How to understand a woman

How to understand a woman:

Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine" (see above) .

Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

Loud Sigh: Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks: This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

I quit trying to figure Women out.
I sort of like the mystery.

J.R.

Same here, I gave up at around 20, and the truly weird thing about that is that I was then adjudged by women as being someone who understood women?
I can only suppose that by not having any opinion and just shutting up and allowing them to fill in that gap themselves they assumed my agreement with whatever, but I'm only guessing, I don't understand women at all!

Sure got me laid a lot though

Saw a Tshirt once that summed it up beautifully...
"Sure, I'll be a Sensitive New Age Guy, if it will get me a root"
Works for me!

You begin to understand women when you understand that they can not be understood.

But do women understand that?

If you ask for clarification they get mad or upset because you don't understand them.

The Usual: means different things on different days

A Drink: means "I don't know what I want, but you better get it right!"

Please allow me to correct that last for you.

"You'd better not get it wrong"!

The weirdest thing a woman ever said to me?

"If you really loved me you'd believe me even when you know I'm lying to you"!

My ex', on the subject of infidelity.

And of course none of those buttons, dials or knobs have any labels on them so you don't know what you are turning up, down or activating.

Precisely, and what's worse, their functions are randomly altered on a monthly basis!