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Eaglebauer

Moderator
Deleted

Saint Louis, Missouri

#376

May 06, 2014 @ 03:29:58

Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22): Your natural resourcefulness allows you to enjoy father-daughter day at the zoo, though you are neither a father nor a daughter, and you can't stand animals.

Eaglebauer

Moderator
Deleted

Saint Louis, Missouri

#377

May 06, 2014 @ 03:31:46

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22): It's not enough to just sit there and cry about your problems all night long. Try also kicking your legs a bit to see if that helps.

Eaglebauer

Moderator
Deleted

Saint Louis, Missouri

#378

May 06, 2014 @ 03:38:45

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 23): Libra represents the descent of the self into the collective ocean of spirit and thought. Also, Libra represents whatever other bulls*** you're willing to believe this week.

Eaglebauer

Moderator
Deleted

Saint Louis, Missouri

#379

May 15, 2014 @ 04:29:02

Scorpio (Oct 24 - Nov 21): You've always believed that everything happens for a reason, so there's probably a perfectly reasonable explanation for what the less philosophical would call your senseless death next week.

someone_else_again

Really. Not a dude.

, Washington

#380

May 15, 2014 @ 16:29:36

@Eaglebauer Said

These scare me sometimes. I'll have someone let you know if I die next week.

Eaglebauer

Moderator
Deleted

Saint Louis, Missouri

#381

Aug 26, 2014 @ 06:17:04

Saggitarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21): Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. Push your grandmother in front of a bus this week.

Eaglebauer

Moderator
Deleted

Saint Louis, Missouri

#382

Aug 26, 2014 @ 06:20:33

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19): You will die alone, unmourned, and unloved, but because you do it on live television, you'll still manage to be considered a success.

Eaglebauer

Moderator
Deleted

Saint Louis, Missouri

#384

Aug 26, 2014 @ 06:25:52

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20): It's true that your heart is mature beyond your years, which is nice, except in the case of your rapidly aging mistrial and aortic valves.

Eaglebauer

Moderator
Deleted

Saint Louis, Missouri

#385

Sep 13, 2014 @ 18:54:22

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19) : You'll have yet another disastrous first date when you get something stuck between your front teeth and a crosstown bus.

Edited: December 30, 2014 @ 05:22

Eaglebauer

Moderator
Deleted

Saint Louis, Missouri

#386

Sep 13, 2014 @ 18:56:20

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20): Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you that emergency brain surgery and a quadruple bypass won't solve in the next 90 minutes.

Eaglebauer

Moderator
Deleted

Saint Louis, Missouri

#387

Sep 13, 2014 @ 18:58:29

Gemini (May 21 - June 21): A regular routine can provide much needed structure, but you might be better off if you didn't start every day with a guy trying to saw your head off.

Eaglebauer

Moderator
Deleted

Saint Louis, Missouri

#388

Oct 13, 2014 @ 01:13:38

Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 22): Sleep will elude you as you wrestle all night with existential questions of mortality and meaning as well as a couple of random wrestlers.

Eaglebauer

Moderator
Deleted

Saint Louis, Missouri

#389

Oct 13, 2014 @ 01:14:24

Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22): You'll start to think the people who want you to choose between hugs and drugs have set up a false dichotomy after discovering you can actually have both at once.

Eaglebauer

Moderator
Deleted

Saint Louis, Missouri

#390

Oct 13, 2014 @ 01:24:56

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22): Air and fire magicks are very strong in your sign right now, so it's fortunate that you're really into igniting your own flatulence.

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