i wrote this and want to know what everyone thinks. it is called Hollow Winds.


It flies through the dying trees,
it flies over the moving seas.
It makes you cold on lonely nights,
it breaks apart many fights.
It's the music for that spooky night,
it travels around out of sight.
It moves straight with not a bend,
it is known as the Hollow Wind.

I like it.

wat part needs work??? i am still new to writing poetry.

lol idk i was bored wen i wote it and the words popped into my head. i have another one i put on the forums u can find it and look at it if u want to

kewl

Drop the 's' in your title.....

You have be consequential with putting your thoughts to paper (or recording them, here). And, like charger said, drop the second "flies."

Maybe,.... 'It meanders over moving seas.' instead.


-- How do you expect me to 'soar with the eagles,' when I have to work with such turkeys?

here's mine:

I AM THE DOG
i am the one; bitten by fleas and still sane. i am always there to lend a paw your way. cross my waving tail, i will always be there. i have been in the fields of life, alone and lost, but i always come back. i have come from the darkness where food is not food and water flows up, never down to me. forced to chase away any hope of friendship; food is scarce. my chest is heavy because i carry my everlasting love drum to those who often offer comfort. another door opens, but my home is never forward, never back. there is no boundary to my mind, even when i am bound to the floor. i call as much as i can, and there are answers. lazy enough to stay and never come to my aching black hole haven. i wish i had a different life. maybe one with humans...
i am the one, always squeaky clean it drives me insane. loyal to those who are loyal to me. i bound across low cut lands of soft green, chasing the wind from side to side. i have come from the light where food is good food and water flows down to me. i chase away loathing and take pride in my times of greatness. food is plentiful here. my chest is heavy because i carry my everlasting love drum to those who often offer comfort. another door opens, but my home is always forward, always back. i am a free spirit, a love of life never short for the love of life. but there are boundaries at every turn. i know i never have to call because friends are always there. they always come, even when i want to be alone. they always barge into my black hole haven. i wish i had a different life. maybe one without humans...


for updates on my books

bookupdates@yahoo.com

i had to say it on stage.


for updates on my books

bookupdates@yahoo.com

lol. i havnt had to say any of mine on a stage yet. in about a week i will have to share my poem named Love on stage. i entered it into a poetry contest where i live and out of hundreds of entries i came in second with my poem.