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Somethings to Say When Someone Wants to Kill Themselves

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ReAdSaLoT On October 28, 2014
Worrying only causes





,
#1New Post! Dec 24, 2008 @ 14:06:53
I've seen this on here many times few of are prepared to do anything more than listen-Since this topic is very difficult these are just a few things that may help-
It may come across as attention seeking, whether it is or not it's a cry for help. Suicides actually increase in the summer,but it appears more prevalent now. Be compassionate,but please direct people

Start by considering this statement:

?Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain.?

That?s all it?s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn?t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Now I want to tell you five things to think about.


1 You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

2 Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, ?I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.? Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn?t mean that you have to it is up to you.

3 People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

4 Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what?s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:

Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans
Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.
Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
Call a psychotherapist
Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
But don?t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

5 Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet not this particular forum.

This has been on my mind for quite awhile as a person and a therapist. It's human nature to want to help, but it can also be detrimental if you are not trained. If someone writes in from another country and you can provide numbers for crisis hotlines that's the best thing to do. People in a suicidal frame of mind may not wish to look for them. Taking on this effort to help may cause more damage than good.
lanesrA On June 12, 2010




, United Kingdom
#2New Post! Dec 24, 2008 @ 14:16:36
From now on I just wont say anything, seeing as I got 'banned' for a few hours for simply voicing my opinion that was seen as trolling Ill let the 'suiciders' get on with it
ReAdSaLoT On October 28, 2014
Worrying only causes





,
#3New Post! Dec 24, 2008 @ 14:22:29
The point was not to ignore;listen compassionately and then direct people to professional help.
doubtingthomas On April 26, 2010
Jesus is my homie





Monterey, California
#4New Post! Dec 24, 2008 @ 17:36:41
I think suicide is a extremly personal choice made by everyone.

It tests exactly how far we as individuals are willing to grant 100% and absolute freedom to someone we care about.

Its easy for people to say they would talk some one out of killing themselfs and give cute little slogans like "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"...

Its a terrible thing when someone we care about brings up the real converstaion about thier attempts to end thier own lives, nobody wants to be put in that situation. But some of us have been put in that situation and been faced with the very real fact that we as individuals do not have the right to end our own lives.

I can recall a very real converstation I had with my grandfather days before his death from panreatic cancer. The cancer had grown to the point it can stopped his liver function and he was suffering form jandance. He had days to live. He was in so much pain and he saw what it was doing to his family around him, he asked us to kill him. To end his and our suffering, I could relate with him 100% at that very momement.

To be faced with the fact that there simply is no other option other than death, I see no harm in letting that person choose the time of thier own demise.

Now, my grandfathers situation was hopeless, we can all agree on that. There are very few crude and heartless people in this would that would say, we needed to keep grandpa around those extra 3 painful days because he truely didn't know what he was asking for.

Here comes the real point... if every single day of the rest of your life you can only see heavy medication and pain, what gives us the viewer of that pain and medication the right to keep that person from the dignity of death?

I am some one who has delt with mental illness on a personal level in my father. I have seen what mental illness can do to a family, I have seen him sitting in tears on the couch with a shotgun in his hands asking us for reasons not to just end his pain and ours.

What right do we have in a society of personal freedoms and liberty to deny a given individual the right to end there own very personal pain?



*** I'm aware this is a very fked up converstation to have on xmass eve, but xmas isn't the fun happy holiday for everyone in this world, me being one of them ****
Aden On October 18, 2014




, Canada
#5New Post! Dec 30, 2008 @ 22:01:23
So.. what if there just isn`t anyone for you to talk to?
What if there really is no one who could care less what you do?
Aden On October 18, 2014




, Canada
#6New Post! Dec 30, 2008 @ 22:07:05
@readsalot Said


I can recall a very real converstation I had with my grandfather days before his death from panreatic cancer. The cancer had grown to the point it can stopped his liver function and he was suffering form jandance. He had days to live. He was in so much pain and he saw what it was doing to his family around him, he asked us to kill him. To end his and our suffering, I could relate with him 100% at that very momement.

