a hurt ego, obsessive comparison and envy :(

'm glad i found this serious looking forum to try and share my problem.

i'm almost 40 years old, and been in on/off dynamic therapy for at least 15 years now.
generally- i probably have a very hurt ego problem, very low self esteem and i generally hate myself most of the time, not feeling anything, apathic, cannot make any crusial decisions. indecisive.
i do work in editing, i create music and films..
however-

Get a new therapist, life is short and should be enjoyed.

I think people whose lives just do not seem to work should relocate to the third world and do charity work. If you cant love yourself then at least do something good with your life.

Hate something - change something.

you say dynamic therapy, is that a psychodynamic therapist you have? it might well be worth while looking at CBT to help with the obsessive nature and envy. or look at a different therapist. do you feel that you have made progress while you have been attending? has it helped at all or are you feeling like you have stayed the same as when you started?

have you alwyas had the apathic lack of feeling or has it started as an adult. got progressively worse?

Go out for a walk in the evenings, the fresh air and exercise will do wonders for you.