I don't even see why she would want him to offer to pay. Those kids are not his responsibility, and if it was me it would have never crossed my mind.
Whether she would have taken the money or not doesn't matter to me (well, it does, but not just yet). It's the fact that SHE has two kids, and they are under her care, not his. That's taking good old chivalry to a completely different level, one that doesn't seem like fair playing ground to me.
Was this her first date with him?
Yes, her first date with him. If I remember correctly, her divorce was hard on the kids and she is just getting back into the dating scene because she did needed time to get things better emotionally for her and her kids.
I am tying to nicely tell her, it is not up to men to pay for everything. She can offer to pay half or even leave a tip or she can pay on second date, if there is one, something, anything.
And her expecting or thinking men should pay the sitter makes her seem like she is after money when she is not.
I agree. That is too high of an expectation. And women who do this only hurt themselves in the long run. There are a lot of decent good men out there who are not independently wealthy who do even offer to pay for the whole date (not many men even do that much, and honestly today it isn't really a requirement i don't think, but a nice touch) so to expect a man to offer to pay for the sitter, well that almost sounds like "princess syndrome" or something.
I think some men think single moms just want a new father for their children and also are after men with money. Things like this, her thinking he should pay or even offer, do not make it any better.
I am getting more information, it appears he dropped her off, said he had a good time and would call her. She thinks he will infact call. She never called him out on not offering but will not see him again because of it. I am trying to change her mind on this as he sounds decent enough ,based on this one date. If she does not see him again and he asks why, I wonder what she will tell him.
but her having two children is not part of the date unless he was the father.
I think men paying for the dates is a nice gesture, but outdated and shouldn't be expected. I'd prefer to split it, as that is fair, but will go along with the who ever did the inviting can do the paying.
Ihe sitter for the kids, is her responsibility to make arrangements for before hand. It's like she had to have clothing for the date or take a shower to prepare for it, should he have offered to pay part of her water bill and for soap? or buy part of her outfit? I think your friend has unreasonable expectations.
I would probably tell her I think it's an unreasonable expectation, but I tell my friends things like that, though they all kinda know that if I think something is wrong, I will speak up about it. They don't have to agree with me or listen to me, but I will point out something.
If someone asks me out on date, I assume they are paying the same as if I ask, it can be assumed I am paying. However, I always offer to pay half and if told no, I offer to leave the tip. If there is a second date and I did not pay for first, I will pay for second.
Dating is not all up to men anymore and these says, its expensive. A movie for two is like 45$ here with tickets and snacks and that is not even eating beforehand. It should not be expected men to pay for everything.