all senators has to see pat laid down from the congress door, some near sight senators fall over pat and get up and wall in. everyday, at least 20 senators, sometimes more close 30 republic senators like step on pat, just because he is democrat. let us hope pat's bill will come soon, this month beginning of golf season. a lot of senators, when they goes in the congress, they wear their golf shoes. here is article this brave senator patiently wait for the bill to come.

Loyal Senator Still Lying Patiently In Spot Where Beloved Bill Died

this week in venture, california, ' sunshine bugers ' company lauching through chain drive -thru restaurants through out california. a novelty idea that complete different than any other fast food restaurants throughout usa. this novelty restaurant chain, you will amaze. how many drive-thru restaurants you know, that has a hanging cow carcass.( you thought i was going said that the chain was hanging the same kind of horse, that mr. ed was. )

literally, you drive to where the drive-thru window, you bring your own clever from home. ( you dig up june clever and put her in the back seat of your car. why have go to this drive-thru then. ) you cut off what part of the cow, you want. you have to cook yourself. you paid your money in a bucket in front of the drive-thru window. if you want to get a free drink while you wait. you get out of your car,and on the side of building. in the hose that is on the ground, you drink out. this hose continuously flowing corn syrup. hmm good! ( i rather make pancakes and waffles in the morning, and have breakfast at the restaurant. )

here is below is the article. i think it will be interest if this chain can pull out of intense. i mean pull of balls, i don't mean that. there is other features that you might want to try out this restaurant. moo down to get your helping, you'll folkies!

fast food drive -thu cow carcass - throw money in bucket

the baseball team called the Philadelphia Phillies has a novelty idea for their fans that stared at the beginning of this month. the phillies at their concession stands for 12 bucks selling plastic baseball helmets with their phillies favorite player's name and numbers to barf into. wow! you don't have to leave your seat to get the restroom, just barf into the helmet. when you buy your 8 ounces plastic cup with your beer in it. you should buy second plastic cup, or finish your beer and put the empty cup inside your helmet. during you should have the helmet between your legs so that your barf will not get all over your legs or shoes. you barf in the cup not spill over, you don't want to be a pig. it that your target, not your wife, who sitting next to you is barfing into her helmet as well. i won't recommend you to wear your helmet home with you. the great news for you and your wife, these helmets can be wash in your dishwasher, and you and your wife wear to the next game. this idea is not bad idea. is better than bullwinkle helmet that has two beer cans and a small hose side that sucks the beer out of the two cans of your head. you don't want stupid going to the game, do you?

here is the article below, in this interesting idea that spread to all hometown baseball games in the usa .


Phillies Concession Stand Offering Plastic Helmets For Fans To Vomit In

ladies- i know the news is something you wait for a long time for some company to come up with make-up to enchancement your intensive digestive system for your man. don't want your man, see the beauty that within you literally. you don't need a x-ray picture show him. maybelline has an injection, that you can shown your organs off in bed, or in a binkie on the beach. maybelline is offing women can finally have the type of flawless, gorgeous-looking digestive and cardiopulmonary systems they’ve always wanted. woman - how this works - they use 10cc syringe into you. their formula which currently include a “bold and flirty” line of lung shadow; blood vessel mascara for thicker, longer capillaries; and spleen foundation to cover unsightly blemishes and provide a smooth, even look to the lymphoid organ.

this result of this new formula - Our selection of over 300 shades of heartstick ensures that women will be able to find the perfect color and level of shimmer to enhance their atria and ventricles for nearly any occasion. And the youthful definition that comes from a quick thoracic injection of pancreas rouge is certain to provide women a boost of confidence before they step out the door each morning.

women - you can get plastic surgery on your face - we all know who really need it. if you don't if you need a face-lift. just look in the mirror, and your cheeks are reaching your boobs, you might think of having a face-lift. this post is saying to you, women,you will always have a beauty within you. flaunt off those organs, woman! here is the article below tell everything, i want see your organs, baby now!









