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DorkySupergirl On about 7 hours ago




, Canada
#16New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 03:35:29
@eternus_somnium Said

I don't even see why she would want him to offer to pay. Those kids are not his responsibility, and if it was me it would have never crossed my mind.

Whether she would have taken the money or not doesn't matter to me (well, it does, but not just yet). It's the fact that SHE has two kids, and they are under her care, not his. That's taking good old chivalry to a completely different level, one that doesn't seem like fair playing ground to me.

Was this her first date with him?


Yes, her first date with him. If I remember correctly, her divorce was hard on the kids and she is just getting back into the dating scene because she did needed time to get things better emotionally for her and her kids.

I am tying to nicely tell her, it is not up to men to pay for everything. She can offer to pay half or even leave a tip or she can pay on second date, if there is one, something, anything.

And her expecting or thinking men should pay the sitter makes her seem like she is after money when she is not.


@GSnap Said

I agree. That is too high of an expectation. And women who do this only hurt themselves in the long run. There are a lot of decent good men out there who are not independently wealthy who do even offer to pay for the whole date (not many men even do that much, and honestly today it isn't really a requirement i don't think, but a nice touch) so to expect a man to offer to pay for the sitter, well that almost sounds like "princess syndrome" or something.


I think some men think single moms just want a new father for their children and also are after men with money. Things like this, her thinking he should pay or even offer, do not make it any better.

I am getting more information, it appears he dropped her off, said he had a good time and would call her. She thinks he will infact call. She never called him out on not offering but will not see him again because of it. I am trying to change her mind on this as he sounds decent enough ,based on this one date. If she does not see him again and he asks why, I wonder what she will tell him.


@DiscordTiger Said

but her having two children is not part of the date unless he was the father.

I think men paying for the dates is a nice gesture, but outdated and shouldn't be expected. I'd prefer to split it, as that is fair, but will go along with the who ever did the inviting can do the paying.

Ihe sitter for the kids, is her responsibility to make arrangements for before hand. It's like she had to have clothing for the date or take a shower to prepare for it, should he have offered to pay part of her water bill and for soap? or buy part of her outfit? I think your friend has unreasonable expectations.

I would probably tell her I think it's an unreasonable expectation, but I tell my friends things like that, though they all kinda know that if I think something is wrong, I will speak up about it. They don't have to agree with me or listen to me, but I will point out something.


If someone asks me out on date, I assume they are paying the same as if I ask, it can be assumed I am paying. However, I always offer to pay half and if told no, I offer to leave the tip. If there is a second date and I did not pay for first, I will pay for second.

Dating is not all up to men anymore and these says, its expensive. A movie for two is like 45$ here with tickets and snacks and that is not even eating beforehand. It should not be expected men to pay for everything.
GSnap On May 11, 2013
The Edit Queen!





Over the Rainbow,
#17New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 03:41:05
@DorkySupergirl Said

Y

If someone asks me out on date, I assume they are paying the same as if I ask, it can be assumed I am paying. However, I always offer to pay half and if told no, I offer to leave the tip. If there is a second date and I did not pay for first, I will pay for second.

Dating is not all up to men anymore and these says, its expensive. A movie for two is like 45$ here with tickets and snacks and that is not even eating beforehand. It should not be expected men to pay for everything.



That's the same way I am. Pretty much the same outlook on it as you described above. I think that is very fair. Now if a guy asks a girl out who isn't working then it should be expected he pays if he knows this, but on that same note, if she isn't working, hopefully there is a good reason (i.e. fulltime student or something legit, and not just someone lazy )
TenaciousDave On October 26, 2014
JUMP BOUNCE UP DOWN





Jeffrey Dahmer's Lunchbox,
#18New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 03:44:10
@DorkySupergirl Said

If a man invites a woman who has kids out on a date, is he responsible for paying for the babysitter?

The reason I am asking, I just heard from a friend who had a date and she is not seeing him again. He is polite, respectful, paid for the whole date but did not offer to pay the babysitter so she is not seeing him again.

So if she goes out with a friend to a movie, is the friend suppose to pay for the babysitter for her?



No offense,but your friend sounds like a real basket case jack-off.

Sorry,but I had to edit that.
boobagins On August 03, 2013
SPICY HOT TAMALES





Astral Weeks, Florida
#19New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 03:44:29
No...I don't think the date should pay for the kids. If you're going on a first date, I doubt you would introduce your kids to your date beyond a quick "hey" and I don't think they should until said mention date and kids actually get to know each other.

