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Breaking Up

Breaking Up, With Kids

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chisa96

Supreme Goddess

Out in Nature, Wisconsin

Mar 19, 2011 @ 20:38:38

How do people do this? (I'm talking about the couples in which both are committed to their children.) Don't get me wrong, it's not something that I want to do myself, but I find myself wondering how one even works that out. Even if I did want to break up, I just can't get past the idea of only getting to be a part time parent, of only seeing your child on certain days. The very concept is heartbreaking, and it's not as though you can deny the child sufficient time with their other parent...

I get that sometimes it has to be done, but how do people get used to only getting to be part time parents?

sTreetAngeL

root tedt ree

in a paradox,

Mar 19, 2011 @ 20:41:10

I don't see how they do it either; and I don't even have any kids.

vekta

Mar 19, 2011 @ 20:46:10

The most important question is what is best for the child/children?

If two unhappy parents stay together because of the children the negativity between the two parents can actually be worse for the child than if they were to split up. It's very situational and largely depends on the two parents ability to control there resentment towards one another. That's only one scenario.

Edited: March 19, 2011 @ 20:46

chisa96

Supreme Goddess

Out in Nature, Wisconsin

Mar 19, 2011 @ 20:49:02

@sTreetAngeL Said

I don't see how they do it either; and I don't even have any kids.

I picture not seeing my own every day, and I'd cry more over that than the failed relationship, broken heart, whatever. I honestly don't know if I could do it; I can't picture a situation that would make me feel that it would be for the best (with non-abusive jeremy at least). I would think that it would have to be a lot more than not being in love.

chisa96

Supreme Goddess

Out in Nature, Wisconsin

Mar 19, 2011 @ 20:51:15

@vekta Said

If two unhappy parents stay together because of the children the negativity between the two parents can actually be worse for the child than if they were to split up.

I do get that too, but gawd... giving up seeing your babies every day.

I think that if I were with someone that I had to break up with I'd hope that he was just a crappy parent to boot so that I could be selfish and keep them all the time.

sTreetAngeL

root tedt ree

in a paradox,

Mar 19, 2011 @ 20:53:24

@chisa96 Said

Same. I didn't even think abuot the relationship, just not seeing the child as usual.

And if it effects us that way, how must it effect the child? It's got me thinking; and I can understand somewhat better what the frustration of kids of divoreced/separated parent's must be like.

My own mom left my dad when I was little; but I was too young to recall any changed feelings.

jmo

Beruset af Julebryg

The United Kingdom of Great Br

Mar 19, 2011 @ 20:54:43

Sometimes it's better for the kids. If it is then a good parent will sacrifice time with them for their own good imo.

x_Laura_x

Particularly cunty

East Grinstead, United Kingdom

Mar 19, 2011 @ 20:55:59

My dad is actually a better parent now he and my mum aren't together anymore.

chisa96

Supreme Goddess

Out in Nature, Wisconsin

Mar 19, 2011 @ 21:09:32

@jmo Said

Sometimes it's better for the kids. If it is then a good parent will sacrifice time with them for their own good imo.

It would be the most difficult for the good parents too.

(Ignoring that we can't really know for sure whether or not it will be best or we are making the right choice or that we couldn't save the family except in retrospect, keeping in mind that I'm not including the black and white things like abuse.)

Edited: March 19, 2011 @ 21:11

plebian_angel

Intergalactic hussy

a great future,

#10

Mar 19, 2011 @ 21:26:47

I was better off without my sperm donor in my life. I am glad I was not shuffled back and forth TBH. But that's mainly cuz of what type of person my sperm donor is.
But if both parents are good parents, that would make it harder. But living with two miserable parents as to be worse than being shuffled back and forth

angelcake

Perpetually pregnant

Eastleigh, United Kingdom

#11

Mar 19, 2011 @ 21:47:41

When I was working I'd easily go 48 hours without seeing jake. When you're in a situation you can't see them everyday you just get on with it.

jismo

bismarck, North Dakota

#12

Mar 19, 2011 @ 21:53:47

Then again, there are those couples who remain living together and "being together" if you could really truly consider it being together. They stay together for the sake of their children, yet they remain absolutely miserable, some people even turn to vices to control their own personal misery. Some drink, some do drugs... I think its better off for all children when their parents really don't like each other anymore. I mean to the point that they can't stand to look at each other or have five minutes of peace without bickering. Its just best to split ways. But make sure the children get equal attention from both parents and never try to turn your children against the other parent. That is just extremely unfair.

chisa96

Supreme Goddess

Out in Nature, Wisconsin

#13

Mar 19, 2011 @ 22:18:39

@angelcake Said

When I was working I'd easily go 48 hours without seeing jake. When you're in a situation you can't see them everyday you just get on with it.

That's not really the same though. I've gone a couple days with work not seeing mine, or taken little trips. That doesn't really compare to only getting your kid for half the time over the span of their entire childhood.

@jismo Said

Like I said, I do get the why's behind the necessity in most cases, but how? How do you do that, get used to that, without it breaking your heart?

Edited: March 19, 2011 @ 22:19

plebian_angel

Intergalactic hussy

a great future,

#14

Mar 19, 2011 @ 22:20:00

@chisa96 Said

That's not really the same though. I've gone a couple days with work not seeing mine, or taken little trips. That doesn't really comparing to only getting your kid for half the time over the span of their entire childhood.

Like I said, I do get the why's behind the necessity in most cases, but how? How do you do that, get used to that, without it breaking your heart?

Eventually your kid won't want to be around you 24-7. I think it's just finding a balance. You have to have space to be a person, and just not a parent. I am probably not saying this right, but I think parents just cope and make the best of the situation.

jismo

bismarck, North Dakota

#15

Mar 19, 2011 @ 22:25:27

Like I said, I do get the why's behind the necessity in most cases, but how? How do you do that, get used to that, without it breaking your heart?

Honey, some things just aren't that easy in life. Like the song goes, "You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life"

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