Maybelline Introduces Line Of Injectable Makeup To Enhance Appearance Of Internal Organs

here is a interesting human story, the story unfolded in atlantic beach, California. over years, you have heard if a whale or dolphin that washed up the beach. a group of rescuers will help the animal back to the water. marie Thomas, 41 and her friend was walking on beach, they found something to rescue to send back the sea. it broke my heart, it didn't break my heart, I got move by this. I hope you, too. these ladies found a large bag of trash, it look need some help. the ladies want it to go back in the sea, we know what they mean, don't you? for god's sake, it's hety bag. these ladies pick up gently the bag from the beach, and walking it to the water and put the bag into the water. marie described the moment:

“It was nerve-racking during those first few moments after we set it back in the ocean, but eventually it dipped beneath the surface and floated back out to sea. It felt good to get the garbage back out there with its own kind. Thank God we stumbled upon it when we did.”

I thought that inspiring to share with us. marie believe that more people come to beach. the people leave their oceanic garbage on the beach, are encourage to put their garbage near the water. so the waves can pick up and swept into the ocean. often, do you this heard on the news, you never heard that trash ate off a swimmer's leg. marie want to tell everyone, it is safe to swim to water. but marie want make sure to tell one to beware if you adventure and when you swim in the ocean. if you see a trash bag come toward and said hello to it, be friendly to it. if you see a tail stick out of the water, no trash bag near you, come toward you. dumbass! it is a shark, trash bags can't kill sharks!! duh!! to end this story, remember when you take your trash out, said goodbye to a friend.


Rescuers Heroically Help Beached Garbage Back Into Ocean

ATLANTIC BEACH, NC—In what many described as an inspiring display of selflessness and teamwork, a group of rescuers heroically saved a beached mound of garbage by helping the stranded trash back into the ocean, eyewitnesses reported Thursday. “We were just walking along the shore when we came upon this heartbreaking scene of a pile of garbage left stuck on the sand, and we realized that we had to act quickly,” said Marie Thomas, 41, recalling how she and several strangers came together to lift the trapped rubbish and gently carry it back down to the water. “It was nerve-racking during those first few moments after we set it back in the ocean, but eventually it dipped beneath the surface and floated back out to sea. It felt good to get the garbage back out there with its own kind. Thank God we stumbled upon it when we did.” Despite an increase in recent beaching events, experts have assured the public that oceanic garbage is not threatened and that its population continues to rise, and advised citizens not to worry at all.







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Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy was express her feeling about her neighborhood. she disappoint that he neighborhood is too safety to her family to afford. her neighborhood in not a rich neighborhood, let us not in a good middle class neighborhood, but not in a poor neighborhood. somewhat in the middle. she explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years. kirsten felt that she uprooted her family seven years ago, to humbolt park. because of the market value around that the park, bring the neighborhood be more safety to live. she had to move a neighborhood that not safety. ok! the why she feel this way, she used to her old neighborhood's ways. she explains when we first moved in seven years ago, we didn’t even feel like we could leave the house after dark, which was great for a family on a limited budget,” said Healy, who noted that, given how little she lies awake these days worrying about a potential home invasion or assault, she can tell her family will soon be priced out of their apartment. Kristen really concern leave if things don't change in her neighborhood really soon. Kristen during the interview, hasn't told family that she will soon priced out her apartment. Kristin express with of lack of hope in her voice. she said ,“The way things are going, we won’t even feel unsafe walking the few blocks to the grocery store in a year or two—I just don’t think we have the kind of money for that. We’d love to stay here, but with our finances the way they are, the minute we stop needing the second bolt on the back door we’ll have no choice but to go out looking for a neighborhood that’s more terrifying.”

good news for Kristen, when this interview went on air on tv. Kristen and her family watching the interview. that moment, they breathed sighs of relief after hearing about a shooting that occurred just five blocks away.





