For years now I've been so afraid of going crazy, the kind of crazy that there's no coming back from. I was terrified that I'd go insane and lose everything that I loved. I'm so like him; we've always been compared to each other, and he went through such hell that it didn't look like he would ever be able to return.

And now, somehow, with his escape from hell my own fears of following him there are dispersed. Nothing has actually changed. I am still much like he was at my age, and I still have many other risk factors.

Nevertheless, I'm optimistic now. Just to see him happy and reasonable again has painted everything in such a better light. We are still very alike, and I still have had my own crazy experience, but from that experience I've gained this sort of strange serenity. It's given me a peace with the world, a calmness and a centered way of viewing experiences. Even if I were otherwise destined to follow him, I think that way of looking at things would save me; everything is less stressful, less of a catalyst for psychosis.

I can see this more now that he is well. I can see our similarities, but I can see our one glaring difference as well. Nothing has actually changed, but everything feels so different. I feel safe in a way that I never have before.