Oh God when she is drunk she can talk for Ireland at the Olympics

Show me a quiet drunk woman and I'll show you an unconscious one!!

A man was out for a walk one day then he comes accross a huge funeral. At the front was a man walking with a bloody big dog. As the men all passed the guy asks who the huge funeral is for. Oh that man's wife was killed by that dog. Jes I wish I hada dog like that.

Get to the back of the que then.

I'm away to bed before I get up to more trouble. Night night

Good plan.Have my kids waking up in about 6 hours night

How to you tittilate an ocelot?
You oscillate its tit a lot!


If all the flies were just one fly, what an enormous fly it would be!

<moon>

:bump:

Paddy went for a job,on the foresrty comission,and at his interview,the foreman asked him:-"whats that tree,Paddy?"
"Well,sir,that's an oak!"
"And that one?"
"that one,sir is an elm!"
"And that one?"
"That is an ash,sir!"
"very good,Paddy,let's see what else You know about trees!",said the foreman.
Look at this big tree,Paddy,I want You to walk round it,and tell me where is the front of the tree.
Paddy walked a couple of times round the tree,looking puzzled,then,on his third circuit,he broke into a smile.
"This is the front,sir!",said Paddy.
"Very good,paddy,"said the foreman,"tell me,how did You work it out?"
"Easy,sir,"said Paddy,"someone's had a s**t behind it!"


dont need a life,too busy

DAVID BLAINE TEST.
> This is creepy!
> .
> .
> Think of a letter between A and W
>
> .
> .
> Repeat it out loud as you scroll down
> .
> .
> .
> Keep going
> .
> .
> .
> Don't stop
> .
> .
> Think of an animal
> that begins with that letter
> .
> .
> Repeat it out loud
> as you scroll down
>
> .
> Think of either
> a man's or a woman's
> name that begins
> with the last letter
> in the animal's name
> .
> ..
> Almost there
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> Now count out the letters
> in that name on the fingers
> of the hand you are not
> using to scroll down
>
> .
> .
> .
> Take the hand you
> counted with and hold it out
> in front of you at face level
>
> .
> .
> .
> Look at your palm very closely
> and notice the lines on your
> hand .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> Do the lines take the
> form of the first letter
> in the persons name?
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> Of course they
> F****ing don't !
> .
> .
> .
> ..
> .
> Now smack yourself in the head,
> get a life, and quit playing stupid
> e-mail games!
> .
> .
> .
> .


Life is what you make it......So have a good one.

Male Strippers



Last night, my Red H o t friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a £10 note

When the male dancer came over to us,
my friend licked the £10 note and stuck it to his butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a £20 note .
She called the guy back , licks the £20 ! note, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.

In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a £50 note and calls the guy over, and licks the £50 note.
I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.
My relief was short-lived.

Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me!
Now everyone's attention is focused on me,and the guy is egging me on to try to top the £50 note.
My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do?




The woman in me took over!
I got out my ATM card,
swiped it down the crack of his butt,Grabbed the eighty pounds
and left!!!!


Life is what you make it......So have a good one.

a guy goes to court because he was caught during a mob hit, he was given two choices, go to jail or rat out his boss, he wouldn't talk so he went to jail. when he got in the cell there was this big black guy and he said, what they get u for?

i wouldnt rat out my boss, relied the man, and you, he asked

thats not important. what is important is do you want to be the husband or the wife?

the man thought then he said, well i guess ill be the husband.

the black man said, okay then, then come over here and suck ur wife's d***