Neighborhood Starting To Get Too Safe For Family To Afford




NEWS IN BRIEF
August 28, 2015

Vol 51 Issue 34
Local · Cities · Violence




CHICAGO—Explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years, Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy expressed her disappointment to reporters Thursday that her neighborhood was becoming too safe for her family to afford. “When we first moved in seven years ago, we didn’t even feel like we could leave the house after dark, which was great for a family on a limited budget,” said Healy, who noted that, given how little she lies awake these days worrying about a potential home invasion or assault, she can tell her family will soon be priced out of their apartment. “The way things are going, we won’t even feel unsafe walking the few blocks to the grocery store in a year or two—I just don’t think we have the kind of money for that. We’d love to stay here, but with our finances the way they are, the minute we stop needing the second bolt on the back door we’ll have no choice but to go out looking for a neighborhood that’s more terrifying.” At press time, the Healys breathed sighs of relief after hearing about a shooting that occurred just five blocks away.



1,400 Dead After Mike Trout Fouls Line Drive Into Stands

WASHINGTON—Taking advantage of the system and giving nothing back in return, local unemployed, single mother reportedly gave birth to two more children out of wedlock this week and continued to pathetically leech off the government. I hate when my taxes goes the single mother have babies like drop in a hat. don't you?? this photo below what Arlington, VA resident Evan Hunt said “This lazy freeloader was already depending on the government to take care of her other kids, and then she has the nerve to pop out a couple more? Unbelievable." I guess that mother has a lot of kids that our taxes paid for. what a bum, she must be!! evan hunt said, his feelings are echoing the sentiments of millions of hardworking Americans who were appalled to learn that the moocher has never worked a single day in her life and has received federal housing assistance and cost-free child care since 2000.

I understand evan's feelings, I have mixing feelings about this mother. evan express more of his feelings. “She just sits on her fat a** eating all day while taxpayers fork over their hard-earned cash to pay for the handouts she gets. And you know her kids are going to grow up to be just like her, too. She’s a disgusting parasite. evan said in angry, not in a prejudice way, she probably didn’t even know who the father was this time either. here is the photo of this single mother, you be the judge is a freeloader to the society.






Single, Unemployed Mother Leeching Off Government


NEWS IN BRIEF
August 25, 2015

Vol 51 Issue 34
News · Animals · Parenting




WASHINGTON—Taking advantage of the system and giving nothing back in return, local unemployed, single mother Mei Xiang reportedly gave birth to two more children out of wedlock this week and continued to pathetically leech off the government. “This lazy freeloader was already depending on the government to take care of her other kids, and then she has the nerve to pop out a couple more? Unbelievable,” said Arlington, VA resident Evan Hunt, echoing the sentiments of millions of hardworking Americans who were appalled to learn that the moocher has never worked a single day in her life and has received federal housing assistance and cost-free child care since 2000. “She just sits on her fat a** eating all day while taxpayers fork over their hard-earned cash to pay for the handouts she gets. And you know her kids are going to grow up to be just like her, too. She’s a disgusting parasite.” At press time, the outraged nation was reportedly speculating that Mei Xiang probably didn’t even know who the father was this time either.

in SKUKUZA, SOUTH AFRICA, the world's large back jackals travel hundreds of miles( most of the jackals use frequency miles on ' dr. dolittle's airlines '. )seeking asylum in Kruger National Park as a preventative measure. a spokeman for these jackals spoke to a reporter, who wrote this article, said.“Right now it’s not absolutely necessary for us to find sanctuary on protected land, but we’re hoping to get in early to mitigate some of the future damage,” said a male jackal, one of thousands of his species that have continued to pour into the park this week to join those already living there. “Obviously, we’d really prefer to continue living in our original territory, but we’ve reached the conclusion that it is simply not worth the risk. It’s probably better for all of us to come here now rather than wait 15 years when there are only 10 percent of us left.”

this reporter is was amazed by the encourage of the jackals. other jackals was there, told the reporter, they will laid down and die because no point in delaying the inevitable. conclusion of this article, the reporter was going to stay there as long it take to see the jackals get their land back. the reporter wants to point at the end of this article, he was move by the hours of conversations with these black jackals. the compassion from these jackals, come out how the struggle of the flight. as an America reporter to understand these poor jackals uplifting their families to travels hundred miles to come home. the reporter enjoy or refreshing to hear his native tonque again. even, the reporter never know knew the jackals can talk English.






