Forum Index > Entertainment > Celebrities | >> best chris rock quotes | | |
 May 03, 2008 @ 17:36:43 | #3 | delta62
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Join Date: Dec 2007 | When I was a kid, I had to be near-death to see a doctor, so my daddy got into the habit of putting Robitussin on everything, and I mean EVERYTHING!
[Impersonating his father and himself]
Daddy, I got asthama! "Well here, take some Robitussin!" Daddy, I got cancer! "Here, take some Robitussin!" Daddy, I broke my leg! "Here, put some Robitussin on it... that's right, let the Robitesum sink in there."
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| May 03, 2008 @ 17:41:25 | #5 | delta62
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18/M/manchester, United Kingdom
Join Date: Dec 2007 | Everybody is talking about gun control. Got to control the guns. Fuck, that, I like guns. If you've got a gun, you don't need to work out! Cause, I ain't working out. I ain't jogging. No, I think we need some bullet control. I think every bullet should cost five thousand dollars. Five thousand dollars for a bullet. Know why? Cos if a bullet cost five thousand dollars, there'd be no more innocent by-standers. That'd be it. Some guy'd be shot you'd be all 'Damn, he must've done something, he's got fifty thousand dollars worth of bullets in his ass!' And people'd think before they shot someone 'Man I will blow your f**king head off, if I could afford it. I'm gonna get me a second job, start saving up, and you a dead man. You'd better hope I don't get no bullets on lay-away!' And even if you get shot you wouldn't need to go to the emergency room. Whoever shot you'd take their bullet back. 'I believe you got my property?'
scorch is guaranteed to brighten a sad eye and fill your collection with love
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| May 04, 2008 @ 14:50:02 | #12 | delta62
Über Master Debater
8781 points
18/M/manchester, United Kingdom
Join Date: Dec 2007 | Women HATE women. You get any two girlfriends in this room, been girlfriends for 25 years, you put a man in between them, "Fuck that bitch, " "Fuck that bitch." Guys are not like that. Guys actually think that there are other fish in the sea, and if a guy introduces his boy to his new girlfriend, and when they walk away, his boy goes, "Aww man, shes nice, I gotta get me a girl LIKE that." If a woman introduces her new man to here girlfriend, and they walk away, her girlfriend goes "I gotta get HIM, and I will slit that bitches throat to do it." Every girl in here got a girlfriend they don't trust around their man.
The number one reason people hate America, the number one reason is because of our religion. Americans worship money, we worship money. Seperate God from school, seperate God from work, seperate God from government but on your money it says in God we trust. All my life I've been looking for God and He's right in my pocket. Americans worship money, and we all go to the same church the church of ATM, everywhere you look there's a new branch popping up... remind you about how much money you got and how much money you don't got. And if you got less than twenty dollars the machine won't even talk to you. The machine is like you better go see a teller. You ever go to a teller and try to take out eight dollars and fifty cents? Oh it's disgusting... oh man you gotta wait on that long a** line, people doing real transactions in front of you, you get on to the f**king front you fill out your form eight fifty. The f**king teller looks at it she look at you she looks at the check she don't even take the money out of the drawer she take it out of her pocket, "here you go get out of here." And here's something man drugs are illegal but ATM machines are open twenty four hours a day. Twenty four hours a day. For who? Who the f**k is it open for? Have you ever taken out three hundred dollars at four o'clock in the morning for something positive. Shit when you press that machine at four o'clock in the morning I think a psychiatrist should pop up on the screen an go "c'mon man, save your money man. Don't buy drugs buy some rims. They spinning nigger they spinning they spinning nigger they spinning." Americans worship money. Shit you know why banks are closed on Sunday? Cos if they wasn't church would be empty.
White people sell guns, that's all right. Black rapper *says*, "Guns," congressional hearing!
If drugs were legalized, there would be a drug spot in every corner. It wouldn't be a Starbucks. It'd be Weedbucks. McDonald's? McCokeald's. Krispy Kreme? Kracky Kreme. Krispy Kreme Donuts are so good, if I told you it had crack in it, you would be like, "I knew it was something in there. These donuts are too good. Got me going there at 4 o'clock in the morning going, "Come on, man, open up. Let me have at least one donut. I'll do anything. I'll suck your dick!" That should be the new slogan. Krispy Kreme: So good, you'll suck a dick
Bush did some things you could never get away with at your job. When Bush started his job, there was a budget surplus. Now there's like a $70 trillion deficit. Now just imagine you worked at the Gap. You're closing out your register and it's $70 trillion short. The average person would get in trouble for that. Then he started a war? Now just imagine you worked at the Gap. You're $70 trillion behind on your register and you start a war with Banana Republic because you know they're selling better tank tops than you. So now you've got employees bleeding all over the khakis. Then you finally take over Banana Republic and you find out they never made tank tops in the first place.
All the stuff goin' on in the news, it's just a trick to get your mind off the war. That's all it is. A trick to get your mind off the war. Okay? I think Bush sent that girl to Kobe's room... Bush sent that girl to Kobe's room, Bush sent that lil' boy to Michael Jackson's house, Bush killed Lacy Peterson... Bush was f**kin' Paris Hilton in that video! All to get your mind off the war.
they keep trying to scare us. They keep telling us to be on the lookout for Al-Quedia. I ain't scared of Al-Quedia! I'm from Brooklyn... I don't give a f**k about Al-Quedia! Mother f**k Al-Quedia. Did Al-Quedia blow up the building in Oklahoma? NO! Did Al-Quedia put anthrax in your mail? NO! Did Al-Quedia drag James Byrd onto the street till his eyes popped out of his f**kin' head? NO! I ain't scared of Al-Quedia! I'm scared of Al-Cracka!
Michael Jackson lost his mind. What the hell is wrong with Michael? Another kid? Another kid? I thought it was groundhog's day when I heard that s**t. Another kid. Get the f**k out of here. That's how much we love Michael. We love Michael so much. We let the first kid slide. Another kid. I'm f**kin done. I'm done with Michael. I was a fan my whole life. I am f**kin done. I'm handing in my glove. I saw Michael on 60 minutes. Ed Bradley tried his best to make Michael look like a mammal. An animal that drink water and breathe air. Right. He give Michael the easiest, the easiest GED questions in the world and Michael could not pa** the test. He said, "Oh Michael, do you think its proper for a 45 year old man to sleep in the bed with 13 year old boys." "Yes". "Ok, ok, oh let me refrase that question." "Would you let your question sleep in a bed with 45 year old man that has been accused of child molestation." "Yes". Ed Bradley looked at Michael Jackson like he wanted to say, "Nigga, is you crazy." Like he wanted to take the 60 minutes clock and push the s**t forward and say "get the f**k off my show". "I thought you said it was 60 minutes". "It's 10 minutes. Get out here, you nutty nigga, what the f**k is wrong with you."
scorch is guaranteed to brighten a sad eye and fill your collection with love
link [game2.mafia-family.com] | | | |
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