I think its rude to make your date pay for babysitting, I really do. Because that is something you are taking upon. You're going on the date...I mean is he supposed to pay for the dress you are wearing and the lipstick on your face too?
JuanSmith On November 16, 2014
Shilsh-Aash yatasay





Corral de Tierra, California
#20New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 03:44:31
yeah...
late as usual


but the guy had no obligation to pay or even offer to pay for her sitter. They aren't his kids and for her to think he should have at least offered makes me worried about how she may see things... maybe she was raised to think this way?

It would be one thing for the guy to ask her out on a date and her reply with a "thank you but I can't afford a sitter right now" type of response. then and only then can a guy offer if he truly wants to go on a date with her but I suspect that if this case were presented and the guy said "ok I understand" and said maybe next time that she would still feel offended.

not sure if that made sense.
It did in my head.. but I'm tired.


either way your friend should give this guy a fair shot to get away.
I know I wouldn't want someone like that.
but who knows maybe they guy would.
eternus_somnium On August 27, 2014
clinically crackers





, United States (general)
#21New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 03:47:16
I hope she gives this guy a chance, though if he found out about this I'm not sure he'd be willing to stick around anyway
DorkySupergirl On about 7 hours ago




, Canada
#22New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 04:02:27
@JuanSmith Said

yeah...
late as usual


but the guy had no obligation to pay or even offer to pay for her sitter. They aren't his kids and for her to think he should have at least offered makes me worried about how she may see things... maybe she was raised to think this way?

It would be one thing for the guy to ask her out on a date and her reply with a "thank you but I can't afford a sitter right now" type of response. then and only then can a guy offer if he truly wants to go on a date with her but I suspect that if this case were presented and the guy said "ok I understand" and said maybe next time that she would still feel offended.

not sure if that made sense.
It did in my head.. but I'm tired.


either way your friend should give this guy a fair shot to get away.
I know I wouldn't want someone like that.
but who knows maybe they guy would.


It makes sense to me. I agree, if she could not afford a sitter and told him that, perhaps then it would be okay if he offered.


@eternus_somnium Said

I hope she gives this guy a chance, though if he found out about this I'm not sure he'd be willing to stick around anyway


I think its hard to find a decent person to date and I would be disappointed if she let him pass by because her expectations are too high. I think it comes down to times have changed and men do not pay for everything anymore and she is not aware of this.

If I found out I was expected to pay for a sitter, I would run very far and run very fast.
DiscordTiger On 19 minutes ago
The Queen of Random

Administrator




Emerald City, United States (g
#23New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 04:04:46
@DorkySupergirl Said

Yes, her first date with him. If I remember correctly, her divorce was hard on the kids and she is just getting back into the dating scene because she did needed time to get things better emotionally for her and her kids.

I am tying to nicely tell her, it is not up to men to pay for everything. She can offer to pay half or even leave a tip or she can pay on second date, if there is one, something, anything.

And her expecting or thinking men should pay the sitter makes her seem like she is after money when she is not.




I think some men think single moms just want a new father for their children and also are after men with money. Things like this, her thinking he should pay or even offer, do not make it any better.

I am getting more information, it appears he dropped her off, said he had a good time and would call her. She thinks he will infact call. She never called him out on not offering but will not see him again because of it. I am trying to change her mind on this as he sounds decent enough ,based on this one date. If she does not see him again and he asks why, I wonder what she will tell him.




If someone asks me out on date, I assume they are paying the same as if I ask, it can be assumed I am paying. However, I always offer to pay half and if told no, I offer to leave the tip. If there is a second date and I did not pay for first, I will pay for second.

Dating is not all up to men anymore and these says, its expensive. A movie for two is like 45$ here with tickets and snacks and that is not even eating beforehand. It should not be expected men to pay for everything.


She might just not understand current expectations. I don't date myself, but I go out to dinner/lunch and movies with friends and either we splitting costs or taking turns, or who ever invited pays. (depending on the friend)I never make an invitation or suggestion to do something, unless I am willing to pay for it, completely. I'm just worried about not being able to pay the bill and being forced to wash dishes

I'd just talk with her nicely, that that expectation makes her come off in bad light, and since you know her that may not be what she really means. Dating after divorce is hard enough she might really not know. Depending on how long ago she dated, and if she ever was in a real dating situation in the first place.

The trick will be to explain it nicely to her without making her feel overly bad about it, it could be an honest mistake, like many other etiquette issues.
eternus_somnium On August 27, 2014
clinically crackers





, United States (general)
#24New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 04:06:20
@DorkySupergirl Said

If I found out I was expected to pay for a sitter, I would run very far and run very fast.



I think this is what you really need to make clear to her
DorkySupergirl On about 7 hours ago




, Canada
#25New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 04:12:28
@DiscordTiger Said

She might just not understand current expectations. I don't date myself, but I go out to dinner/lunch and movies with friends and either we splitting costs or taking turns, or who ever invited pays. (depending on the friend)I never make an invitation or suggestion to do something, unless I am willing to pay for it, completely. I'm just worried about not being able to pay the bill and being forced to wash dishes

I'd just talk with her nicely, that that expectation makes her come off in bad light, and since you know her that may not be what she really means. Dating after divorce is hard enough she might really not know. Depending on how long ago she dated, and if she ever was in a real dating situation in the first place.