Black-Backed Jackals Seek Asylum In Wildlife Preserve As Preventative Measure


NEWS IN BRIEF

July 17, 2015

Vol 51 Issue 28
Science & Technology · Animals


SKUKUZA, SOUTH AFRICA—Traveling hundreds of miles across the African continent in search of a safe haven, the world’s black-backed jackals began seeking asylum in Kruger National Park as a preventative measure, sources confirmed Friday. “Right now it’s not absolutely necessary for us to find sanctuary on protected land, but we’re hoping to get in early to mitigate some of the future damage,” said a male jackal, one of thousands of his species that have continued to pour into the park this week to join those already living there. “Obviously, we’d really prefer to continue living in our original territory, but we’ve reached the conclusion that it is simply not worth the risk. It’s probably better for all of us to come here now rather than wait 15 years when there are only 10 percent of us left.” At press time, however, other jackals had instead simply lain down to die, as there was no point in delaying the inevitable.

in Vatican city, pope francis has you could said a little pigeon problem at his Vatican. pope wish he did have a little pigeon problem, his problem something keeps crashing into his windows every week. a pontiff explain the situation. “It’s really sad; it seems like one of these guys crashes into a window at least once a week,” said the pontiff, who appeared visibly distressed while sweeping up the feathers scattered around the angel’s lifeless body. “ yes, folks, he is describing a dead angel. this article below, doesn't explain why angels are flying into shut windows.

I think these angels need to wear glasses, and they slow down to seewindows. they can open latches of the windows, and go in that way. or, the angels can knock on the front door, or the window. but, I don't know Christian ways in this matter, because i'm jew. jewish people goes temple, we let anyone in. I think rabbis might get upset, if the angels don't wipe the feet before come in.

the pontiff tell the reporter, told that the pope want to release this statement for the reporter in this article. “Most of the time, their necks break and they die instantly, but once in a while they’re still twitching a bit. That’s when I find it’s best to put them out of their misery with a shovel.”

At press time, the Bishop of Rome was attempting to scrape off an angel splattered on the windshield of the Popemobile.




Pope Cleans Up Dead Angel Who Flew Into Sistine Chapel Window


August 31, 2015

Vol 51 Issue 35
News · World · Religion


VATICAN CITY—Hurrying outside after hearing a disturbingly loud thud against the side of the church, Pope Francis was reportedly left to clean up the remains of a dead angel Monday that flew straight into one of the Sistine Chapel’s windows. “It’s really sad; it seems like one of these guys crashes into a window at least once a week,” said the pontiff, who appeared visibly distressed while sweeping up the feathers scattered around the angel’s lifeless body. “Most of the time, their necks break and they die instantly, but once in a while they’re still twitching a bit. That’s when I find it’s best to put them out of their misery with a shovel.” At press time, the Bishop of Rome was attempting to scrape off an angel splattered on the windshield of the Popemobile.

this article sound like it came from ' the twilight zone ', this story is usually could be true, how can you explain.

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Saying they found themselves shocked, appalled, and yet unable to look away, hundreds of passersby stopped to view the horrible wreckage of 34-year-old local resident Tim Finucane on Tuesday.

Cordoning off a 50-foot area of debris in a beer-can-strewn yard, law-enforcement officials confirmed they found the crushed, broken-down ruin of a man sitting on his front porch and staring blankly into the distance, but would not speculate as to what led to the disastrous scene.