Here comes the real point... if every single day of the rest of your life you can only see heavy medication and pain, what gives us the viewer of that pain and medication the right to keep that person from the dignity of death?


I just wanted to quote this because it's probably the most real thing I've read in awhile and... I'm curious.
I always thought it was weird that we will end the suffering of our wonderful four legged friends but we will continue to stand by and watch as our blood family suffers.
Is this because we are selfish and can't stand to lose them, or is it some perverse human nature to watch other's suffer?
Do you think that euthanasia should be legal?
ReAdSaLoT On October 28, 2014
Worrying only causes





,
#7New Post! Dec 30, 2008 @ 22:11:23
You have quoted the wrong person.This quote is from doubtingtgthomas,
Aden On October 18, 2014




, Canada
#8New Post! Dec 30, 2008 @ 22:14:18
@readsalot Said

You have quoted the wrong person.This quote is from doubtingtgthomas,



I'm sorry... I'm not sure how to fix it..
ReAdSaLoT On October 28, 2014
Worrying only causes





,
#9New Post! Dec 30, 2008 @ 22:17:57
I believe that I did, so don't worry about it.
doubtingthomas On April 26, 2010
Jesus is my homie





Monterey, California
#10New Post! Dec 30, 2008 @ 22:22:01
@Aden Said

I just wanted to quote this because it's probably the most real thing I've read in awhile and... I'm curious.
I always thought it was weird that we will end the suffering of our wonderful four legged friends but we will continue to stand by and watch as our blood family suffers.
Is this because we are selfish and can't stand to lose them, or is it some perverse human nature to watch other's suffer?
Do you think that euthanasia should be legal?



I honestly dont know, my view is that its part of personal freedom to be able to end your life when ever you please.

Granted there are exeptions to any rule, nothing is absolute. But thats just how I feel.
trillian On May 06, 2010




derbyshire, United Kingdom
#11New Post! Dec 30, 2008 @ 22:25:03
i speak to potential suicides all the time. its bloody difficult
sunandsurf13 On June 29, 2009

Deleted



Sydney, Australia
#12New Post! Jan 01, 2009 @ 09:45:01
@trillian Said

i speak to potential suicides all the time. its bloody difficult



I have a few family members and friends who have threatened this over the years.
Unfortunately, 2 of them were successful.
Readalot's advice is outstanding. She mentions 2 points in particular that are very helpful I think, from personal experience
1. The most important thing about dealing with anyone who discusses suicide is to let them you you understand, and hear them; acknowledgement they have been heard is key. Saying things like "don't be ridiculous' could be the worst thing you could say. It will snap some people into reality, and cut others off from ever talking honestly with you again.
2. Asking people to delay their plans for 24 hours or even to make a verbal contract they will call someone first is often empowering to the person considering suicide. You are saying essentially "You have intent - I believe you do. I take you seriously. You finally decide on when and how." This can of course, seriously buy time - and trust with the suicidal person. A trustworthy person they can trust to hear them impartially may be what they sought all along.
sunandsurf13 On June 29, 2009

Deleted



Sydney, Australia
#13New Post! Jan 01, 2009 @ 10:04:44
@doubtingthomas Said

I think suicide is a extremly personal choice made by everyone.

It tests exactly how far we as individuals are willing to grant 100% and absolute freedom to someone we care about.

Its easy for people to say they would talk some one out of killing themselfs and give cute little slogans like "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"...

Its a terrible thing when someone we care about brings up the real converstaion about thier attempts to end thier own lives, nobody wants to be put in that situation. But some of us have been put in that situation and been faced with the very real fact that we as individuals do not have the right to end our own lives.

I can recall a very real converstation I had with my grandfather days before his death from panreatic cancer. The cancer had grown to the point it can stopped his liver function and he was suffering form jandance. He had days to live. He was in so much pain and he saw what it was doing to his family around him, he asked us to kill him. To end his and our suffering, I could relate with him 100% at that very momement.

To be faced with the fact that there simply is no other option other than death, I see no harm in letting that person choose the time of thier own demise.