The trick will be to explain it nicely to her without making her feel overly bad about it, it could be an honest mistake, like many other etiquette issues.


I'm not dating either so I was no sure if men were paying for sitters now or what because my first thought was, you have got to be kidding me.

I think you are spot on, I think her divorce was hard on her and her kids and dating again is hard after not doing it for so long. Plus, its got to be hard on her kids knowing mom is dating and could find someone out there.

She is very old fashioned an this is not a reality anymore in society today and she is out of touch. I do not see her as a person to be with someone for money, just that men are suppose to pay for things, her parents taught her this.

I will do as you say and be very nice in my wording but honest, she really is expecting too much. Its not like she can't afford a sitter because she can and often gets one for movies with friends etc.


@eternus_somnium Said

I think this is what you really need to make clear to her


Yes, I was going to do it before bed, but now sitting here thinking, I want to compose my thoughts as I do not want to see like I am attacking her or anything.
ninozara On October 17, 2014




Cheshire, United Kingdom
#26New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 04:38:25
I know when my Mum started dating again, she schedueled her dates at times when I was with my Dad...until the the point where she felt she trusted the man enough to introduce me (and that only ever happened with two men - one of which she is now married to.) But even if they went out one night when I was one, she would never expect him to pay for me.

Later on, he would pay for us to go out as a family, but that was much later on.

The only other exception is a friend who got another mutual fiend to babysit me while she had a night out - he paid for everything - drinks, taxi, babysitting - but only because Mum's paycheck didn't even cover the mortgage and he wanted to give her a break.

So, I suppose if a guy knows that a woman can't afford a babysitter and had no-one to rely on...if he really liked her he might pay (knowing there would be no date otherwise), but he has no responsibility to. It;s unfair to expect him to.
Electric_Banana On 52 minutes ago




, New Zealand
#27New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 06:26:52
@DorkySupergirl Said

If a man invites a woman who has kids out on a date, is he responsible for paying for the babysitter?

The reason I am asking, I just heard from a friend who had a date and she is not seeing him again. He is polite, respectful, paid for the whole date but did not offer to pay the babysitter so she is not seeing him again.

So if she goes out with a friend to a movie, is the friend suppose to pay for the babysitter for her?



That would've never came to mind.

And chics everywhere sure do seem to have a lot of offers to toss aside polite, respectful men because of Seinfeld incidents.

I personally would've taken us to Denny's and brought the children with us.
raditz On November 04, 2014
Blah





Houston, Texas
#28New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 07:27:46
@DorkySupergirl Said

If a man invites a woman who has kids out on a date, is he responsible for paying for the babysitter?

The reason I am asking, I just heard from a friend who had a date and she is not seeing him again. He is polite, respectful, paid for the whole date but did not offer to pay the babysitter so she is not seeing him again.

So if she goes out with a friend to a movie, is the friend suppose to pay for the babysitter for her?



Wow, that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. Who asks a woman with kids out on a date? lol j/k

Seriously though, why would he be responsible for finding someone for her kids? She better get used to the single life.
Jennifer1984 On November 18, 2014
Olympic Junkie





Penzance, United Kingdom
#29New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 07:46:19
Hmmm.

On the surface of it, I would generally be in agreement with the consensus on here. She should pay for her own babysitter. The child is hers and it's her responsibility. It really is expecting too much to demand that her date pay the babysitter.

However.

We don't know this woman's circumstances. Think about it for a moment, people..... She's a single mother, very possibly on a limited income.

It could be that she hasn't been out in some considerable time because she can't afford to. Put yourself in that position... you're a single mother in a life of drudgery which focuses solely on caring for a child... you haven't been out in goodness knows how long. Very possibly, the cost of a babysitter could be the difference between eating and not eating tomorrow.

The simple thing would be to not go on the date... but it's been soooooooooo long. The need to just get out for one lousy night is too much, and in that situation, a woman could be tempted to brazen it out and get him to pay for the sitter too.

OK... that is a theoretical scenario, but it's a plausible one. We are all being very judgemental, whilst in possession of only one side of the story.

There are always two sides to every story.


.
white_swan53 On November 17, 2014




right here,
#30New Post! Mar 22, 2011 @ 08:17:01
[QUOTE=DorkySupergirl said

Her reasoning is that he knew she has two children and it was part of the date so at least, cost should have been split


It sounds like it would be cheaper to ask the babysitter out on a date and leave mom home with the kids.
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