I will warn you this article is graphic, the description of tim can make you violent sick. the photo below is tim, it is disturbing. the police had to come to tim's house. tim is make a scene. here is the description of tim from the policeman, who is charge. "We haven't been able to determine what could have caused the devastating impact that must have taken place here," said Sgt. James Hodges of the Tallahassee Police Department, standing a few yards away from the chain-smoking wreck. I should point that sgt. hodges is try to maintain his compassion to tim. his expression for tim below.

"All we know is that a white male in his mid-30s lost control of his life and, after a series of wrong turns, completely fell apart, coming to a stop where you see him now." his next statement show you cares about tim. "In my 22 years on the force, I've never seen anything so heart-wrenching," Hodges continued. "Those sad, dull eyes of his—the whole scene is too terrible for words."

here are statements for locals describes they feeling about tim.

Phillip Reiss, a local electrician watching from behind the police barricade, was one of many in the growing crowd who said he felt deeply disturbed but strangely entranced by the human wreckage.

"I can't take my eyes away from it," Reiss said. "It's this feeling of wanting to do something, but feeling completely helpless. I mean, look at him. Is there even anything that can be done to rebuild his life at this point, or do you just try to make him as comfortable as possible?"

look at the compassion for tim, out pour for tim. Among the hundreds who stood gaping at the shattered man, several told reporters their hearts went out to those who had lost so much in the tragedy. By Tuesday evening, a makeshift memorial of flowers and notes bearing words of sympathy had already been erected in tribute to Finucane's ex-wife, who had so many years of her life stolen from her as a result of the walking tragedy.

"I can't stop thinking about his poor kids," said 53-year-old schoolteacher Robin Mayer, referring to the three as-yet unidentified children scarred for life by the catastrophic ordeal. "It's just so sad to think that they'll never have a normal childhood and will always have to live with this."

"At least on alternate weekends," Mayer added.

the photo below will help you understand this next statement from mayer.
Some residents expressed dismay with the assembled onlookers, pleading with the crowd to let Finucane keep whatever dignity he had left and to move aside so someone could "at least come in and clean him up."

public safety advocate Ted Moura, believe that this event tonight could be prevent that tim could have got help, before this tragedy tonight. moura said, "This was a disaster of a human being waiting to happen," Moura told reporters. "There were plenty of warning signs that he just couldn't bear that kind of weight and stress, and yet no one did anything about it. And now we all have to deal with the aftermath."Moura added that the sheer number of similar incidences that have occurred in the past year on the same stretch of road where Finucane was discovered—most recently, the massive burnout of 31-year-old attorney Bill Ingraham in March—make it clear that something has to be done to combat the problem.

that how the article end. At press time, officials said that while it seemed unlikely there would be anything worth salvaging, any real efforts to comb through the wreckage would have to wait until morning because Finucane had gone inside to watch NCIS: Los Angeles.

I personally if I was tim, I would tape on dvd, NCIS: Los Angles. I think it is a great show, too.





Hundreds Of Horrified Onlookers Gather Around Wreckage Of Area Man


NEWS
May 5, 2011

Vol 47 Issue 18
Local · Area Man


TALLAHASSEE, FL—Saying they found themselves shocked, appalled, and yet unable to look away, hundreds of passersby stopped to view the horrible wreckage of 34-year-old local resident Tim Finucane on Tuesday.

Cordoning off a 50-foot area of debris in a beer-can-strewn yard, law-enforcement officials confirmed they found the crushed, broken-down ruin of a man sitting on his front porch and staring blankly into the distance, but would not speculate as to what led to the disastrous scene.

"We haven't been able to determine what could have caused the devastating impact that must have taken place here," said Sgt. James Hodges of the Tallahassee Police Department, standing a few yards away from the chain-smoking wreck. "All we know is that a white male in his mid-30s lost control of his life and, after a series of wrong turns, completely fell apart, coming to a stop where you see him now."

"In my 22 years on the force, I've never seen anything so heart-wrenching," Hodges continued. "Those sad, dull eyes of his—the whole scene is too terrible for words."