Now, my grandfathers situation was hopeless, we can all agree on that. There are very few crude and heartless people in this would that would say, we needed to keep grandpa around those extra 3 painful days because he truely didn't know what he was asking for.

Here comes the real point... if every single day of the rest of your life you can only see heavy medication and pain, what gives us the viewer of that pain and medication the right to keep that person from the dignity of death?

I am some one who has delt with mental illness on a personal level in my father. I have seen what mental illness can do to a family, I have seen him sitting in tears on the couch with a shotgun in his hands asking us for reasons not to just end his pain and ours.

What right do we have in a society of personal freedoms and liberty to deny a given individual the right to end there own very personal pain?



*** I'm aware this is a very fked up converstation to have on xmass eve, but xmas isn't the fun happy holiday for everyone in this world, me being one of them ****



Hi DoubtingThomas
I read your post with sympathy, nodding throughtout. I have faced similar family issues myself. It's not fun.
If people are determined to end their own life they will - that's unquestionable. People discuss suicidal intentions for many reasons - because they are seeking attention, because they are desperate, because they are being honest. In my experience the conversations become matter-of-fact in the end if people are really serious about it - they have usually worked out a method, a time and date, and feel some sense of relief that if things get any worse, that is their fall-back plan.
Naturally, it is the people who have attempted suicide before who are the most high-risk.
Do people have a right to do it? Unquestionably - it's not illegal anymore - or at least, the law is not enforced. For people who consider it seriously, they can see no other option at the time. People argue that it's a selfish act, but in fact, most suicidal people believe strongly that they are a burden to the people closest to them, and that in some way they will make the lives of those they leave behind easier, not harder.
It's hard to fathom things being so bad you would consider it. But life can be unkind and everyone has a story. Some people can cope with what life deals them, and some people cannot cope with what we can. For some people who get no 'lucky breaks' no 'good luck' life is exhausting. You can only hope that they confide in someone, and that that act itself is positive for them - and gives them hope they'll find acceptance elsewhere.
sarky On March 11, 2011




london, United Kingdom
#14New Post! Jan 01, 2009 @ 10:25:33
People who use suicide especially to to with a relationship breakdown with their spouse or if their spouse is leaving/left, use suicide as blackmail and are very selfish people who i wouldnt give the time of day to. I have found the best way to deal with it is by sending an ambulance to their address when they have rung me and leaving it at that. The thing is when they ring saying they will kill themselves if you dont come back...they want their own way, attention, some feel obliged..forced to go back even though they dont want to, just because they feel they must give in or they will feel guilty. By listening then sending an ambulance, the person then never tried that trick with me again as they didnt get me running back giving the attention and giving in to their demands.This is control..manipulation..selfish.blackmail..dont give in to it, its the only way to show them that threatening suicide will not get them what they want.
bybee On March 11, 2009

Deleted



watertown, Minnesota
#15New Post! Jan 01, 2009 @ 11:26:39
@sarky Said

People who use suicide especially to to with a relationship breakdown with their spouse or if their spouse is leaving/left, use suicide as blackmail and are very selfish people who i wouldnt give the time of day to. I have found the best way to deal with it is by sending an ambulance to their address when they have rung me and leaving it at that. The thing is when they ring saying they will kill themselves if you dont come back...they want their own way, attention, some feel obliged..forced to go back even though they dont want to, just because they feel they must give in or they will feel guilty. By listening then sending an ambulance, the person then never tried that trick with me again as they didnt get me running back giving the attention and giving in to their demands.This is control..manipulation..selfish.blackmail..dont give in to it, its the only way to show them that threatening suicide will not get them what they want.

The suicide threat is one of those situations which warrants situational attention. Each instance being largely unique. The manipulative adult who uses any kind of threat to get his own way is not worthy of consideration. Get away from these types as fast as you can. Someone, incapacitated by drugs or alcohol or extreme stress needs to be taken seriously and intervention is in order. Be careful of anyone who attempts to make you solely responsible for their well-being. These people are parasitical in nature and after they have drained you dry they move on to their next victim. Children must, at all costs, be protected from these possessive, overbearing types. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. I wish you well. peace, bybee
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