Karen Matthews to clear name by taking Jeremy Kyle Show lie detector test

Karen Matthews has been released from prison having served only three years of an eight year sentence for kidnapping her own daughter and attempting to swindle large sums of money from people to 'find' her.
She has vowed to clear her name by taking a lie detector test on the Jeremy Kyle Show.

Lie detector tests are not allowed as evidence in courts of law, but are extensively used by Jeremy Kyle as a means of proving relationship indifelities to the morons who watch him.

Despite the unreliability of the tests, Matthews insists that the world of Jeremy Kyle carries more weight than conclusive evidence to the contrary produced in a court of law.

'It's not fair that I was convicted in a court of law and not given the opportunity to clear my name on the Jeremy Kyle Show' she moaned. 'Jeremy Kyle declaring my innocence would leave nobody in any doubt that I am the victim of a miscarriage of justice.'

Matthews is also hopeful that a successful appearance on Jeremy Kyle will lead to other daytime television opportunities. 'I'd like to get on that Loose Women show. I think they need somebody with a bit more intelligence and personable to detract away from how vile the other presenters are.'

Probably isn't great to post one of your 'articles' on what is supposed to be a forum for genuine news (unless there's a link and this is actual news).

she could go on "Flog It" with her hollowed out divan.

Awww come on, lighten up. The news is depressing enough without reporting it as it really is.

Come on. Smile. You know you want to, and I bet you're really pretty when you do.

Just for information, don't take anything I ever write seriously, unless I say I'm being serious, which is something I try to avoid as much as possible. Life's too short.

I'm not having a go or anything, it just might confuse people and make them think that this is actual news. I do find them funny though.

Why thank you for that. But that's the fun of parody, satire and spoof. Making it just realistic enough to put that seed of wonder into somebody's mind: "Is this for real?" How delicious is that?

I could post in jokes and humour, but that would lose the satirical impact. No, it has to go in a topic appropriate section in order to hit the target.

You strike me as being smart enough to understand what I'm saying here. I doubt I'll catch you out. Then again, you never know. One day, SOM. One day.

Bit of a sweeping statement to class all people who watch the show as morons. I watch it for the sheer bad acting and the way the whole thing is hammed up. I do not believe for a moment that it is all genuine and really do not consider myself to be a moron

Sister of Mercy: I rest my case.

I've seen people believe far worse

But yeah I get what you're saying, I'm just sceptical as to how well it would translate to those who aren't familiar with our news/satire.

Good gag! I lived in Dewsbury for many years (where that womans from), and believe you me, that story could sound very feasible. People don't need to act on that show, they're prepared to make idiots out of themselves anyway because they really have no idea how stupid they are. They think the world stops at the Dewsbury/Birstal borders and that Leeds or Bradford are at the far reaches of the galaxy. An invitation for a free holiday in the golden metropolis of Planet London must seem like the opportunity of a lifetime.

Don't take your eye off these people, they live near you!

I have it on at home in the background just because I like to see the reactions to the test results! Those who think it's 'vile' should get into it, it can be quite entertaining!

The more concerning thing is that Karen Mathews seems exactly the sort who would do that, and Jeremy Kyle the type who would allow someone like her onto his show.

I'm guessing Offcom/the courts wouldn't allow it, but this could almost happen.

meaning?

Is this not spam, as this is not an actual news story or current event?

I believed it! - Albeit, with this look>>> on my face.
Does that answer your question?