Phillip Reiss, a local electrician watching from behind the police barricade, was one of many in the growing crowd who said he felt deeply disturbed but strangely entranced by the human wreckage.

"I can't take my eyes away from it," Reiss said. "It's this feeling of wanting to do something, but feeling completely helpless. I mean, look at him. Is there even anything that can be done to rebuild his life at this point, or do you just try to make him as comfortable as possible?"

Among the hundreds who stood gaping at the shattered man, several told reporters their hearts went out to those who had lost so much in the tragedy. By Tuesday evening, a makeshift memorial of flowers and notes bearing words of sympathy had already been erected in tribute to Finucane's ex-wife, who had so many years of her life stolen from her as a result of the walking tragedy.

"I can't stop thinking about his poor kids," said 53-year-old schoolteacher Robin Mayer, referring to the three as-yet unidentified children scarred for life by the catastrophic ordeal. "It's just so sad to think that they'll never have a normal childhood and will always have to live with this."

"At least on alternate weekends," Mayer added.

Some residents expressed dismay with the assembled onlookers, pleading with the crowd to let Finucane keep whatever dignity he had left and to move aside so someone could "at least come in and clean him up."

Others, including public safety advocate Ted Moura, questioned whether the wreck could have been prevented. Moura claimed that Finucane's increasing dilapidation over the years should have tipped off community officials.

"This was a disaster of a human being waiting to happen," Moura told reporters. "There were plenty of warning signs that he just couldn't bear that kind of weight and stress, and yet no one did anything about it. And now we all have to deal with the aftermath."

Moura added that the sheer number of similar incidences that have occurred in the past year on the same stretch of road where Finucane was discovered—most recently, the massive burnout of 31-year-old attorney Bill Ingraham in March—make it clear that something has to be done to combat the problem.

At press time, officials said that while it seemed unlikely there would be anything worth salvaging, any real efforts to comb through the wreckage would have to wait until morning because Finucane had gone inside to watch NCIS: Los Angeles.

WASHINGTON—Calling the program “the most crucial in the agency’s history,” researchers at NASA announced Wednesday they have successfully deployed a Special Exploratory Rover to Congress as part of an open-ended mission to seek out any possible trace of funding on Capitol Hill.

The rover, named Hope, is a remotely operated, semi-autonomous vehicle outfitted with ultra-sensitive equipment that can detect even the smallest amounts of program-sustaining revenue, NASA scientists confirmed. The unmanned explorer will reportedly traverse the chambers of both the Senate and House of Representatives, continuing its search as long as necessary.



“The climate Hope will be navigating is incredibly hostile to this sort of research,” said project manager John L. Callas of NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, explaining that the rover will collect any deposits of funds it can find, however miniscule. “But we have engineered this vehicle to withstand the most challenging fiscal landscape, having learned from previous missions that the harsh, unforgiving environment of Congress often makes it difficult to carry out scientific inquiry of any kind.”

what is hope doing for congress that we know that congress sit around dump a lot of bull crap around over the place. harry Truman said, ' the buck stop here. ' in congress, the bull crap stop here. there are piles of bullcrap flying around congress, not from their mouths. the paperwork that piles on the tables and the floor, that congress doesn't care about, you know bullcrap.

nasa was the last hope for congress, of course, might use something else attack this problem. callas said, “It of course goes without saying that we cannot send a human being on such a mission,” he added. “The conditions are far too punishing.” he trying to be nice, he mean if they sent a man clean up the crap, they never find him again. would you want be in newspaper's headlines. ' a man die in our govenrment's bureaucracy '. talking about get lost in paperwork.

“Tomorrow morning, we have a narrow window in which we hope to be able to study a House Budget Committee hearing,” Callas said. “We should have Hope in place by evening, at which point we’ll shut it down for the night to save on battery power. That should leave us well positioned to examine the vast mountains of allocation proposals that occur there and look for any frozen capital that we can hopefully break free for future missions and experiments.” callas saying he might a dump truck to help hope out. he send four dump trucks in congress room. hope tried to move around the crap on his own, he barely get through the door with all crap in the room on hope's first day.

in 2011, nasa tried to attacked this problem, before hope. the rover called ' Possibility '. when I said that nasa send out possibility before hope, nasa hasn't heard or possibility never been in contact with them. possibility was been lost in ' the congress bureaucracy triangle '. that's like said possibility is lost in ' the Bermuda triangle '. nasa, you kiss off, that rover, goodbye!!

in conclusion of the article, Callas told reporters the current rover’s expedition is “absolutely vital” to NASA’s long-term research goals.

“The clock is definitely ticking,” he said. “The fact of the matter is that this is the last real shot we have at discovering whether there is funding support to be found anywhere in Congress, or whether we are, in the end, truly alone out here.”

my conclusion is we sent a man to the moon, as long, we don't it launch from congress.


NASA Deploys Congressional Rover To Search For Funding


NEWS
September 2, 2015

Vol 51 Issue 35
Science & Technology · Science · Technology · Government · Congress


WASHINGTON—Calling the program “the most crucial in the agency’s history,” researchers at NASA announced Wednesday they have successfully deployed a Special Exploratory Rover to Congress as part of an open-ended mission to seek out any possible trace of funding on Capitol Hill.

The rover, named Hope, is a remotely operated, semi-autonomous vehicle outfitted with ultra-sensitive equipment that can detect even the smallest amounts of program-sustaining revenue, NASA scientists confirmed. The unmanned explorer will reportedly traverse the chambers of both the Senate and House of Representatives, continuing its search as long as necessary.

“The climate Hope will be navigating is incredibly hostile to this sort of research,” said project manager John L. Callas of NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, explaining that the rover will collect any deposits of funds it can find, however miniscule. “But we have engineered this vehicle to withstand the most challenging fiscal landscape, having learned from previous missions that the harsh, unforgiving environment of Congress often makes it difficult to carry out scientific inquiry of any kind.”

“It of course goes without saying that we cannot send a human being on such a mission,” he added. “The conditions are far too punishing.”

According to Callas, Hope will first be directed toward areas of Congress that scientists believe are most likely to reveal previously undiscovered discretionary cash flows. In the weeks ahead, after investigating several dozen seats on the Senate floor, the vehicle will move on to explore a structure called Mikulski’s Chambers, and by the end of the fiscal year the rover will bring its alpha-particle X-ray spectrometer online, attempting to peer into the largely opaque phenomenon known as the appropriations process.

“Tomorrow morning, we have a narrow window in which we hope to be able to study a House Budget Committee hearing,” Callas said. “We should have Hope in place by evening, at which point we’ll shut it down for the night to save on battery power. That should leave us well positioned to examine the vast mountains of allocation proposals that occur there and look for any frozen capital that we can hopefully break free for future missions and experiments.”

NASA engineers said the rover has several instruments that have been specifically developed for the mission at hand, noting that the vehicle’s robotic arm can flip through thousands of pages of legislation per second, its ocular scanner can analyze budget proposals for any liquid assets, and its delicate sonic gear can periodically test the atmosphere for pro-science sentiments that may have been stirred up.

Hope isn’t the first NASA rover to climb the steps of the Capitol and assess whether conditions in the legislative branch might be favorable to funding. A previous vehicle, Possibility, was launched during the budget crisis of 2011, but scientists reportedly lost contact with it when it attempted to cross the aisle in the Senate and became mired in treacherous procedural maneuverings.

Callas told reporters the current rover’s expedition is “absolutely vital” to NASA’s long-term research goals.

“The clock is definitely ticking,” he said. “The fact of the matter is that this is the last real shot we have at discovering whether there is funding support to be found anywhere in Congress, or whether we are, in the end, truly alone out here.”